All posts by tananda

Vaping

Attack of the Vapors: A Juice by any other Name…

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For so many of the friends and family I have who have been switching over to vaping from smoking, the biggest complaint has been about trying to find a flavor that suits them. The taste options are so much vaster than with combustible tobacco, but it is still a very different experience for most lifetime smokers.

Contrary to what the media and the anti-smoking coalitions have been screaming for many years, most smokers did not start because of pretty colored cigarettes or sweet flavors. Most smokers started with plain ol’ tobacco or possibly menthol. And, the stupid cartoon camel had relatively little to do with coaxing them to the “dark side”. There was possibly a “cool” factor. Their friends were doing it. More likely, their parents were doing it. They may possibly have thought James Dean and Steve McQueen looked super-cool lighting up, but the majority of the young adult population today couldn’t even tell me who those people are.

So, the smokers of today, predominantly, smoke tobacco-flavored cigarettes in a rather bland looking carton, and most likely purchased whatever happened to be cheapest and didn’t give them immediate headaches or nausea. Still, prices went up and sin taxes attempted to wage war against poor health choices. The pharmaceutical companies promoted various options in gum and patch and pill form to help people who wanted to quit smoking. However, all parties concerned never considered that there were people who didn’t want to quit. They knew it was bad. It wasn’t even necessarily the nicotine. People felt comfort in the ritual of lighting up. There was camaraderie in the smoker’s circle, shed, hovering around an ash receptacle.

But I started this talking about the juice, not the ritual. The point I was trying to make was that there have been a number of people that I have spoken to about vaping, and the common thread is that they really cannot find a juice that tastes right to them. Tobacco flavors tend to taste like “wet cigarettes” (according to my informers), the heavy PG types smell and taste like the fog machine juice, there is often a chemical aftertaste with the electronic cigarettes, and the fruit flavors are fine for a while, but many have stated that they just don’t like the “sweets.” The folks that can’t find their go-to juice for that daily vape by and large tend to drop back off the vaping wagon and go back to their old friend, the “ciggies.” It isn’t that they didn’t have the fortitude to stick with it, and it usually isn’t a resistance to change. They just don’t like it. It doesn’t feel or taste the same, and without the familiarity of the comforts ingrained in the habit, they just can’t get what they need out of the new practice.

Is there a magic formula that makes some people transition successfully to vaping while others do not? Is it something different about the people who choose to vape and give up on combustible tobacco products? It may be a combination of all of it, but here is what I have noticed in talking to people on both sides of that coin.
First is the amount of nicotine in the juice. While the ritual is definitely part of the process and one of the reasons vaping works for people for whom pharmaceuticals and patches did not, the active addicting ingredient is still the nicotine. If there is not a high enough level in the vapor inhaled, it isn’t going to satisfy that part of the smoker’s draw. Everyone is different, but for the moderate to heavy smoker, most of the “pen” variety of vaporizers do not produce a big enough spike in nicotine to fulfill the craving of that first cigarette of the morning (or last at night). The vape pens and starter kits generally provide a level of nicotine and vapor to keep a maintenance level of nicotine in the system. I’m not going into the electrical jargon of it all (there are way too many people I know who could do a better job at that), but for the spike issues, a variable wattage or dripper tank that produces a higher level of vapor as desired generally fulfills that part of the deficit.

The second part of the equation, and the more tricky part, is the flavor conundrum. There are two different arguments on this score. There are those who want that flavor associated with their old “friend,” and there are those who want to get clean away from any suggestion of the cigarette flavor that might just make them want to go back. Almost universally, tobacco flavors do not do well for new vapers. Again, I call your attention to the phrase “wet cigarette.” Now, the exception to that has been some of the pipe or cigar tobacco flavors with hotter vapes. The “hotter” usually refers to higher wattage and dripper rigs that produce literally warmer clouds of vapor that taste and feel more like smoking a pipe or cigar. Also, rumor has it that there is a manufacturer who does naturally extracted tobacco processes and has managed to come up with some decent flavors, River Bottom Fog Sauce. However, all their juices have some percentage of PG. Johnson Creek also produces a number of decent tobacco flavors with VG only options. Also, there has recently been a reddit discussion specifically about tobacco flavors that don’t suck. So, for those who really want the tobacco flavor, it might be worth a read. So for those of you, who just really want your tobacco flavors, check out some of the links below. Something may work for you, and the folks producing liquids are getting better every day with replicating flavors. No need to despair.

For the cooler vape and smokers who like or even tolerate menthol, most of the menthol liquids manage to come closer to the mark and make for a reliable daily vape. For those folks wanting to get away from the tobacco flavors, there are a plethora of options. Most of the local vape shops and dealers have a wide variety. Some mix their own and can do custom liquids for you. Custards and fruit flavors tend to be popular. Chocolates are more difficult to replicate, but frequently have more of a cocoa flavor. Coffee flavors often do pretty well, and spices like cinnamon transition to the vape medium nicely. Some flavors need to steep, meaning they need to sit for a while to allow the liquid (PG or VG) to absorb the flavors, and some tend to fade with time if not used. Several people I have spoken with like to try different flavors and have their “special sauces” for dripping or for the after dinner or social vape and then something else that is more constant for their “daily vape.”

Something else to keep in mind, when you first start vaping after smoking, your sense of taste and smell are still a smoker’s. What do I mean by that? Smoking combustible tobacco tends to dull the taste and olfactory senses. The longer you are away from smoking, the more your sense of smell and taste return. The liquid you liked so much at the beginning may not taste the same after being combustion-free for a couple of weeks. That is when it is usually time to adjust and possibly change over to something different.

For anyone having trouble with the transition but are still wanting to make the change from combustible to vapor but have not been able to find that right flavor, just keep looking. If nothing in your local area works for you, try some of the available options online. Join some of the social media groups or follow some vape lines on Twitter, and register for free samples. The point is that it may take some trial and error to get what works for you. Also, what you need to get you past the first hurdles may not be what you stick with for a daily vape forever. For those sensitive to chemical tastes (perhaps even have reactions to PG) try some of the 100% VG options. There are more available than there used to be. If you have a good vapor lounge or vape shop in your local area, talk to your vendors and let them help you find something for yourself. If they have smaller bottles (like the 10 ml options), try several just to see which one works for you.

EC Blend – http://www.ecblendflavors.com/all-natural-and-organic-100-vg/

Ether Vapes, LLC – http://ethervapes.com

eVape Lounge – http://www.evapeloungetn.com/

Johnson Creek Smoke Juice – https://www.johnsoncreeksmokejuice.com/shop/smoke-juicehtml

Knoxville Vapor – http://knoxvillevaporshop.com/

Orb Vapor – http://www.orbvapor.com/

Orb_Vapor_All_Natural_Organic_E_Liquid_line_s/1834.htm

Reddit thread about tobacco flavors – http://www.reddit.com/r/electronic_cigarette/comments/1yt6d4/tobacco_flavor_fans_look_here_this_juice_just/

River Bottom Fog Sauce – http://vapingwatch.com

Saffire Vapor – http://saffireecigs.com/

Up-N-Vape – http://upnvape.myshopify.com/collections/premium-e-liquids

Vapor Boss – http://vapor-boss-inc.com

Velvet Cloud – http://www.velvetcloud.com/collections/e-liquid-blends

Vintage Vapors – http://www.vintagevapors.com/Knoxville-Location-s/1673.htm

Body Image, Health

Physical Fit: The “D” Word

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Before the 12-year-old mentalities start kicking in, I’m going to let you know that the D-word in this case is DIET. What? You weren’t expecting it? Of course you were. I even warned you in an earlier post that it would happen. However, more than that, it is a new year. One of the most popular resolutions for the New Year is related to weight loss, physical changes, and nutrition.

