In the event of explosive decompression…


So, as it happens, I was having a discussion with a friend… Ok, the discussion was an overestimation of the amount of contact I get to have socially. It was email. I admit it freely, but there was back and forth and all of that… and what was I saying? Oh, yes… so, I was having interactive commentary electronically with my friend about self-care. Hmmmm… well, now, that is just a little sad. So much of my interactive contact lately appears to be via technology… <sigh> It is better than nothing at all, I suppose. I think that somehow we have become incredibly polarized in our modern western society about what constitutes appropriate levels of caring for oneself vs. levels of that self-care becoming selfishness and self-centered disregard for others. The problem seems to be that we have become as hyperbolic in this continuum as we have in opinions and the expression thereof. Happy balance seems to be something that people struggle with universally.

I’ve touched on some of the issues previously (See previous post on Living Life Without Giving a F@$%), and a friend of mine has often talked about the art of being considerate and having some manners… or the sad fact that consideration and manners seem to be remarkably absent from too many of our daily interactions. There are so many ways we’ve lost the art of just interacting with the other humans and individuals that share space with us in a non-damaging way. The excuse I hear too often is that we live in a fast-paced world where antiquated social conformities have no place… or “they were rude to me first”… or “I don’t know them and probably won’t ever see them again.” These are horrible excuses. Who cares if it is a perfect stranger? Does that give anyone the right to be a complete jerk? I don’t think so, but I digress. I think I’ve also touched on the paying it forward philosophy at some point as well. You may never really know how your effort to be polite, kind, or just smile at a stranger might actually impact them in a way like the “trickle-down” effect made multiple individuals have a better day than the one that started for them. It could happen. And… not really where I was going when I started this… so…

I guess what prompted all of the musings and ponderings and interacting via email was that somehow for a good many people in my social and professional sphere, the pendulum has swung very far the other direction. For a good many people I know, the prospect of doing even the smallest thing for their own pleasure is riddled with guilt. They have fallen into an abyss of abnegation where they are unable to perceive their own martyrdom. Yep, that’s what I said… martyrdom.

Honestly, it isn’t that martyrs in history were so very bad. Hell, many of them were granted sainthood… until they were decannonized or whatever it is they do to remove them from our calendars. Great sacrifices in the cause of their faith, the well-being of others, or various acts of rectitude earned them the honor… usually posthumously, which seems a bit of a shame to me. Seriously, if these folks are such pillars to be idealized to advocate for the rest of us poor sinners… wouldn’t it have been nice to have their example around for a bit longer? Just a thought… Anyhow, I didn’t mean to take this into an ecclesiastical place that will likely get me in trouble with the various organized religions of the planet. That wasn’t really my intent. I guess what I am saying is that saints and martyrs for the most part are rare. It’s true. I suspect that there are a good many aspects of those lives may not have borne well under the scrutiny of modern media or social media where privacy is non-existent… BUT those lives were exceptional, which is all to the good. It doesn’t mean that all of us should live those same austere lives of sacrifice. In some ways, it is not only unhealthy… it’s pretentious.

We are all human… well, I’m making an assumption, y’all feel free to examine that point for yourselves, but I strongly suspect that if you are reading this… you are human. Most human beings are not actually set up for sainthood. Not saying that it couldn’t happen given the right circumstances, but we are programmed for survival and to that end, we are programmed with needs and wants and all that jazz.

I’m going to let you in on a secret… There is absolutely nothing wrong with that… provided of course that it doesn’t actually harm or interfere with someone else’s needs, wants, and all that jazz. The whole idea of self-sacrifice to the detriment of one’s own well-being ultimately results in one outcome: YOU WON’T BE THERE TO HELP THE NEXT TIME.


