All posts by tananda

Physical Fit: Um… Can Someone Please show me the Plateau Exit?

September 21, 2014 tananda Leave a comment

Well, it was bound to happen. I’m no stranger to the weight loss/fitness battle, and plateaus are just part of every journey towards better health. Since I experienced my inaugural physical fit, I have experienced pretty consistent progress… until just in the past couple of weeks. Whether it is the autumnal allergies that seem to be depriving me of oxygen (with the elephant that has taken up residence on my chest) or the apparent lack of coordination resulting in a couple of embarrassing injuries (twisted ankle from falling off my shoe and a strained boob… yes, strained boob! Go ahead and laugh), I found myself slowing down quite literally, with an inability to perform to the same levels as I had achieved, and I just plain hurt. And though weight loss was not the entire goal of my fitness journey, it was part of the original plan. That stopped as well; came to a screeching halt. So, it seems that I find myself on this butte, hoping that I can find my way out of the sluggish lack of progress.

As usual, with this type of situation, there is no lack of helpful and and sometimes less than helpful advice available. Aside from the widely conflicting explanations available on the internet itself, there are friends and family members with a plethora of contributions to the mix. I have heard them all at this point.

You are eating too much.

You aren’t eating enough.

You need to do more strength training.

You need to do more cardio.

Drink lemon water.

Fast for a day.

Are you stressed?

You name it, I’ve read it or heard it. There are so many offered options for “LOSING WEIGHT FAST!!!” and “Meal Plans for Fat Burning,” the mind boggles. Often these little gems involve a price tag. The truth is that I have been desperately seeking any and all information that might provide an alternative to my own sinking suspicion that I am fighting a losing battle against an aging metabolism (not to mention reaping the benefits of fighting rollercoaster weight issues my whole life). Well-meaning friends have tried to be supportive and helpful, offering their variety of experiences and winning solutions that have worked for them. I am grateful. Truly, I am. However, my recent influx of contradictory advisement has created a maelstrom of info-overload that threatens to breach the boundaries of my cranium. The bad part is that the frustration was starting to work its evil magic upon my mind and whisper the sweet nothings that say “See, it didn’t work. You should just give up. Here, have some chocolate.”

That is where the true negativity of plateaus get us. We are human. We like to be rewarded for our efforts and see that our hard work has achieved what we intended. When that doesn’t happen, it is very tempting to give up. The common sense philosophy would be, just power through it, and you should get right back on track. BUT… how long do you power through? What happens if nothing seems to jump start the process again?

My research and introspection have turned up the most likely culprits in my own situation:

1. Age – Whether I like it or not, I have reached an age where metabolism is not my friend.

2. Gender – Along with the age demographic, I’m female. Hearing me roar is all well and good, but as women, our bodies like to hold on to adipose tissue and our male counterparts on average have less resistance to offloading pounds.

3. Eating habits – Yes, I watch my caloric intake, but for increasing metabolism, I need to eat small meals more frequently. Therein is my problem. My work schedule sometimes results in forgetting to eat until it is time to go home in the evening. Not good. I’m starving my body and putting it into “starvation mode.” Not to mention that I am just starving and hangry and end up eating more than I should.

4. Stress – There has been a lot said about stress hormones, like cortisol. It is true, cortisol is increased when we are stressed. Cortisol is really helpful in stressful situations, allowing the body to break down glucose and activate it for use (fight or flight, you know). The problem is that when we maintain high levels of stress (and high levels of cortisol) over time, the hormone works against us and can break down muscle tissue and result in fat deposits (especially in the mid-section). We also end up craving a lot of simple carbohydrates and sugars. Bottom line? I’m stressed… for a number of different reasons, and it isn’t helping my little plateau issue.