I am already completely over the number of different diet plans that are currently vying for my attention and hard-earned wages. The holiday jewelry, vehicle, and electronics commercials have given way to various diet programs, weight loss supplements, and work out videos. Every other commercial on radio or television right now is some type of weight loss, weight management, quick fix, just-send-your-money-and-you-can-look-like-a-pro-athlete program… Social media is no exception, and they are tricky: “Look at what this celeb has been lying to you about!… See how this starlet lost 30 pounds in just 6 weeks!… These exercises will lead to a firmer backside in just a month!… Five surprising food items you should never eat!” It is overwhelming and really, really annoying.

There are a lot of people that on January 2nd (let everyone have their holiday) said they were changing their approach to life, liberty, and the pursuit of junk food. Sadly, New Year’s resolutions frequently lose their resolve right around Superbowl Sunday. I mean, seriously, who can resist the Superbowl party foods and … yeah, party beverages.

The upshot of all of it would be that people kick themselves for falling off their proverbial wagon and their resolve for better living, healthier eating, and a smaller waistline tends to find its way into bin 13.

As a species, humans are indolent. I don’t mean that necessarily as a criticism. We are designed to be efficient in our use of energy so that we can put more of that energy into survival replicating our genetics in the next generation. The more efficient; the more energy. The more energy; the more available for the aforementioned survival and replication processes. So, we tend to crave high calorie and high fat foods and expend as little energy as we can. It isn’t really laziness or gluttony. It is merely a factor of evolution that said ancestors who put on enough fat to get them through the lean times survived while those who didn’t pack on enough storage perished. If you think about it that way… it’s not really our fault.

However, we live in a society and modern era where food is generally available to most. Even the destitute have options (despite what the commercials on the television will tell you). Unfortunately, the most available and least expensive foods generally have the least nutritional value and are, for the most part, horrible for you: Packed with processed sugars and preservatives that most people cannot pronounce. It is an unrealistic goal in this day and age, but I personally feel that if I can’t make it come out of my mouth readily with correct pronunciation, it probably shouldn’t go in my mouth and body. Just a thought.

So, back to what I was saying: The diet thing. Part of the problem is the word itself. Seriously. Just think about it. You hear the word “diet” and immediately, you mind jumps to every wonderful comforting edible that you will have to deny yourself until the pants fit. This is never a good way to approach a lifestyle change. The word itself really doesn’t mean that. In fact, the first definition in the dictionary isn’t related to denial or restriction at all:

Diet /ˈdīət/ noun. The kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats.

As you see, the word was completely innocent; innocent of negative connotations and ill feelings towards calories and restrictive eating habits. It just meant what we eat, but now… it to most people, it means counting calories, giving up favorite edibles, crying into our bowl of rabbit food… <sigh> Am I right?

This is a recipe for disaster and sets us up for failure in the healthy goal-setting scenarios. Initiating any change with a negative feelings and expectations does not bode well for making that change a habit. The human brain is more likely to adopt behaviors that relate to all those positive, feel good brain chemicals. The fact that in modern, western cultures we equate diets with punitive measures just doesn’t help matters at all.

You know what else doesn’t help? Television. The boob-tube, the idiot box, the… well, you get the idea. There are so many reasons why our electronic masters counteract positive measures in the dietary line. If you are a curious sort and are interested in how much our brains are assaulted by the visual and auditory media of the television, sit through an hour long television show and let the commercials play. Yes, I know, most of us DVR or record by whatever device we can to avoid that precise thing, but just for one show, try it. While you are sitting through the show and all the commercials count the number of food commercials (pizza, fast food, buffet restaurants with all-you-can-eat blazoned on their ads and signs). I’ve actually remarked on this little phenomenon for years, and mostly bitched because they would show the most mouth-watering deliciousness after closing hours for those particular entities that might provide said sustenance. The thing is, all of these commercials are designed to make that food look appealing. They are trying to get you to come in and drop monetary reward upon them in exchange for the feast laid before your eyes. However, you know what happens when the commercials play with their beautiful food items? Your brain thinks it is hungry. Seriously, even if you just had a meal, your brain says “Ooooh, I need that. Look at it!” And… your stomach ignores that it is full and prompts you to seek out something to make the brain shut up.

Other ways the telly is not your friend: Eating in front of one generally increases the amount of food you consume. That’s right. If you sit down in front of the tube and eat your meal while watching your favorite shows, you are likely to eat more because you are paying more attention to the show than on what you are eating or the sensations of fullness. This is true of snacks, too. So… here’s a scenario with which I am sadly too familiar. I’m watching a show on the TV and the first commercial break shows steaming, delicious food, piled with all the best and most favorite flavors. Brain says, “Hey, that looks sooooo good… I want some of that.” The body is a willing follower and suggests, “We might be hungry.” So, instead of leaving the house and going out to the establishment responsible for the suggestion, the legs take brain and body into the kitchen where upon the eyes stare into the pantry or fridge. Though the beautiful and appealing food from the television is not present, I grab any old snack to satisfy the perception that everyone wanted food. The giant bag of chips from the pantry is brought back to the couch and opened. The show is back on, and the hand to mouth ritual begins. The show being a riveting appeal to the other senses, attention stays focused until the cliff-hanger ending and credits roll. The eyes look down and find what, do you think? The entire bag of chips is gone. I have consumed an entire family sized back of greasy, salty crisps and barely even noticed. Does this sound familiar?

Another big enemy of healthy eating: Boredom. Yes, friends, being bored can lead to eating when we are not hungry. Our bodies seem to mistake all sorts of emotions for hunger, but the boredom aspect is definitely a big one. For me, it usually manifests as feeling antsy and “blah” and then, I go to the kitchen and stare at all of the things that might be edible, but nothing really screams “EAT ME!” So, I grab something… anything really. I eat that, but it wasn’t satisfying. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. By the end of an inactive day, I could have eaten a fridge full of food and not one bite satisfied.