Yep. That is what I said. I’ll let you in on another secret: There are a lot of other people, employers, and entities in the world that are perfectly willing to let you sacrifice everything. To put no finer point upon it, they will use you up and find another one just like you. It sounds harsh when I put it that way, and I by no means am trying to say charity is wrong or a waste. I’m just saying that giving and caring starts at home… frequently with oneself. There are those in the world who adhere to this particular maxim a bit too stringently. Those people are the ones who are living their lives without giving… well, you know. However, it isn’t so much that they live their lives without inhibitions due to external judgment, but some of them live their lives without consideration for others or the feelings/rights/expectations/etc. thereof. They do what they want, when they want, say what they want, and they don’t care who it impacts, hurts, or even destroys so long as they receive what they wanted. That is the far end of that spectrum opposite the saintly souls who never pay attention to their own wants or needs and frequently sacrifice either or both to accommodate those of others.

NEITHER OF THESE EXTREMES IS HEALTHY OR SOMETHING TO WHICH WE SHOULD ASPIRE. There. I said it. It took me over 1000 words, but the idea is a balance. That happy medium thing I typed earlier. People need to think about and have some consideration for the other humans around them, but that includes themselves. Everyone should engage in regular self-care. This goes beyond the general eating, drinking, breathing, and sleeping. It also means that there should be opportunity to engage in enjoyment. Aside from nourishing the body, each individual should also nourish the soul… or psyche if you prefer. That means that there should be activities in life that enrich and… just make you feel good (obviously respecting the same rights of others and the various laws of the land… the fact that I have to put that in there is annoying but some people would take it too far). It also means that when a person takes the time to engage in those activities, there should not be the overwhelming guilt of “Oh no, I shouldn’t be [laughing, reading, coloring…insert other life affirming and enjoyable activities] because… reasons.”  The reasons are immaterial. Everyone needs to have some pleasure in their lives. Our brains and bodies need the chemicals that are produced when we experience pleasurable sensations. When we deprive ourselves of that chronically, it can be as detrimental as depriving the body of nutrients or sleep. We function better as human beings when we feed our bodies and our psyches with the things that enrich us.

There are a lot of people in the world that are totally out of practice with this concept. They have been put in positions where self-sacrifice has become the norm. Self-sacrifice occasionally is not an unhealthy concept. In fact, when we love others, we frequently put their needs above our own. However, when it becomes an all-the-time situation, it is no longer healthy. It can even become detrimental to the care of those individuals we love. Occasionally it is not even in their best interests due to fostering dependency or setting them up for false senses of entitlement. Sometimes the idea of setting boundaries and engaging in the occasional self-indulgence is so foreign that when it happens, the guilt become unbearable. If this is the case for you, dear reader, it’s possible that you have lost the ability to have fun and enjoy your @#$%. I prescribe a consistent program of regular fun and daily self-care until it becomes less foreign. Doctor’s orders. If you are struggling for ideas, reach out to a friend… I’m betting they have some ideas or at the very least can brainstorm over chocolate ice cream (or chardonnay or… you get the idea). You have the absolute right to be the star of your own show and have some fun without the guilt leeches trying to suck all life from your soul.

Remember what the safety lecture says at the start of every flight on an airplane, in the event of cabin depressurization, breathing masks will fall from the ceiling. They always, ALWAYS, remind you to position your own mask before helping anyone else. That is to make sure that you don’t pass out or expire before you can actually assist the others. You can’t help someone else if you are incapacitated due to your altruism. So, charity and kindness and the care of others are entirely admirable, but remember to start with yourself. If you don’t take care to stay healthy and strong (physically or emotionally), you won’t be at your best for anyone else either. So, remember to affix your own mask over your nose and mouth first… and breathe normally.

The New Cheese: Sick at Work



That’s right. I said sick at work, not sick of work. Believe me, if I was just talking about being overtired, burned out, and downright annoyed with the concept of putting in a 40 hour week for people who do not appreciate it… that would be a different post and probably a whole lot longer.