5. Sleep – This goes with the stress issue. A recent discussion with a friend reminded me of some of the important functions of proper sleep. It isn’t just a matter of rest vs. fatigue. Sleep, or rather the deeper levels of said sleep, allow our brains and bodies to dump the excess cortisol and “reset” in order to start all over again for the next waking cycle. Lack of sufficient sleep or unhealthy sleep habits that disrupt the normal sleep cycle prevents the cortisol dump and we start out the next day at a higher cortisol level. Sleep is not my greatest skill either. I generally do not get enough of it (per recommended standards) and wake up several times per night.

So, those are my big five: The most likely reasons that I’m hitting the plateau, but I also wanted input from someone I consider very knowledgeable about fitness, because my plateau has not been solely about the scales. It has also been something I’m experiencing in my performance with cardiovascular training and strength training. My friend had some incredibly helpful ideas to contribute. First, he confirmed that not all beings are created equal, and that what works for some do not work for all… Thus, I need to pay attention to my own body. However, he did indicate that habit and getting into a regular pattern with our workouts is the enemy. He talked primarily about “muscle confusion” as the weapon to use on this enemy.

Our bodies are incredible machines. They adapt and learn. The human body is going for the most efficient use of the resources available. Engaging the same activities over and over provides just the opportunity for our body to adjust to save calories. So, we need to confuse the muscles. How do we do this? Change up the work out and don’t get into a rut of the same routine day after day. Using different types of activities helps, but focusing on different muscle systems on different days will keep the body guessing and prevent it from shutting down the metabolic systems for efficiency or developing a muscle memory that will limit the benefits of resistance/strength training.

So… thanks to helpful friends, review of high school biology, and a perusal of YouTube workout videos; I have my new strategy and game plan. I am going to check in with the fitness trainer at my gym to work on updating my initial plan. I am going to focus on muscle confusion by focusing on different muscle systems. I will be more consistent about my meditation practice and have at least 20 minutes per day, and I will attempt to get more consistent sleep (that may be the most difficult task). We’ll see how well it works and how faithfully I follow the plan. If any of you are feeling the plateau blues or experiencing lack of motivation for starting (or restarting) healthier habits, realize that we are not alone, and we can find the exit to get us off the plateau and back on track!

personal

Bless the “teachers” in Life

September 20, 2014 tananda Leave a comment

I have, for many years, labored under the delusion that the best teachers were those that got awards and children loved and talked about into their later years as remembering Mr. or Ms. So-and-so who inspired and believed and encouraged. I thought about those “Teacher of the Year” recipients as the ones who have imparted the greatest knowledge and wondered if I had been privileged enough to encounter more of them what my life would have been like. This was my delusion, as I stated previously, for so many years.

In my more recent times, I have come to realize that the teachers in our lives are not always pleasant, loveable, enjoyable, or painless. More often, sadly, it is the nature of human beings to learn as much from adverse stimulus as from pleasure (though, yes, I know that pleasure is more likely to create a stable pattern of behavior). The point being, I realized quite suddenly one day that some of the most unpleasant experiences of my life came with some remarkably powerful (if difficult) lessons.

What amazes me, consistently, is the way that people continue to replicate behaviors over and over expecting different results. Observing individuals run into the same brick wall over and over full tilt, even with people holding up signs, screaming, or trying to physically hold them back, has made me understand that gentle teachers cannot always make a difference until the subject is ready to learn. It is the definition of insanity, but they continue to do it. Over and over, they break themselves against an immovable obstacle… never noticing that they could walk around, or that there is a door in the middle.

But that wasn’t really where I was going with this. I wish that I was one of the people that seem to learn the lessons on the first try and enjoy the success. That doesn’t really seem to be how my brain works. Instead it seems that my brain only absorbs the lessons that life offers through the application of repeated beatings with sticks, figuratively.

