And now… Just in time for the flipping of the yearly dial… the moment we’ve all been waiting for with so much anticipation…
Ok, so, not so much. While this is something I’ve been threatening to do for many, many years now, the rest of the world is probably not really given it much though. But wait, perhaps you merely do not know what you have been missing! It is the Calendar of Meh! What, you may ask, is the Calendar of Meh? Well, I’ll tell ya. Quite a number of years ago (the number is immaterial and too large for my vanity) as a colleague and I sat sleep deprived and unmotivated, we discussed the names given to the days of the week. Yes, we knew the etiology of the modern nomenclature (which alone is somewhat confusing and pantheist, but again a topic for another day perhaps), but somehow, the old days on the calendar do not properly reflect the true modern approach to our work week. Thus, we came up with a modern day cubical-denizen/slave’s version of the weekly diary… I’m sure the calendar companies will soon come banging on the door:
- Sunday – Dread Day or Day of Dread or Please don’t make me go to (school, work, etc.) day… oh yeah.
- Monday – there is really nothing worse than the original here.
- Tuesday – Bastard child of Monday, because you know it’s true (#onlyTuesday).
- Wednesday – Hump Day… Congrats, you made it halfway! You know it’s all downhill from here.
- Thursday – Friday Eve, because you know most people just treat it like part of the weekend anyway.
- Friday – because honestly there is nothing to improve here, unless we just say Wahoo!
- Saturday – Recovery Day, because that is what you are all doing, admit it.
Seriously, doesn’t this much more accurately describe how we all approach the days of the week? However, once I started thinking about how the week is described in a more descriptive approach, do the months need an overhaul? It’s not like we’ve had a good calendar revamp since 1752 when the Gregorian version was adopted by many (though not all) of the societies of the planet, generally giving us the rhyme about 30 and 31 days with that strange 28-day outlier that has to catch up with an extra day every 4 years (Leap Year… why is it leaping? I certainly do not feel very energetic during February, but I digress). Anyhow, I thought I’d try my hand those old monthly labels as well (keep in mind some of these might be a tad fluid instead of the set 28-31 day deal)… Here goes:
- Checkuary – the period of time, regardless of how many days it takes, where we all participate in the crossing out, erasing, and re-writing of the year number as we get used to it changing from the previous cycle…
- Brass-Brassiereary – which is easily easier to spell than the original and takes its name from northern hemispheric inhospitable temperatures…
- Irish Month – Everything is green. Everyone is inebriated. No one cares about your DNA.
- Taxuary – that time of year where we sit down and balance the accounts to see how much the government has picked our pockets and whether or not they have to give any back…
- Is-it-summer-yet? – Students can’t focus. Office workers take longer lunches.
- Midsommerish – More accuracy than snark, but there it is.
- Onfire – Mostly because of the cookouts and fireworks. The whole month seems to be about setting things on fire.
- Meltuary – Humidity and dog days, time to embrace air conditioning and icy beverages.
- ParentalGleeuary – Conversely this is also TeacherGloomuary… take that as you will.
- DressUpMonth – On a personal note, this is my personal favorite…
- @#$%-I’ve-not-started-shopping – Because, let’s be honest, we all kept telling ourselves “I’ve got plenty of time yet… “
- BuyersRemorse or TURNOFFTHATDANGMUSIC – dealer’s choice…
Some of the names are still a work in progress. I’ve considered other contenders such as “RunfortheBeachuary” and “STUPIDTURKEYANDCOOKIES MONTH” (or possibly “ALL.THE.PIE.”). However, there may be others that you yourself might consider more fitting for your own household. That is the beauty of Meh. It works for who you are. And that concludes my contributions to the calendar business. I’m sure I’ll start getting offers any minute…
For your use, there is a PDF template (below link) you can print and use as your personal Calendar of Meh and one for 2018 should you wish to use it… Happy New Year.