I have a pretty decent work ethic. Some of my friends think my work ethic borders on the obsessive and possibly masochistic, but I feel that it is my responsibility to stay out of bankruptcy court, pay my bills on time, and do the best job I can for the employers that provide me that opportunity whether they appreciate it or not.

What that boils down to is that I can be a bit of a workaholic. I can actually hear a few of you out there who know me screaming at the screen “A BIT?!?” Yes, a bit. I have actually seen and experienced worse. I’ve actually seen and been worse. However, Iknow that being the Type A individual that I am, I’m a happier person busy than indolent or bored.

I try to be more conscious of life and take it a little bit more easy. I recognize my own limitations and that I am not getting any younger. Yes, that was difficult to type. In other words, I’ve only got the one life, and there are… in fact… more things in this world than money, possessions, and job. That was almost painful. However, I recognize, too, that I am lucky enough to have family and a few friends that probably never appreciated playing second chair to the career virtuosity. They might even appreciate spending more time with me.

Strangely, that is not where I was going with this post, though. I only said all that to illustrate my own approach to work, and showing up for work, and not letting anything stand in the way of work… and you get the idea. I can literally count the number of times I have called into work on one hand and remove a few of those fingers while I am at it… in the whole of my life. I have worked through varying degrees of illness and infirmity… frequently when I should not have. Yes, that is what I said… SHOULD NOT HAVE.

The thing is, I appreciate a solid work ethic. I appreciate people that won’t be beaten. I appreciate people who don’t let a little cold or allergies keep them down. I tend to be a little concerned with the person who calls in too frequently or always has some ailment that prevents them from being reliable. I value being able to count on a person to show up when they are supposed to and do the job that they are supposed to do. That is pretty typical of most employers. In fact, there are not a lot of employers that are going to say “Now, you are just working yourself too hard, and you need to take better care. Take it easy and stop putting in all that extra time…” Yeah, never going to hear that in the corporate world. Some companies do try to be more understanding and try to make their organization a decent place to work where people want to be. They understand that content or happy employees are loyal and productive. However, most places (especially larger ones with less highly skilled or highly educated workforce) operate on the philosophy that if you use one up, you can get another for cheaper anyway.

Harsh, I know, but sadly true. Again, I’ve wondered from the point… but not really, because it is all a foundation for what I’m saying.

Because the modern employer and modern company generally do not acknowledge that humans become ill and perhaps shouldn’t be worked until they drop, many employees also choose to ignore the physical limitations of the human body. Also, a part of that modern system is that many places do not have separate sick time and vacation time. Most role it all into something called “Paid Time Off” or PTO. PTO can be planned or unplanned, and some companies have rules about how many “unplanned” absences you can have as well. The point is that people do not want to take off when they
are ill unless they really just cannot function. They would rather save that rather valuable commodity of PTO for things that are more enjoyable like a vacation or time off around the holidays.

The result? People come to work in all manner of conditions. I’ve been guilty of this myself. People suffering from colds, mild flu, varying degrees of contagion… they all push themselves to show up for work because they do not want to miss work for something as simple as a stuffy nose or coughing fit. They don’t want to use the PTO, or they may not have the PTO to use if they have used it all for more enjoyable reasons. This is the problem with not having designated sick time. People come to work when they are sick.


Sounds very self-sacrificing and diligent, doesn’t it. Sometimes people legitimately will say that they have too many projects, deadlines, etc. that cannot afford a delay of them staying home. That is all well and good… so, maybe not so well, and perhaps not so good. People who come to work with their illness and germs share that with their workspace… and colleagues… and that is how entire office buildings end up sick. What people do not think about when they come to work with their head cold or slight flu is that everyone with whom they come in contact is at risk to catch their illness… and take it home with them. It’s a fine line, and I know it. What constitutes a legitimate threat of contagion to the point that you should ditch work for the public health? Some companies will actually send announcements out during particularly virulent outbreaks. Some organizations sponsor flu and pneumonia vaccines for all their staff. Still, there is usually a few times per year that some disease gets passed around an office.