What is worse is that I have had the opportunity to learn the lessons presented with less pain involved, but almost without exception, I find that the only way that the lessons truly take hold is with some dramatically unpleasant experience. I spent a lot of time resenting the “teachers” in my life, blaming them for my unhappiness and the memory of unpleasantness. I was angry, and I felt myself to be righteous in my anger towards those wielders of the educational stick (sometimes literally, for example the first grade teacher who broke the ping-pong paddle against my narrow back… yes, it happened. Corporal punishment was used in the stone age of my primary years). After a while (like maybe round about the end of my first abusive attempt at matrimony), I realized that the anger and resentment really wasn’t doing me any good and wasn’t making those who harmed me explode in large, impressive, Hollywood-style fireballs of glorious carnage (I guess I should have talked to Michael Bay about that?). Yes, you can tell I had some pent up rage going on. Point being? It was a waste of perfectly good emotional and cognitive energy. Sadly, even being able to let go of the negative emotions didn’t fix everything. It took one final stage before I truly got it.

For years, I had been told that I overestimate the emotional attachments of acquaintances. Not in a delusional, erotomanic way; more in the way of being open to new friendships and welcoming them into an almost familial acceptance. I think this goes back to my days of living in the military brat mentality. To survive, you either made friends intensely and fast, or you were antisocial and content to be alone. Obviously, these are the extremes, but I do believe that the experience of living overseas in a closed community and moving around about every three years changed how I viewed social acquaintances. It didn’t occur to me that my acceptance was one-sided. It was horribly naïve of me, I know. I’m a psychologist, after all. I have observed and counseled a variety of people over the years to remove themselves from damaging one-sided relationships where they were being used. Physician (or counselor), heal thyself!

One thing about the “teachers” is that if you are repeating the lesson, the learning aids get more and more obvious. Thanks to the many learning opportunities in my existence starting all the many years ago, I have finally learned a few things:

· Adults are fallible and sometimes cruel

· Human beings are indolent and typically will not go out of their way to inconvenience themselves only to benefit someone else

· Justice does not always mean a happy ending

· Being innocent does not always mean you escape punishment

· Being good doesn’t guarantee happiness or success or reward

· Loyalty is not always reciprocated

· Truth is not always believed

· People lie… a lot

· Pretty gets you more than smart (though smart lasts longer)

· The hardest worker will be rewarded with more work (if you have a task that needs to be done, look for a busy person)

· The good times are not when you find out who your friends are… It is when you are in need and at your darkest that you can see to weed out the users, fakers, and cheats. And more importantly? The truly hearty specimens of friendship are able to shine through the withering and choking vines.

· Being right sometimes sucks

· Generosity does not breed reciprocation, it merely renders the generous depleted (thanks, Shakespeare)

· Refusing help when you need it doesn’t make you strong

· People do not like change, especially when it means they can no longer predict outcomes or rely on someone to act the way they always have

· “Acting as if” works pretty darn well… (thanks, Aristotle)

Oh… and alcohol does not make people sing or dance better. That one is not as much a lesson I’ve been taught as an observation that I feel compelled to share whenever I have the opportunity.

This year has been especially enlightening due to several instances of having the curtain pulled back to reveal some rather devastating facts and severe disappointment in my own blindness: My horribly misplaced faith. This is all pretty dark, depressing, and cynical stuff. It isn’t all bad, though. I have been amazed and humbled by some of the truly beautiful, supportive, and decent people who were overshadowed by the more grandiose deceptions of others. Understated loyalty is a much stronger statement to me, now, than other more flamboyant displays, and resentment does absolutely nothing to assuage the pain of betrayal. These are just the lessons that I have been “taught.” I didn’t always want to learn these lessons. However, I will bless my “teachers” in hopes that if I have learned my lessons I will not have to repeat the grade.

personal

Hyperbolic Crap and Other First World Problems

September 13, 2014 tananda Leave a comment

Have you ever noticed that lately everything seems to be way over the top? It is like someone took the expressed passion volume and turned it to eleven, but not necessarily in a good way. It makes me wonder if people really are this emotional about everything around them or if this is a reaction to something more problematic along the lines of a disconnection to genuine humanity and true affective response to each other.