Getting too hungry is possibly my biggest pitfalls. I’m one of those people that doesn’t plan well when it comes to daily nutrition intake. It is a combination of time constraints, laziness, and distaste for grocery shopping bordering on the pathological. It probably wouldn’t take all that long to just prepare a week’s worth of lunch and snack options that I could take with me to work, but even with the best of intentions, this doesn’t seem to occur. Instead, I frequently get caught in projects, meetings, and crises at work that occupy my mind and distract me from a growling belly only to find that somehow it is close to 3:00PM… and why eat at that point? Close to quitting time and then can just eat dinner when I get home. Yes, this is a routine for me. The problem is that by the time I leave the office (often later than I expected) and run to the gym, it is even later than I expected to get home. At this point, my stomach has given up on subtle hints and is loudly proclaiming that hunger strikes are not ok! Anyhow, instead of eating a reasonable meal with appropriate helpings, I am prepared to eat an entire herd of cattle by myself with accompanying sides. When we get too hungry, we eat more and we eat fast not giving our system time to recognize that we are full.

Temperature is also a trigger for me. When it gets cold, my appetite skyrockets. Perhaps my body is trying to add blubber to help insulate, but along with not being able to feel warm, I seem to always be hungry.

Oh! While we are exploring all the various ways we can be enticed into less than appropriate intake, let’s not forget the ridiculous portion sizes at most restaurants. This is possibly a touchy subject, but I cannot help but think that eating out is more of a detriment to healthy eating and diet, not because of the quality of the food, but because of the portions. I can almost hear the willpower-gifted among you say “well, you don’t have to eat it all…” Um… yeah. So, I see things like “$5 for two feet of sandwich! What a deal!” What?!? Who needs two FEET of sandwich. That is 24 inches. Let’s put it in perspective. The most calorie conscious of the commercial sandwiches is 230 calories for the vegetarian option and 280 for turkey… for 6 inches. That is also with no condiments. So, no mayo. No mustard. No cheese. Do the math. That is 920 calories for your $5 value of two feet of sandwich with nothing but vegetables and bread. That is a lot of calories. Now, if you were sharing that deal with 3 other people, it’s not a bad situation. Each person for a little over $1 can have a 6-inch sandwich, or if one person buys the $5 worth of sandwich and eats one 6 inch portion, they could save the rest for later. Potentially, they could have 4 meals worth of sandwich for five bucks! Not bad at all, but the truth is that if someone goes in and spends $5 for two feet of sandwich, they are probably going to eat every blessed inch themselves. There are too many people that do not have the willpower to divide an oversized portion appropriately and save it for later, share it with someone else, or (heaven forbid!) leave it on the plate. It just is not going to happen. And why won’t restaurants serve appropriate portions with appropriately divided prices? Because they have market analysts and business planners who know psychologically people are more likely to pay the higher price for larger portions than the cheaper prices for what they may see as inadequate portion.

For what it is worth, I honestly do not know the magical formula and perfect nutritional plan to increase satisfaction and decrease adipose tissue. If I did, I am fairly certain I would be getting paid for my valuable insights instead of just ranting about my feelings of frustration. There are some remarkably successful plans out there that are not crazy, unhealthy, or astronomically expensive. The best diet is going to be sustainable and safe. Everyone is different. The same diet that worked perfectly for your friend may not have the same results for you, and it is a good idea before embarking on any drastic changes in lifestyle or diet to consult your doctor. Yeah, I know, it sounds trite and cliché, but it isn’t a bad idea to get some baseline measures, too (like your blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides, etc.). Also, restricting your intake of edible nutrients can also impact your intake of water (we do get some of it from the food we eat) and natural vitamins and minerals. So, it’s important to stay hydrated and a good idea to take a multivitamin.

Anyhow, for myself, I believe that my approach will be to avoid boredom, avoid a lot of television, try to eat at regular intervals to avoid being over hungry, and pay more attention to the food I put in my mouth overall. We’ll see how that goes.

Uncategorized

‘Twas the night before Christmas…

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HJ_West-300x205

And all through the workplace,

The parking lot was empty.

Every single space.

 

The cubicles were dark.

Quite a spooky effect.

All inhabitants chose to work from home,

But I said “What the heck?”

 

“I’ve got a ton to get done,

Discharge summaries and the rest.

And I don’t really mind the quiet.

It’s how I work best.”

 

Turning to my computer,

And setting to work,

“At least I’ll have all the coffee

That’s definitely a perk.”

 

Unexplained bumps and occasional computer glitch

Are enough to make even the most staid person twitch.

Only a few more hours, then I can call it a day.

Likely no one would even notice if I didn’t stay.

 

Before too much longer it is time to go home

I make my way in my jeep through the descending gloam

And in truth I am glad to have my work and my pay

And to feel some sense of accomplishment at the end of my day.

 

To my friends home and warm

I send this holiday charm

You are all a joy to work with whether day or night

Merry Christmas to all, and may it be safe and bright!

*This was originally written and sent in 2012 as holiday fun for all my colleagues and fellow cubical dwellers. As cheesy as it may seem, sometimes the corny sentiments are still heartfelt. My apologies to Clement Clarke Moore for the artistic license to the classic.

Memories, personal

Taking the tally… Still in the good

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Memory is a blessing and a curse. Most of the time people talk about the ghosts of the past that highlight regrets or bring back times that remind us of what we missed or lost. We think about “good old days” and “back when”. Primarily, that particular ability for recall brings up all the deficits of the present as we put on the rose colored glasses of “yesteryear”.

Don’t get me wrong. I am as guilty as the next. There are some terribly painful missing elements in my present existence and some glorious victories of days gone by that make me feel every second of my *cough* years. I have aches of grief and regret. I pine for times gone by that history has graced with a veneer of soft reminiscence. I miss the people gone from my life. I miss… my youth, my choices not taken, and I consider the alternative pathways I might have explored.

And now I will call for a full stop, before I start traipsing down that depressing road.

I had a reminder this very evening that memory can also be a blessing. I stepped into one of our regular haunts. For those who understand the concept of “the pub,” there is no explanation required. For the rest, a pub or “the pub” isn’t a bar or even just an establishment serving adult beverages. It is the local gathering place, where people share news and gossip, where you celebrate you victories amongst friends and your griefs amongst family. It is, to borrow from an iconic television cliche “a place where everybody knows your name.” These establishments are rare in the U.S. (we had prohibition, remember), and even more so in the south. I’ve been lucky enough to find a few places that fit the bill. It isn’t about the liquid refreshment or food. It is about the staff and the patrons who frequent these rare gems that give them the distinction of “pub”.

I’ve gotten distracted, as usual, but tonight, I had a plethora of stimuli that set up the internal playback mechanisms. The jukebox had evidently been loaded by every family member and friend wanting to visit my recollections. Every musical interlude called to mind a different person or particularly vivid event to mind. The time of year primed my mind to drift towards the past and all the elements missing from my present.

My saving grace met me shortly upon entering the pub. Making customary greetings, I happened upon this dear friend (family of choice). He remarked to me, “Remember how we met…”

I did. In that particular instance, he had been helping out on a busy night waiting tables. We had been new patrons. He smarted off. I smarted back. The rest is history. No. It isn’t. It is present. It is future. We recognized something in each other: A sense of humor, a spark of something… In days past they might have called it kindred spirit. From there so many friendships and feelings of family grew…

It reminded me of all the people that circumstance and synchronicity has brought to my life. Not all good, but if I am honest (and I suck at lying) more good than bad.