Telecommuting has provided an opportunity for some employees to stay away from the office petri dish but still work their ducky little hearts out from home. Sadly, this doesn’t necessarily improve productivity. What I’m saying here is not new. There are several articles in the past few years cautioning people about going to work sick and the actual costs to the business that range in the 9-figure range (Bratskeir, 2015; Rasmussen, 2013)… that’s right over a hundred billion dollars lost due to people being so diligent that they come into work when they are not well. It is called presenteeism. Yeah, I didn’t realize there was a name for it either until I started thinking about this post.

Technology has made it possible for us to work straight through almost every situation including hospitalization. That doesn’t make it wise or the best choice. Just because one can work while convalescing does not mean one should work while convalescing. The whole point to being off while you are ill is to get better. Most prescriptions for your average cold or flu involve rest and fluids. The body heals best when resting. So, working while one is ill can actually prolong the suffering and sometimes the contagious period.


I know… I really do. Taking time to get well puts you behind or leaves someone in a jam or any number of other reasons not to stay in bed and drink fluids from a bendy straw (Gaskell, 2015). I am one of the absolute worst and will probably work until lunch on the day of my funeral. However, I do try to avoid spreading my plagues, and if you aren’t going to stay in bed and take care of yourself when you are sick, at least try to stay away from the rest of us. Thanks.

Bratskeir, K. (2015). Global study shows why sick people go to work –

Gaskell, A. (2015). Why coming into work sick makes you a villain not a hero –

Rasmussen, D. (2013). The real cost of going to work sick –

Physical Fit: The boredom trap

I know that this sounds unnatural and most people will not even believe it, but I assure you that I do not tell an untruth here when I say that I sometimes actually forget to eat. Yep. It happens. I get engrossed in projects. I get super busy multitasking like a ninja, and before I know it, it is the end of the day, and I’ve missed breakfast, second breakfast, elevensies, pre-lunch, lunch, mid afternoon snack, tea time, cocktails… and dinner is looming. At these times, I really don’t even get hungry. Occasionally, if I pause, the stomach will growl and I will think, When did I last eat?However, if something further captures my attention… that thought generally flees before the SHINY only to be recalled at a much later time. Sometimes, I’ve been known to get through a day look at the clock and think, It’s too late to eat now, and I need to sleep. And so it goes… No, I’m not anorexic. One look and it will be obvious that I am not. When I do eat, I can generally put some food away. I do like food. It is just that eating frequently takes away from other things. When I enjoy food, it is planned meals and outings and times where the food is an event. Sounds odd, right? But for me, this is normal. Even as a child, I would tear up some breakfast, but especially during the summer, there was just too much to do for the rest of the day’s meals to be a priority. It was difficult for parents, grandparents, or anyone else to get me to come inside and eat throughout the day.

But then… there are the down times. I don’t mean depression exactly. I mean literally nothing to do. Days where I have no plans and nothing to occupy my time and attention, I can (and have in the past) eat everything that isn’t nailed down. Even the cat becomes truly terrified.

Turns out, I am an emotional eater. Boredom is an emotion, right? So, boredom it is. I get bored, I eat. Oh, if I am perfectly honest with myself and with all of you reading this, I eat for a lot of other emotions, too. I’m pretty sure of it. Perhaps I will delve into that little issue in another post, but for now, I’m going to talk about the boredom emotion and the impact it has on a tendency to eat when not hungry. I’m probably not the only one that has this particular failing. Too many people today confuse boredom with hunger. In my case, I actually know the difference. When I stand looking in the refrigerator or pantry for hours and nothing looks appealing but I grab something anyway only to chuck away an empty container feeling unsatisfied. That wasn’t it.