It isn’t really that I think people should be unemotional or contained at all times. Obviously, having passions is what makes us human and involved with our world. But, seriously, let’s take a look at what people seem to get their knickers in a wad about… most of the time it isn’t even impacting them on any intimate, personal level.

Does that mean that I think people shouldn’t be concerned about the oppression prevalent in distant lands, or the outlandish contrivances of various governments to demolish our basic human rights, or even abuses in the systems we use that put those basic rights in danger from each other? No. I do not mean that at all. I just think that so much of what people get completely bent about are distractions from what may actually be very wrong right before their very eyes. It is a bit of that “not seeing the forest for the trees” stuff. I cannot decide if it is that people do not have enough to worry about in their own lives, or what is more likely, that to avoid taking a good, hard look at what is going on in their own lives, they choose to get in a towering fury about issues that in the grand scheme of things do not have a lasting impact on anyone (like whatever Paris Hilton is doing or how long the Kardashian’s are staying married).

It’s escapism, pure and not so simple, because, what are people escaping? Why are people so adamantly extravagant in their hyperbole about every blessed thing? It seems to be impossible for anyone to have an opinion unless it is extreme, and sadly, it is not possible for anyone to have a differing opinion without causing a schism the likes of which would cause apocalyptic rumblings at the Vatican. I’ve been pondering this for a while. I’m not claiming to have the complete compendium of knowledge or all the answers, but I have come up with a few theoretical constructs and categories, all of which could be erroneous but I’m going to run with them anyway.

Escape Artists

I called it escapism because so much of what people are diving into with all appendages has so little to do with their own physical realities. I can only suspect that their own physical realities are miserable or distasteful to them, and losing themselves in the lives of the rich and famous or fantasy of fiction provides a ready distraction from overwhelming responsibilities and otherwise unpleasant aspects of their own lives. There are also those folks who live in the glass houses, but love to throw stones. They find a good deal of vicarious pleasure in giving counsel to all around them while completely avoiding their own foibles and flaws. These types may legitimately have excellent objective observation skills, but their abilities to critique or provide solution for friends and acquaintances have left them myopic to their own concerns. Bless their hearts! I can understand, truly I can. How many times have I gotten sucked into the wiki-rabbit hole and social media quagmire, neglecting the responsibilities of financial stewardship or household cleanliness in order to argue a point on Facebook or play Farmville, Zombies, or whatever the brain-drainer of the day is? I cannot cast so much as a pebble at this one. Procrastination is my long-time companion, and distraction, the balm for my wounded ego.

Attention-seekers or Social Crusade Warriors

There is nothing wrong with getting a little attention now and then. Everyone deserves a bit of positive attention on occasion. However, some crave it, demand it, and can’t seem to live without it. This isn’t really all that healthy, people. So, perhaps, some of the hyperbole expressed publically (or in social media) isn’t so much about the issues but about getting the attention associated with those issues. It is related to the flawed logic of “If I do not say this loudly with some extreme adverbs or adjectives to define the strength of my passion, no one will notice,” but the notice isn’t so much about the issue but about wanting people to notice them. Yes, there are people who stand on soap boxes merely because they believe the angle makes their butts look better (so to speak… it’s a metaphor, for heaven’s sake!). My rebuttal, why do you need attention for your opinion? Does the issue require this much exposure? If the cause is sufficient, without the grandstanding proclamations to the world by the individual, will the issue languish and subside into the dark and lead to the downfall of society as we know it? There are issues that deserve to be brought into the light, but my question to the hyperbole addict is what are you hoping to accomplish with your expansive, extremes? Are you shedding light on the issue, or are you hoping to have the spotlight directed upon you?