This year… It’s blown chunks. I can’t lie (see above). There have been some extraordinarily bad times about this year. But tonight, I was reminded that if I examine the account, my balance is still the the good. Take the win. Worry about the margin another time.

Body Image, Health

Physical Fit: Your Charts Do Not Define My Feelings

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While the majority of my entries on this topic have been a collection of anecdotes and observations about a middle aged woman’s efforts to shed some undesired adipose tissue and maybe acquire a healthier lifestyle along the way, there is really more to all of this than exercise. And, no, I’m not talking about dietary changes either (though stay tuned, because that is coming… go ahead and groan). I’m actually talking about other parts of health and wellness that include healthcare professionals.

Yes, I’m going to talk about going to see your doctor. Before you start to close the browser window, just hear me out (or at least continue reading).

Healthcare in the USA is a bit of a trigger point for some emotionally charged political discussions. I am NOT going to be dealing with those issues here¸ other than to say the government is pushing for everyone to have some sort of healthcare coverage. Again, not going to talk about the merits of how they are doing this. The point being there are more people who are complying with the mandate to get insurance, though not enough are financially able to do so as it stands.

Most health plans (I won’t generalize to ALL) actually cover preventative care at 100% or at least at a higher percentage than “sick call”. Preventative care is your yearly check-ups, routine labwork, cholesterol and triglyceride checks, colonoscopies (at certain ages), gynecology checks, and mammograms (again at certain ages). Some even give you incentives to get these things done. Regardless, part of living a healthier life and pursuing any sort of physical fitness means being aware of these factors that impact health and taking the steps to stay healthy and catch anything that might be a sign that something is not right early enough to do something about it.

However, visiting the doctor is not without its “slings and arrows,” as I discovered when I was being appropriately health conscious and having a bit of a check in with my oncologist/hematologist (not all my medical interactions have been preventative, unfortunately). Part of these visits, aside from the vampiric portion of the program (that part where they take what seems to be all of my blood for their own purposes and then tell me that I’m anemic), is to weigh me. I will tell you, that while I am not the epitome of vanity, I dread those damned doctor scales every time.

Unlike the spring or digital version of the friendly (or not so friendly) bathroom scale, these monstrosities compound the insult with injurious placement of little weights at varying degrees to measure and using lever and fulcrum with little leaden weights to accurately determine the amount the body weighs in response to earth’s gravitational pull. Keep in mind; you are being weighed without the psychological benefit of removing shoes and clothing to ditch a few extra ounces. Yes, I know they are more accurate, but seriously? Watching the nurse wait to see if the indicator rises or falls below the midline and trying to imagine myself being light as a feather or holding my breath as if that would possibly make the numbers go in my favor… she reaches out and keeps adjusting… adding more and more weight and sliding those little bastards further towards the end to balance the leverage against my ponderous mass. It is a humiliating experience. Not merely just watching the numbers is agonizing but also because, in this particular case, the scales in question are in the high traffic area right next to the counter where the next appointments are scheduled and the “checking out” ritual occurs. So, everyone passes by and can view my shame… it is very unlikely that they give two rips about my weight, but it is just the perception, you know.

So, while I have not the svelte or willowy physique of a runway model, nor do I have claim to the hourglass figure of Marilyn Monroe, I am a solid specimen and as I have been working out there are fewer bits that jiggle than there used to be. Since embarking on my fitness journey, I have shed a few pounds, but not any drastic offloading of weight, as the scales do attest. I am, however, what is considered tall for a female. I am about six feet of human female, and I have always tended to be more on the athletic, Amazon build than otherwise. I’ll even share with you the actual number that was on the aforementioned apparatus: 194. So, like I said… solid. I will not be blowing away in a good gale nor will I have any problems remaining firmly grounded upon the earth.

Anyhow, after the weighing in process was complete, I waited in my appointed examination room for the appearance of the doctor (or more likely one of his myriad of minions). Sure enough, in walked one of my medical staff with my chart in hand. All in all, the results were in my favor. My values were the best they have been in many years. I basked in the glow of all the positive praise of my good health when I happened to glance down at the chart and my eyes riveted on one diagnosis… OBESITY.

Yep, that is what it said. I will admit that from that moment, no other words or information permeated my brain. I was stuck. I had been labeled as obese. I couldn’t tell you what more was said before I took my little paper to the desk to schedule my next follow up. I mechanically responded to questions and took my appointment card. I wandered in a trance-like state to my vehicle in the parking lot and made my way back to the office. For the rest of the day, I ruminated on this term: Obese. I immediately saw it as a criticism, and I pondered what more I could do. I had changed my lifestyle and been working out. I was tracking every morsel of food that entered my body. My medical provider had labeled me with an unhealthy, primarily self-induced condition that could have devastating impact on the rest of my physical health. I work in the healthcare field. I see this term applied all the time. I know what it means technically, but while as a clinician I know the terms and criteria of the diagnosis, I also cannot rid myself of the emotional connotations of the term in our society.

Think about it. What do we think of when we hear “obese” or “obesity”? Immediately, we have the image in our minds of the lazy, couch potato with rolls of adipose tissue bursting from the straining fabrics and elastics of their clothing while they continue to absorb billions of empty calories and high fats from junk food and sodas. Admit it. That image is there.

Clinically, what that term means is that on a chart somewhere in a text book, on a wall, in a computer program, there is a BMI that corresponds to weight and height and some assigned level of normalcy or healthy. BMI stands for Body Mass Index and involves some mathematical gymnastics using weight and height to give a number by which some medical professional can determine your health risk due to carrying unnecessary poundage… or conversely have concern that the patient may be underweight and suffering from malnutrition due to starvation. There are tons of BMI calculators online. There are also a plethora of charts that show what constitutes a healthy BMI range. Strangely, not all the charts appear to be in agreement. However, while they do not all seem to agree with where I fit in precisely, they all appear to think I weigh more than I should.

I left my oncologist’s office less focused on the positive aspects (namely my blood pressure being 98/60 and my blood values representing me as all but the perfect specimen of hematologic health) and instead, completely obsessed with the “obesity” word. In my mind this word had taken on a character and importance of a proclamation from heaven. It destroyed my whole day. It’s true. I had the pervasive emotional funk wrapped around me like the proverbial cloak, and I’m pretty certain that there was a black cloud hovering over my head that shot lightning bolts at passersby. True story. Ask my staff. Some are still recovering from their burns.

Eventually one brave soul actually asked me what was wrong, and to my extreme shame, I told him… “I am obese…”

This admission and declaration attracted the attention of another friend who stopped in his tracks and the two stood there staring at me as if I had grown a second head or possibly a second ass since my weight was the apparent issue. Their continued appraisal was beginning to make me uncomfortable when they both responded with “What?!?” I repeated the shameful statement, and to my amazement they just started laughing. I did not particularly appreciate the humor in this case, but then they started both talking at once to declare the complete inaccuracy of the diagnosis. I explained to them where I had seen it and how it had been determined. Both of these guys have some knowledge of the fitness realm, and finally they were able to tell me why what I had seen was ridiculous. It seems that these charts to which so many of our medical professions are adherent fail to take into account muscle mass and fat to muscle ratios. My friends recounted various individuals who were the epitome of fitness, weight trainers, and body builders who were by these charts considered obese because the chart compares weight to height… and nothing else.