If I consciously take stock while I stand there staring at Inspiration Point (the space in front of said refrigerator or pantry) longingly looking for the food item that will satisfy the craving, I will realize, usually, that I’m not hungry. Not in the least. So, what am I doing? I’m trying to fill something else. Time? So, provided I am not on autopilot, I can usually close the door to whatever receptacle or storage compartment and walk away. Better yet, I can go find a project or a book or a computer game or go to the gym, anything, in fact, that will occupy my mind and body with something that isn’t mindless eating… just because there is nothing better to do. I can take it from my younger self, back when I had limitless imagination and energy. There is ALWAYS something better to do.

I know that my family and friends get annoyed with my myriad of projects and sidelines and even taking second jobs on occasion (maybe more about that in TNC post later), but when it comes to my health, diet, and body image, that boredom character is my greatest foe. The best way I know to combat it is to keep busy. If you are reading this and find that boredom is trying to sabotage your efforts to eat more mindfully and make healthier choices, find a new hobby, keep a list of activities. If you find yourself standing at Inspiration Point staring at a bunch of food and not “feeling” any of them, shut the door, turn around, go for a walk (or a run, or do some yoga…). Do not let the saboteur win.

Here endeth the lesson… just kidding. This lesson will never end for me, but I will keep on fighting it.

The New Cheese: We’re All Unique… Just like everyone else


One of the most difficult aspects of being a manager, or worse, a middle manager, is that you are caught somewhere between company policy and individuals who are people, actual human beings who face life and have a wide variety of life experiences. Sometimes the life experiences hit them actually while they are working, and that always makes for interesting conundrums in the ever litigious world of corporate America.

Honestly, it isn’t really so much that people are a bunch of sue-happy, ambulance chasing, leeches trying to put one over… ok, maybe there are enough of those out there to make people nervous and cautious, but the sad fact of the matter is that all it takes is one. Have you ever read warning labels? I mean really read them? They are ridiculous, and if anyone out there used half the brain cells that they were granted upon development of their being, they would not need to be told that an electric hair drier shouldn’t be used in the shower or that the plastic bag is not a toy or not to eat the silica packets in your leather jacket pocket. Oh, and if you thought that those warnings were intended for children who may not know any better and would be tempted to stick things in their mouths to experience the world like tiny little sharks… think again. How many toddlers do you know who read on a 6th grade level (there probably are a couple out there, but chances are, not many and surely those gifted little geniuses would be less likely to actually participate in the asinine activities described by the warning label).

Warning labels, written standard operating procedure, and documented policy are not there for people with common sense. They are not there for your average every day individual who might just blunder into a situation with ignorance and good intent. They are there for the perpetually inept or the trolls that exist in the world that want to push that envelope, ignore common decency, or use their access privilege to circumvent the normal drudgery of the day to day and win the litigious lottery via a personal injury lawyer. I’m generalizing. Of course, I am. I’m painting the absolute worst case and dirtiest scenario possible. Why? Because that is what the legal and ethical departments of corporate entities have to do. Just think for a moment of what life must be like for the people who always have to look for the worst in their fellow humans all the time. Think about what it takes to generally perceive those around you looking for angles or trying to guess how stupid the general populace might be and try to counter the negative effects of their actions like some sort of fortune teller with a broken, ugly crystal ball that only shows the bad stuff. Sometimes I feel sorry for them. I said sometimes… obviously there are other times when I think they should take off the warning labels and let Darwinism sort that @#$%. However, as a middle manager, I can’t do that. I have to not only follow the dictates of common sense and corporate policy, I also have to make sure that those for whom I am responsible are AWARE of said policies, ATTEND to said policies, and ADHERE to said policies… even when the policies seem to make no sense at all (until you think like the aforementioned folk living in the murky fortune-telling tent). This is especially difficult when the employees in question can see that there was someone at some time who violated common sense resulting in untold calamity… but still don’t understand why the rule has to apply to everyone generally making life unpleasant for all instead of just focusing on the perpetrator of idiocy as an individual.