White Knights, Defenders of the Internet and Social Media Realm

This is almost a subcategory of the previous group, but I felt it deserved its own, separate mention. Now, while the nomenclature may be indicative of the masculine, the white knights out there are just as likely to be female as male. These folks can exist on a spectrum of behavior that extends from the supportive to the downright creepy. The defenders of the realm may actually feel strongly about an issue, but what typically happens is that they get a huge boost to their passions about the issue if someone to whom they are attracted expresses their own passionate opinion of same. Sometimes, this can go to the extremes of even flipping the knight’s previous views, but generally, it is more a magnification property than a role reversal. For example, you may have an individual who likes animals well enough. Pets are fine. However, they are not protesting red carpet events about people wearing leather or fur… until… Enter fair damsel in hand-wringing distress. Our maiden in peril is absolutely rabid over the plight of euthanized animals at the animal shelters and the cruelty of carnivorous fare at eating establishments. While our knight has never given much thought to this (and generally enjoys a tasty steak), the charisma of her plea has lit a bonfire within his soul (or her soul… I do not want to be biased). Suddenly, the knight is playing Sarah McLachlan and sharing videos all over the internet of puppies with sad eyes and expounding upon the virtues of tofurkey (“Tastes just like chicken!”), all accompanied by a rousing verbal diatribe upon the special place in hell for unfeeling and complacent people who do not donate to the ASPCA until their wallets scream. That is obviously a little dip in to the hyperbolic on my part, but you get the idea. The knight in question had virtually no opinion or at most a moderate opinion of the issues until expressing otherwise might garner the attention of their lady (or gentleman) fair.

Trolls

Everyone thinks they know what a troll is. They wait under bridges for unsuspecting billy goats to traipse across, providing dinner for the evening. Well… more or less. They cannot seem to resist poking the hyperbole gorilla with a stick. They frequently attempt to be a check in the system of internet opinion balance. In truth, they probably do not even have that strong an opinion about the issue in question, but they know that the individual proclaiming their passion is overinflated with their social indignation and cannot resist pricking them with the needle of opposing thought. Sadly, trolls often get trapped by their own trollery (yes, I just made that up) and soon find themselves unable to have even their most sincerest sentiments believed in the courts of public opinion. Such is the plight of the terminally cynical and perpetually snide. Even statements of true support become tarnished with the suspicion of sarcasm where none was intentionally placed. Oh well, they chose their path, and truly, they do not seem to mind when people remove them from friends lists. All in all, they are relatively harmless unless the over-inflation in question happens to be in the ego.

So, why do we get sucked into the perpetual drama of the terminal hyperbole? Is it that we haven’t enough real world problems of our own on which to expend our energy? Are we all so overwhelmed by our first world problems that bathing in the iniquity of perceived and manufactured wrongs are our only escape and solace? Has society as a whole been so polarized that no one is allowed to have a moderate opinion? Does it always have to result in “us” vs “them” or “If you are not passionately with me, you are against me and must be destroyed”? I can attest that John Gabriel’s “Internet F#$%wad Theory” (aka Internet Anonymity Theory, 2004) is a reality, and the internet has become a hotbed of mob mentality where people use the shield of anonymity in their mutual hostility about issues that overall… probably don’t matter nearly as much as the relationships that they just torched to prove their points. Unfortunately, we don’t have the face to face opportunity like Scout (To Kill a Mockingbird) to call people out individually and remind them of their humanity to pull them out of the mob and shine the light of respect.

I don’t really expect answers to my rhetorical questions. I’ve pondered this for a good long while now with greater and greater despair, and I expect there is not an answer or solution to this until people can start embracing some moderation in their opinions and have tolerance and understanding that friendship and affection is not necessarily based upon holding the same exact thoughts upon all situations. And no, I will not say “we can agree to disagree” because that is just asinine. I will just say that a little respect for opposing perspectives can go a long way towards peace between friends and less heartburning all around… maybe fewer first world problems.

With great appreciation of Harper Lee for her brilliant understanding of human psyche and the dangers of social pressure.