Finally, they asked me how I felt. And I had to actually consider it. How did I feel if I ignored that word that was still indelibly burned into my temporal lobe (obese…ob-ese…o-b-e-s-e…)? I thought about it. I felt pretty good. I can run three miles without wanting to die or feeling that I am expiring. I go to the gym five or six times a week. I seem to have more energy. I’m eating better. I notice that some of my clothing fits differently than it formerly did. So… yeah, I’d have to say, I feel pretty good. Why did the numbers on a scale have that power over me?

And that… my friends, is the moral of the story. Those numbers and charts and scales are not always the best measure of overall health. Do I suggest you ignore them all together? No. But I do believe that there has been too much emphasis placed on how much a person weighs instead of body composition, muscle and bone density (especially as we get older), and the feeling of wellbeing and fitness. What matters to me is that I continue to run and do my strength training and feel healthier and keep my blood levels and vitals where they should be. Too much attention to the numbers on the scale can lead to eating disorders and vicious cycles of weight loss and gain that is unhealthier than trying to be more active and eat good things.

If you, like me, are struggling with the numbers on a weighing device, try taking a break from it. Try using other body measurements (yes, like with a tape measure). If you have access to body fat calipers, use them. Keep a log of your activities and truly assess how you feel when you are physically expending energy. Make that scale a once in a while thing instead of a daily or even weekly thing. Realize that we are all different in our composition and that the charts are designed based on the averages and sometimes are not even using the most updated best-evidence models of health. I personally still have some pounds to shed. My knees tell me this, not the scales or charts. I focus now primarily on my lifestyle not my weight. I have declared to all that the charts will not define how I feel.

Body Image, Health

Physical Fit: And on the 8th day she rested… or was it the 3rd day… maybe the 6th?

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Lately, I have been investigating the various opinions and versions of the “rest day” or “skip day”. I shall endeavor to summarize and synthesize what I have gathered… and maybe by the end of it, I’ll have some clue about it myself.

I recently experienced a plateau that set me back and made me reconsider the wisdom of my fit of mad fitness. I started feeling fatigue and felt myself slowing down. That wasn’t supposed to happen. I should have been noticing changes and improvements and things getting easier. Instead, I saw the numbers on the scale not moving or changing in any way, and I felt that somehow things that were previously getting less arduous were starting to require more effort.

It was disheartening, to say the least. This prompted a good many conversations with people I considered more knowledgeable, especially with regards to the gym and fitness routine, than myself. Many, many helpful tips were given. Several plan suggestions were outlined. And one rather vehement admonishment was presented. This last bit, I will say, was the most difficult for me to actually appreciate or believe. It came upon the headwinds of an Autumn cold, and it went something like this:

Friend: You need to take it easy.

Me: I’m ok.

Friend: You want to stay that way… You need to take a break. You push too hard, and you are going to compromise your immune system.

Me: I’ll be fine. I just don’t want to lose my momentum…

Friend: Um… yeah, you will lose more ground if you make yourself sick.

Me: Ok, I’ll take it easy.

Friend: I don’t believe you…

Whereupon, I proceeded to ignore the sage advice (I didn’t want to lose my positive inertia). It wasn’t really that I discounted the advice as untrue or ill founded. It was that I had gotten myself into a panic that if I slowed down, even slightly, I would lose valuable ground… or worse, I would backslide into furniture-tuberness (yes, I made that up). I knew my own weaknesses and my tendency to come up with excuses to avoid the gym. I strongly suspected that given any opportunity, the devil on my shoulder would dig in and convince me to give up this whole silly idea of getting healthy and persuade me to embrace some old, bad habits. The point being is that my brain could not really grasp the idea that taking a break could, in any way, be beneficial towards improving my training.

And then, the elephant seal took up residence in my chest. How do I know it was an elephant seal? It barked… sometimes all night. I coughed, I hacked, and I certainly did not sleep. My immune system said “You didn’t listen? Fine, now see what we can do.” I suspect I was very lucky that it wasn’t worse. A few years ago, a compromised immune system resulted in a bout of the shingles that rivaled close communion with a blowtorch and made a burn unit look like a resort spa. At any rate, on this occasion I was forced to slow down by mere fact that I couldn’t expend much effort without being immobilized by a coughing fit that made complete strangers want to leave town and call the CDC.

So, I took it easier. I stopped looking to set any new speed records for myself. I focused on just staying active, but I tried not to push very hard. About this same time, the other aspects of my life decided that the health crisis intervention was just not doing the trick and decided to hit me in some other particularly unpleasant ways. The upshot of it all was an unexpected, unplanned, and entirely unwanted break from what had become my rather comfortable routine and a trip out of town in order to put some things back in order. It was not a mere decrease in intensity of activity. It was a complete absence of any of my usual cardiovascular or strength training or even flexibility exercises. This is not the way I would suggest that any of you who are currently reading this be introduced to rest or skip days.

When I was finally given opportunity of getting back to the gym, I dreaded how my body would respond after the forced decrease in activity. True to form, the first day back, my mind started concocting all manner of excuses and reasons to postpone my return to the gym. However, I am happy to say I countered the internal arguments and pushed myself back through the doors to face what I was sure would be “starting over.” Much to my surprise, the first thing I did was break my own record to run 3.37 miles in 25 minutes, and I did it without keeling over. This was astonishing. I was genuinely dumbfounded that being away from my workout for several days had not completely undone all the good work of the previous months and set me back firmly in the realm of inactivity. And… so… I started considering (and reading about) the importance of rest, routine, and muscle confusion in any plan to improve health and well-being.

What my friend said is true. Over-exercising can negatively impact the immune system resulting in illness, and overworking certain muscle groups and body parts can result in fatigue and injury. However, fatiguing the muscles is part of the strength training process, and how is this related to rest days or staying on track with the formation of healthy habits? Well, I’ll tell you what I’ve found…

  • According to most sources it takes about three weeks for a behavior to become a habit. So, try to still with a consistent (no rest/skip days or weeks) routine for at least a 21-day cycle when starting.
  • Most health journals and online medical information sites indicate that exercise promotes good health, prevents illness, and wards off disease and depression.
  • Overtaxing the system, even with health-promoting fitness regimen, can impact the immune system in a negative way and overstrain muscles and connective tissues resulting in injury. Incorporation or recovery time is important to the overall efficacy of physical activity.
  • Most physical fitness recommendations are to engage in some sort of exercise at least three times per week, but it is also recommended that for good health, people should have some sort of physical activity (even just taking a walk) each day.
  • Many fitness programs recommend one or more day of rest per week… Not necessarily zero activity, but less intense activity.
  • Some training plans advocate for a rest week (again, not quality time with your couch cushions… but instead taking a break from your regular workout intensity or type). The recommended frequency depends on your routine and chosen focus, but no more than every other month.
  • Often a break now and then from the usual workout routine will give a kick start to training goals and can help get past a plateau.