This pretty much describes most difficult part of all of this is that writing blanket and universal policies that apply to everyone generally results in some of the most biased and unfair feeling systems on the planet. While it might be effective in resolution to address an incident with the individual who screwed up, the purpose of rules and policies is to avoid some other ignorant soul from ignoring history and blundering in to repeat it. It means that while person A is a responsible, hard-working, dedicated employee that consistently goes above and beyond, they cannot actually be given more leeway to self-govern or be allowed privilege outside the normal constraints, there had to be a policy preventing self-governing principle because person B is lazy or incautious or irresponsible and would generally get themselves killed or the company sued with the same leeway.

But wait! This is the 21st century and we recognize individuality and creativity and promote the general welfare and…

Ok, yeah, each and every person on this planet is an individual. They are unique. Unless you are an identical twin or a clone, your DNA doesn’t match another human being on the planet. (And there are even mutations and differences in those as well… not the clones of course because we wouldn’t possibly know anything about human cloning, right?) However, while talents and skills and uniqueness of individuals are appreciated on that individual and unique basis, in a large business and corporate structure, everyone is subjected to the same rules and regulations. Why can’t we be more individualized in our application on a massive scale? 1) Because it is massive. Large companies have thousands of employees. Imagine trying to individualize rules for each and every one those; and then, trying to enforce them. Can you say headache? And while we are discussing headaches, let’s talk about a legal one. 2) Discrimination. Let’s say it together. Dis-crim-i-NAY-Shun. Discrimination is one of the most winnable legal suits there is, if you have the documented evidence. In fact, most organizations, if threatened by the merest hint of a discrimination lawsuit will cave and try to appease the plaintiff to avoid the stigma or hell of an individual civil case or worse, class action. Due to corporate legal departments and standard written policies, though, it can tough to build a good case against a corporate entity for a discrimination suit. What isn’t difficult is to put a colleague, supervisor, manager, or director in some excessively hot HR-supported water by filing a complaint. So, the result is 3) the perceptively unfair application of rules and policies upon the staff under any given manager. Most good employers and managers struggle with this concept every day. They lose sleep over the give and take of being a compassionate, understanding, and well-liked employer vs. being accused of bias, pandering, discrimination, and favoritism.

Managers fight the slippery slope of good employee relations all the time. With few exceptions (and I may have met them), managers are humans. As humans, we cannot avoid the natural desire to be liked. I don’t care how strong a foundation of positive self-esteem, as long as you aren’t a complete sociopath, it is just programmed into humans to want to be liked. For most people the “I don’t care if people like me” statement is a defense mechanism. It is absolutely true that there are some people that improve my own self-esteem by not liking me, but for the majority of the world at large, I prefer to be at least tolerated. For a manager, this can be difficult, because employees want to be liked as well. They want to be liked, acknowledged, and rewarded for their work. They dislike being reprimanded, coached, or evaluated (especially if it does not coincide with their self-evaluation). No one likes negative feedback, and it colors the impression of the person providing said feedback… which is frequently the manager. So, you have a manager trying to adhere to the company policies and make sure that the people who report to them adhere likewise. This sometimes requires a little course corrective measure that can sting a little, and voila you have the “hated-boss-phenomenon” (yeah, I made it up, y’all should be used to this by now). Boss is a bitch… or jerk… or asshat… whatever terminology used, and the boss in question perceives employee as having a negative attitude, being resistant, and possibly a bad employee.

How does this relate to the title? Well, we’ve all gotten into this rut of believing that everything has to be personalized, individualized, and that everyone deserves special circumstances in all situations. That’s just not how it works. Everyone believes they deserve special treatment, all the while never realizing that each and every person around them holds the same belief.

But wait, I’m more special than THAT guy over there!