Gabriel, J. (2004). http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19

Vaping

Attack Of The Vapers: Hey You! Get Out* of My Cloud!

September 5, 2014 tananda Leave a comment

It’s been a while, good readers, since I posted the last AOTV. Now that you are all up on your jargon and lingo in the world of vaping, and since the world at large has had other topics about which to foam at the mouth, and since vaping has taken serious hold with more people blowing clouds that ever… it is time to talk a little about a little something I like to call etiquette.

Manners, people! That is right. We have all been taught them at some point, whether we actually absorbed the lessons, actively attempt to use them, or let them flow over us and pass on to continue in our unseemly gaucheness. So, what in the world have manners and etiquette to do with vaping? Well, I will happily tell you.

As vaping has become more prevalent in the populace and gained popularity with smokers and former smokers alike, the various apparatuses and paraphernalia of vaping can be seen far and wide. For example, this past holiday weekend, I visited Atlanta for the annual gathering of science fiction and fantasy aficionados, Dragon Con (http://www.dragoncon.org). It is always quite an interesting time to be had. People are so creative in their cosplay… but I mustn’t get distracted. I might talk about that another time. For the last couple of years, we have seen people with electronic cigarettes. In fact, last year, we saw a pipe rig that went with a Gandalf type costume. Very clever, and for the non-smoking indoor situations, it was just right. However, this year, it was a whole new ballgame (or quidditch match, or Parrises squares…). The vapers were everywhere. They even had a meeting on Thursday prior to the start of *Con. Everywhere we went, the vapers would find each other and compare rigs or discuss tanks or talk coils and dripping juices. It had become a new phenomenon of the *Con experience. Those that vape together, flock together… or something like that. It was actually quite pleasant to find oneself walking out of hotel lobbies and through crowds outside without reeking of smoke, but merely experiencing a bit of various vapor (and vaper) odors and added humidity. Not so bad, really.

Don’t get me wrong. There were still considerable amounts of traditional combustible tobacco in use (as well as other products, I’m sure, but I honestly tried to maintain plausible deniability on that score). All in all, though, the *Con seemed a good deal less smoky that last year. Perhaps, it was just my greater sensitivity to it. Point being, vapers were in greater number… as were their clouds. Great, rolling, fragrant clouds, marvelous to behold…

Not always so marvelous to walk through; which brings me to what started this whole particular train of thought. I am pro-vape. I’ve made no secret about it. Financially and health wise, I’ve done the research, and I still feel that it is the way to go for those that do not fancy pharmaceuticals or enjoy the ritual of smoking and have no active desire to quit but are not so fond of the hit in the wallet or the chronic cough. There are still the hysterics out there who are screaming that it is worse for you be vaping than smoking… Um, no. Read a medical journal, or have one read to you and translated, but that hyperbole it most definitely is NOT. There is currently no medical research that indicates that vaping is worse than smoking. Is it better than quitting all together? Probably not. In fact, I will say definitely not, if we talk in absolutes. Paying for the equipment and supplies of vaping is more expensive than not using anything (but still less than paying for cigarettes or patches and drugs). And, yes, it would be healthier all around to quit cold turkey. But conversely, in that case, no one should drink alcohol or eat bacon (Now, I’m gonna get hate mail, and yes I know “all things in moderation”). Truth is people enjoy their vices. People should be free to do so, within legal limits and without causing harm to others. And… I got off on a tangent again. Then again, not really… that is a pretty good segue back to my original point.