The point to all of it is that pounding away at workouts non-stop is not always the best approach to a healthier lifestyle or to reaching physical goals. Additionally, taking a break (planned or not) doesn’t mean that you are slacking, that you have failed at physical fitness, or that you will lose hard-earned ground in the pursuit of better physique or better health. In fact, inserting a rest day or two into the workout plan can boost the efficacy of training. If nothing else, it is important to remember that a day or two away from the gym doesn’t have to result in a derailment of healthy lifestyle. Now that I have experienced it for myself, I can say with sincerity that my body responds better and benefits more when occasionally I remember to take time out to rest.

Memories

When the Frost is on the Punkin’…

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http://rebloggy.com/post/scary-cold-halloween-fall-forest-autumn-mist-haunted-darkness-leaves-woods-spook/60120070804

“The frost is on the punkin’ and the fodder’s in the shock…”

~James Whitcomb Riley

The mornings have a crispness that heralds the shortened days and chill of winter, but the sun still holds warmth of the aging summer that softens the transition and holds off winter’s grasp for just a while. The blue of the sky is clear and particular to the autumn; it’s a color that is not present at any other time of the year.

Even for an inveterate sun-worshipper such as me, the fall of the year holds something very special. There is something mystical and magic about the fogs that creep along the ground and crawl out of meadows and fields to cross roadways and paths. The smell of campfires, bonfires, and burning leaves on the cool evening air calls to mind the sounds of laughter and chill up the spine from ghost stories told around the fire. The flashing lights of fireflies give way to the sparks rising into the cold night air with the smoke.

I am not a big fan of colder temperatures, and I am certainly not a fan of less sunlight. However, I have to admit that there is something about the autumn that makes me happy.

I think that it is a lot of memory is stored up in the sensory experience of this season we call the fall of the year. The science involved refers to the olfactory bulb and the temporal lobe and hippocampus being all there nestled together, but the truth is that there is just a lot of really fun stuff that happens during this time of the year. The smell of bonfires and leaves burning mixed with the sweet smell of hay just put in the barns and even the scent of curing tobacco hanging from the rafters… these are all smells strongly associated with my childhood and memories of my family, now many of whom are now absent from my life, departing in greater numbers in the last decade to leave very few of us to carry on traditions and remember.

I still revel in listening to ghost stories around a fire while drinking warm cocoa or possibly hot cider. There is a thrill that goes up my spine with a really good spooky tale or a haunted house, wood, or corn maze; and I love the fog that creeps across the low fields and meadows like something out of one of those stories. I love the sun hitting the side of the mountains and illuminating the flames of color off-set by the deep greens of the evergreen conifers native to the southern United States.

Maybe it is true, what they say about the veil being thin at this time of year. It always seems that those people I miss are more frequently in my thoughts. Their memories pop up at various times, sparked by some trigger of my senses. I miss them more. I find myself wanting to share my observations and thoughts and plans. I feel their ghosts around me, but I still feel the gaping absence as well. It is as if I turn my head quickly enough, I can see one of them looking over my shoulder now as I type… but like Orpheus, the shade is gone when I cast my glance behind me.

It is a romantic time. It is a time when the chill in the air and the hint of a goblin coming to get you is an excuse to cuddle closer and sneak off to darkened alcoves. It is a time for laughter, fun, and friends. It is the opportunity to dress up and be someone else entirely for a night (or possibly more often, depending on your social engagements). It is a time for carving jack-o-lanterns and roasting pumpkin seeds and baking and indulging in a few traditional superstitions… just because it is fun to remember.

It is time to make wishes and see omens in nature and visions in the firelight. It is time to heed the owl’s warning and ask for wisdom in dreams. It is time to remember. It is time to reflect. It is time to revel in this “in between” season as the earth relinquishes the warmth of the sun and turns herself back to the darkness and cold until the days grow longer again.

And because James Whitcomb Riley’s are the words and dialect that always come to mind during this time of year, I’ll leave you with a snippet of another of his verses:

An’ little Orphant Annie says, when the blaze is blue,
An’ the lamp-wick sputters, an’ the wind goes woo-oo!
An’ you hear the crickets quit, an’ the moon is gray,
An’ the lightnin’-bugs in dew is all squenched away,–
You better mind yer parunts, an’ yer teachurs fond an’ dear,
An’ churish them ‘at loves you, an’ dry the orphant’s tear,
An’ he’p the pore an’ needy ones ‘at clusters all about,
Er the Gobble-uns ‘ll git you
Ef you
Don’t
Watch
Out!

Body Image, Health

Physical Fit: Oh! There IS a reason for that thingy…

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So, my workout journey continues. I’ve experienced my various slips and backslides and general lack of motivation, but on the whole, things have gone pretty well.

I have spoken previously about necessary equipment for the ritual of working out. For the most part, I would say that you can get away with very little in the way of purchases when starting down the road to a more active lifestyle. Provided you have appropriate footwear to provide support (though obviously footwear is not necessary for all forms of exercise), workout apparel that is comfortable (unless of course you belong to a nudist organization and are content with the effects of gravity upon pendulous parts), and… well, honestly that pretty much covers it. You really need nothing else. It is entirely possible to have physical activity for the purpose of health and well-being without a lot of props.

That said, most people have some form of headphones with appropriate technology to provide background noise of some kind. I am lucky enough to belong to a gym that provides television screens and headphone jacks so that I need not even have my own device. I usually do, though. I’m as attached to my phone as anyone else… and so begins my tale of woe. Well, maybe not so much woe as oh my did anyone see that?!?

Anyone who has jumped on the physical fitness wagon will find themselves bombarded by a variety of “must haves” and “needs” from athletic merchandizers. There are health monitors, gadgets, breathing apparatuses, self-filtering water bottles, attachments for measuring all manner of vital statistics, and of course the clothing and shoe fashions. It is a constant pull of the commercial industries to get your money, and I personally was taking a firm stance to not give into this flagrant display of capitalistic whoredom. I am made of stauncher stuff. I would not be moved (just don’t advertise the stuff on late night television because my will is weak in the wee hours).

One of the silliest devices, in my opinion, was these little holster-like objects that fasten around one’s arm or other appendage and would hold sound production devices or mobile phone. They are frequently made of some neoprene like substance that reminded me, for all the world, of my SCUBA wetsuit. While I didn’t completely dismiss them out of hand, I mostly considered them a vanity for the high fashion conscious workout set. You know the type, the ones with matching outfits made of coordinated spandex and triple digit footwear. I was most decidedly not one of those people, and so, I saw no need to invest in the cute little arm/phone belt that comes in a variety of colors. In fact, I strongly suspected that a lot of people wore them for the sole purpose of showing off their biceps. This was clearly a douch-nozzle or spandex nazi object unworthy of my serious pursuit of better health. I could do very well with my handy phone holster that attaches to my waistband. I certainly did not need to spend my hard-earned wages to be fashionably equipped with my phone holder.

Miscalculation number one: Phones these days, though technology is getting more miniature and compact, are heavy. They respond to gravity much like little talkative paperweights.

Miscalculation number two: Not all workout pants, shorts, or leggings come equipped with drawstrings.