Are you? Really? Are you? And that is where the manager starts really wrestling with their ideals. The truth is that every single person believes, truly believes that their case is special. In many situations, they believe that their case is more special than their colleagues, the guy down the hall that’s been waiting for two weeks for a 5 minute one-to-one with their boss, the boss themselves, and certainly more than some faceless corporate entity. They resent having the generalized rules applied to them, because their situation is obviously unique. Many times, the individual in question can’t imagine that there are a multitude of other people that are considering the same circumstances unfair because everyone has to follow the same rules. So, back to persons A and B. The manager evaluates and finds value in person A (as an employee) who always has a positive attitude and makes excellent performance marks. Person B, on the other hand frequently does the bare minimum and it is obvious to everyone. However, person B may still be valued in a different sense by being a very is generally a pleasant person, having a good sense of humor, and being extraordinarily likable in social situations. They just aren’t terribly diligent about work. So, person A asks to be able to attend a seminar that is out of town and requires travel so that they would be absent from normal work duties for a couple of days. They would like to be able to attend during work hours and do not have sufficient leave time available to take the time off. As a manager, you look and say, “Hmmm, yeah, A has been such an excellent performer, and while this seminar doesn’t have a direct impact on their current job, I can totally see how they might move up in this company and it would help them towards that goal…” Sounds reasonable, right? Nope. Why? Well, because when A happens to mention this at the water cooler where B and C are chatting, B says “Hey, she turned my request down for that seminar! I asked first. Boss must like you better than she does me.” Oh holy @#$%! And that is where discrimination complaints originate, blossom and grow. Whispers boil in darkened corners of special treatment, biased application of the rules, privilege because they like them better… you get the idea. Rumors can be started of even more unethical behavior. So, from a management perspective, if you are not willing to allow the same privilege to all of those in your management impact, then you probably shouldn’t allow any of them. Seems harsh, I know, but it is ultimately not only the safest path ethically, it is also the most fair, despite perception to the contrary for those who are subject to the decision.

Most of the time, the situations are nowhere near as clear cut as a high performer vs. low performer and special privilege. In that case, chances are that there are documented instances and sufficient evidence to support why person A deserves the privilege or reward as an objective measure rather than a purely subjective or perceived “She likes so-and-so better than she likes me… that’s discriminatory.” However, it is generally more often merely a matter of perception, language misconstrued, or normal application of policy for one staff member while another one was let slide because “well, they were going through a hard time.” Sometimes it is something as arbitrary as some employees feeling that others get all the boss’ attention and time. It might sound silly, but the employee who wants to be noticed seeing that the boss spends more time on the phone with, IM’ing with, going to lunch with one of their colleagues will take that unbalanced attention to be a privilege or bias that could construe discrimination. “He wouldn’t take time to meet with me to talk about that situation last week, but he spent two hours with his little pet.” Yep, that’s the sort of thing that gets said, with or without foundation. That is where the rubber hits the road. It is nearly impossible to be completely unbiased and fair at all times, but we have to make the best attempt at doing so. And that is why the policies are written with what can appear to be a redundant attention to minutia and universally applied in ways that that seem impossible and ridiculous at times. It isn’t that leadership doesn’t recognize uniqueness and individuality in diverse and varied situations, it is that the uniqueness and individuality of every person in their charge needs to be acknowledged, recognized, and attended in as equal a measure as is possible. To do so, it means that there is a movement towards heteronormativity that is frustrating (and I positively hate because it can seem unfair in its own right), but necessary to avoid discrimination by perceiving a subjective application of rules, regulations, policies, or laws.

Everyone is different. Each person is unique due to biology, environmental impact, and experience. Every person has the right to be recognized for their individuality as a human being within some sphere of their life. However, it also means that to do so, each person must recognize the individuality and the rights of others, and it doesn’t mean the rules should not apply to you. However, you shouldn’t need special consideration or dismissal of the rules to feel your own uniqueness. So, I hereby recognize and appreciate the uniqueness of all of you who read this, and I hope that somewhere in your life, you actually have that uniqueness acknowledged and recognized as special. In the meantime, I will continue to be unique myself… just like the rest of you.