Miscalculation number three: Cardiovascular activity generally involves some bouncing and jarring of the body and all attached items.

And my fourth and final miscalculation: Pants stretch.

You are probably already getting the idea. I think I heard a few snickers back there in the back. One bright and sunny day in the not very distant past, I betook myself to ye ol’ proving grounds for my daily workout. That day, I happened to be sporting one of my purchases that you may recall from an earlier article. This particular pair of leggings was of the cropped variety and was without the drawstring option. They fit well enough when I changed into them. Sadly, the sadists who designed said apparel also decided that a firm elastic waistband was also unnecessary. I believe that this garment was meant to be held up by hopes and magic. Nevertheless, I had attached my trusty holster, put in my earbuds, and mounted my favorite elliptical machine.

I started at a good pace and set the timer for a nice cardio session. About halfway into my run on the elliptical, I noticed that something was happening at around waist level… or rather what should have been waist level and was now slowly creeping towards my groin area.

Now, for those unfamiliar with the equipment known as an elliptical machine, I will tell you that it is a marvelous device for those of us with fragile knees. However, it is also designed to require some attention to technique and has the potential of mayhem if not attending to the poetry of motion associated with the ski-pole like handle movement and pedal like running steps. In other words, taking my hands off to adjust my waistband against the forces of gravity was some high risk behavior. Needs must when the devil drives, and so, I quickly removed one hand from the grips to jerk my waistband back up to its appropriate location and continued in my progress.

I listen to books when I run typically. I must have gotten to an absolutely riveting portion of the narrative because the next sensation to draw my attention was the feeling that my backside was receiving a good deal more breeze than is normal for my appropriate clad posterior, and to my horror I found that I had, in fact, been pants’d by my phone. Yes, ladies and gentleman, the moon (well at least my chunnies) was shining for all the world to see… or at least the poor souls that occupied the elliptical and treadmill rows behind me. Oh the humanity!

And that is how I came to own my very own arm holster… I think it shows off my bicep quite nicely, don’t you?

20141023_175119

personal

PSA: Scams… Same ol’ song and dance…

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So, I know that most of this is old news to anyone with internet, but I found some of it entertaining and some just a bit more concerning. I’ll start with a little game I like to call the “telephone game.”

My phone rang for the umpteenth time in the past few days with the same number that was still unknown to me (209-813-0503, and yes… it has been reported. More on that later…). So, I decided that since they were so very desperate to get in touch with me (but never wanted to leave a message), I would answer. A very heavily accented (I can’t really tell you what the accent is because it changed locals and dialects about five times during the conversation) voice asked if I was the person to whom they were speaking (not in those terms, but you get the idea). The rest of the conversation went like this:

Me: Yes, this is.

Caller: This is Kevin [um…yeah, whatever], and I am with the U.S. Government Grass Department…

Me: The what department?

Kevin: The U.S. Government GRNSS department.

Me: Ok, I’m still not getting it. What department is that?

Kevin: The U.S. Governm….

Me: Kevin, yes. I got the whole government part in this, but I am completely unfamiliar with which department that might be. Perhaps we are experiencing a linguistic problem?

Kevin: The GRNSS… G-R-A-N…

Me: Oh! Grants. The grants department. We’re talking about money. I don’t have any. You’ll need to talk to someone else.

Kevin: No, ma’am. I am with the U.S. Govern…

Me: Yep. Gotcha, Kevin, but I don’t have any extra to contribute. The government already took mine, and I gave at the office.

Kevin: *crickets* Um, no. You have qualified to receive $7193 for your own purposes.

Me: What?!? You mean you want to give ME money? That’s how much?

Kevin: $7193.

Me: Ok. So, you gonna mail me a check or something?

Kevin: You have two options to receive the money. You can receive it by bank account, like checking, savings or something. Or you can receive it on plastic card.

Me: Plastic card? Not paper or metal? Ok… so, I definitely want money. How do I get this $7193?

Kevin: I need to verify that it is you.

Me: Ok.

At this point, Kevin proceeded to verify address and phone number. I was a little disturbed by the address portion of the program, but it’s not like it is difficult to Google these things. Once my identity had apparently be verified, we continued.

Kevin: Now, for what purpose would you use this money?

Me: Why?

Kevin: Excuse me? Why what?

Me: Why do you need to know? If I have qualified already, why would I need to explain myself?

Kevin: Um… we… I mean the U.S. Government Grants Department needs to inquire if there is a purpose for the funds dispensed. For repayment of debt? For purchasing a car?

Me: Well, that wouldn’t be much of a car. But, ok. Um… I would probably repay some bills.

Kevin: Repay…some…bills… [as if he is writing it down] Ok… that is all.

Me: Awesome. That was pretty painless. When can I get my money?

Kevin: Ok, how would you like to receive your money? You have two options: Bank account or plastic card.

Me: Oh, I think I would rather you mail the plastic card.

Kevin: *crickets* Um…what?

Me: You are going to mail me some sort of debit card with the money on there, right?

Kevin: Oh, no ma’am. You misunderstood. We put it on your card.

Me: My card? Like a card I have? I don’t have a card. Did you mail it to me?

Kevin: No… um… you have plastic card?

Me: Oh, like a credit card. Oh! I see. Wow, I’m dense. Sorry. No, I don’t think I want to do that. Let’s do the bank account.

Kevin: Ok. What is the account number?

Me: How should I know?

Kevin: Your account number where we will put the money.

Me: How would I know the account number for the account you are opening for me to draw on?

Kevin: [who now thinks that this is possibly the stupidest woman he has tried to con all day] No, your account, ma’am.

Me: Oh, I’m being silly again. You want me to give you my bank account information so that you can wire the money into it, right?

Kevin: [with an audible sigh of relief] Yes, ma’am.

Me: Oh, well that information would be “No”.

Kevin: What?

Me: Wasn’t I clear? Hell no, then. How’s that?

Kevin: But without the information, we cannot give you the money.

Me: Kevin, sweetie, I believe you are going to give me $7193 about like I think I can go outside right now and fly. This may be news to you, but I don’t give money, social security numbers, or account information to displaced Nigerian princes either, sweat pea. However… I have managed to keep you on this nice phone long enough to pick up environmental information in the background and send the spoof number to the law enforcement registry to try and get a trace…

Kevin: Um… uh… ma’am. I don’t… [CLICK]

Yeah, and that was my entertainment for about 15-20 minutes of my lunch break. This is nothing new, it is just repackaged. What I do find intriguing is that these artists are learning and using new tricks and tales. I liked the U.S. Government Grant flourish. Everyone and their second cousin twice removed have seen the infomercials and ads for how to get unclaimed money from the government. According to all these TV hawkers, the federal government has billions of unclaimed funds that all you have to do is ask… How about not-so-much? While there are a number of programs with money that has been earmarked for programs or assistance, I know not one of them that you don’t at least have to fill out some pretty impressive officially bureaucratic forms or write and actual grant proposal and explanation of what you want to do with the funds to obtain. Which brings me to another new, very nice touch: Kevin asked the purpose to which I would put the funds. This is another confidence booster to the unsuspecting mark. Hearing something like that, you might actually think they were official. I mean, the government is always wanting to know what you are doing, right? Lastly, the genius touch: The amount of the payoff.

This is a tricky part. Cons and scams always rely upon the greed of the mark. They are offering something for nothing or something that is too good to be true. The old email scams had astronomical sums of money involved, and these days, most people are wise to that old story. So, this new twist, they offer a sum that is big enough to be tasty and tempting, but not so big that it is unrealistic. My guess is that it would work on a lot of people, especially with bailout programs and federal student loan forgiveness. It is a new shine on an old scheme.

If you get one of these calls, I would not expect that the number is actually the one to which you were connected. It is most likely spoofed, randomly mapped and projected to your caller ID. It is often a real number. My favorite is when they spoof my own bloody number. That is an absolute riot. I always want to answer those with “It’s done, but there is blood everywhere.” If it isn’t your own number, report it. There are sites where you can report scam number. Also, add your own numbers to the “Do Not Call” list. There is a government (real this time) site for it. I’ll list the sites below.

So, not all scams are at a distance. Believe it or not, there are still some old school charlatans working the old games. There are no new cons.

In my local area, there are a couple of groups doing the old pavement game. This is a pretty standard con, and usually focuses on homeowners of the older variety. A group of workmen approach a home and offer to pave the driveway. Usually, they offer this service for an extremely reasonable amount. They ask for a down payment, maybe $200 and set up to start the job. However, once they set out saw horses and maybe some safety equipment (goggles or hardhats), they notice it is close to lunch… or perhaps they say then need to go buy sealer. They depart, leaving the equipment to make it appear that they have every intention of returning. Voila! They disappear. They’re out maybe $15 worth of materials, and the homeowner is out $200. Occasionally, they actually do some work. Often, it is shoddy or much less than they offered (like oiling the drive, rather than paving it).

With some of the storms and weather we have experienced, another version of the above has cropped up. Again, this type tends to focus on older people in the community. And… as it happened, one of our law enforcement friends got to deal with this type today.

A mature lady answered her door to find a group of men there stating that her roof was damaged and that they were there to fix it. The lady being of more sound mind and will than they were expecting told them that they were not, but as she was outnumbered and a bit threatened, they went up the roof and started working. Our gal wasn’t to be bullied… So, she called 911. The officer responded to watch all of the men scoot up the ladder as fast as they could go.

Um… why would they do that? Wouldn’t they be trapped up there? Not the best exit strategy.

Correct, you are! However, that was not their intention. Apparently the “gentlemen” in question were in possession of what might be perceived, to the casual or not so casual observer, as illegal substances. Yep. They emptied their pockets on the roof. There were any number of interesting packets and items for “recreational” use, and there was about $40. The law enforcement officer asked the guys if all that stuff was theirs (we wouldn’t want them to lose any of their possessions, right?). Strangely enough, they all denied any connection to the items found on the roof. Mrs. Smith (pseudonym) should probably keep an eye on who is using her roof as party central. Anyhow, as no one claimed the substances or the or other items from the rooftop collection and since no damage had been done to the roof, no arrests were made. And Mrs. Smith got $40 out of it. It was on her roof after all.

It seems that every week (if not more frequently), I read or hear about some newly concocted method attempting to target unsuspecting people for money. Part of it is probably that we are in difficult times, and not everyone bears up under hardship to the credit of their character. However, another part of it is that the public, in general, is more vulnerable, precisely because we are in such difficult times. Everyone is struggling, financially, emotionally, and we’ve lost hope that good things will come. We are all vulnerable to the desire to have some of the burden lifted from our shoulders. Now, most, still retain enough cynicism and intellect to know that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is, but there is always that next wave of cons, scams, and schemes designed to overcome that natural cynicism and wariness. So, beware the predators out there. Be careful with your personal information, and say hello to “Kevin” for me.

Report The Call – http://www.reportthecall.com

Federal Trade Commission – http://consumer.ftc.gov

Do Not Call Registry – http://www.donotcall.gov

personal

The Stars Are Stacked Against You Girl, Get Back In Bed*

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There are certain things in this life that appear to be universal. For instance, it’s a bad idea to let someone you just met pick your tattoo after a night of tequila shots. Bartenders want all Journey songs removed from jukeboxes and karaoke lists. No one looks like a Mensa member with a flat-billed, oversized baseball cap turned to the side. Legos are deadly when stepped on in the dark. And if I have planned to get into the office earlier than usual, I am guaranteed to forget everything, including my wardrobe in various steps making me at least ten minutes later than my usual arrival.

I had one of those mornings. You know the kind. The kind or morning that indicated apparently my subconscious and the universe had a meeting and decided that they did not want me to leave my home. I forgot everything but my pants, and not all at once. It was piecemeal. Get to the car…and, I forgot that folder. Run upstairs and grab the folder only to remember that I left my briefcase on the couch. Remember the keys to the car were left in a pants pocket now in the laundry pile… And manage to get all the way to the stop sign at the end of your neighborhood to realize that I left my coffee in its go-cup on the counter.

Yes, of course I turned around to get it. Did you really want me driving in morning rush traffic in a caffeine deficit?

Speaking of traffic, apparently to have instant idiots on the roadways, just add water. No lie. It is astounding how many people think that they have some sort of magical shielding on their small, compact vehicle that will somehow, miraculously prevent them doing an impression of a trash compacted soda can while they whip it out (yes, I said it like that on purpose) in front of the semi barreling along at 55 miles per hour. This favored risk-taking behavior seems to occur with a much higher prevalence when rain has fallen increasing braking distance by a relative factor of how much friction is decreased by rain mixed with oil and other mechanical fluids coating the asphalt surface.

After the harrowing experience of morning traffic, I finally arrived at the office to find that the pushers of all things technical and software related had run an update on the network that my comp had to catch up with, and I was threatened with my life if I did so much as breathe hard while the warning was on the screen. I sat, hardly daring to glance away, should the technology gods perceive that I had not adhered to their admonitions and corrupted my entire workspace. Finally, a new window appeared indicating that my computer would reboot in 60, 59, 58… or I could Reboot Now. Gratefully, I clicked the reboot now… AND… Just kidding, WRONG ANSWER! The BSOD, the “blue screen of death” for those who are unfamiliar with the acronym. Heaving a ponderous sigh… I shut down the computer and sat momentarily staring at the darkened screen. I sent out a plea to the universe. As I pushed the power button and waited expectantly to see if the computer would behave, I told myself that should it fail to do so, I would take it as a sign that today was a bust and I should just go back to bed.

I’m not sure if it was a benevolent higher power looking after my work ethic and taking pity on me or some more maleficent entity that said, “Nay, you must endure the rest of your day, limping along in anxiety about your data and reports…” but the computer came back readily. So, no day off for me with the excuse of technology SNAFUs or Mercury in retrograde. However, on days like this, I really would love to be able to hit the reset button and get a Mulligan, but what the hell! I might get lucky today.

*Thanks to Mary Chapin Carpenter , “I Feel Lucky” 1992