The fragrant clouds produced by vaping have been measured at considerably less carcinogen levels, less nicotinic particle levels (especially for people using zero nic juice), and less combustible toxicants than traditional combustible tobacco for both the vaper and the second-hand exposure. That doesn’t mean that it is ok to blow vapor straight into the face of the innocent bystander. There are still people who are very sensitive to the small amounts of residuals in the vapor, not to mention the liquid in which it the nicotine and flavors are suspended. It is not polite to indiscriminately puff away until the vapor is so thick you cannot see the person to whom you are speaking and said person can no longer breathe easily. Would you do that with a cigarette? No, or at least I hope not. That would be extremely rude, not to mention the disregard for your companion’s potential respiratory response (especially those sensitive to smells or allergic to smoke). The same can be said about vaping. While it may not be as noxious as smoke, non-vapers and non-smokers have the right to not be exposed unwillingly to something they have not chosen to do. In fact, many non-smokers choose activities and locations that are non-smoking to avoid breathing in air that may trigger anything from distaste to asthmatic arrest.

So, what am I getting at? If the vaping community does not want to be branded as a bunch of rude, entitled jerks who put public health at risk with their inconsiderate disregard for their fellow patrons and residents on the planet we call Earth, try to be a little more aware of the non-vapers around you. It is unnecessary to blow a huge cloud of vapor into the face of the person next to or in front of you (or heck, even behind you if you are walking). In crowded or unventilated areas, perhaps cloud chasing is not the best activity. You can show off your latest build and your dragon impressions when not in close quarters with non-vapers. Try an apology if you accidentally blow a cloud into someone’s face. Even in vape-friendly establishments (not including vapor bars or lounges specifically catering to vapers), be reasonable. Cloud chasing on a quad-coil until the room is blue and the servers are tripping over the spill mats behind the bar? Bad idea, and very poor etiquette likely to result in having vaping banned from the establishment in question. No one is trying to cramp your style, steal thunder, or rain on your parade if you are a vaper, but it is just good manners to be considerate of the non-vapers around you. A bit of polite consideration of others might prevent other organizations, institutions, and businesses from putting the kibosh on our choices to vape.

Thank you for your attention, and happy vaping y’all.

*My apologies to the Rolling Stones for the artistic license.

The New Cheese

We Get Older but We Don’t Grow Up: Classroom or Boardroom, the song remains the same

August 27, 2014 tananda Leave a comment

One of the things that seems to hold true for any era is that kids cannot wait to grow up. “When I’m an adult, I’ll…” insert various pipedream-type predictions that afflict the adolescent and teenage brain. We all did it. We just knew that once we were beyond the confines of the authority figures in our lives that everything would be so much simpler to do and understand.

What a fabulous joke! Am I right? Once the promised land of adulthood was reached, we found that now there is a whole new roster of authority figures laying down laws, restrictions, rules, and consequences. Now, the refrain is more likely “when I am the boss…” or possibly “when I am in charge…” Oh my dears. That is the best joke of all. No matter where the buck stops, someone always has the whip hand over us. It isn’t a bad thing, really. It is more a system of checks and balances. Even the tippity-top of the echelons of business, higher learning, government, or any other field for that matter has to answer to someone. If it isn’t the next guy (or gal, can’t let the boys have all the fun) higher on the ladder, it is the customer. No matter where you go, that cycle of accountability continues.

The other patterns that continue? The same ones we saw in the days gone by through adolescent angst and teen drama in the halls of junior high and high school. Yes, my friends, I am talking about the cliques, labels, and melodrama that soaks the very walls of Ridgemont, Rydell, or West Beverly. You have your mean girls, jocks, geeks, freaks, weirdos (sometimes the last three roll into the same clique), brainies, bullies, richies, slags, sluts, stoners, punks, and untouchables. Doesn’t matter where you went or what your nomenclature, you know who I’m talking about. And for the most part, we were all so very grateful to leave that world behind with the savagery and struggle to find our own place. In truth, even the popular kids were mostly glad to get away and, for those who pursued higher learning, get a new identity away from the mold they had been congealed in during their formative years.

Oh, but the tragedy! When we reached the pinnacle of our maturation and enter the workforce, what do we find? Ah yes, there they are: The mean girls, the bullies, the partiers, the invisibles, and the brainies… and yes, the freaks, geeks, and weirdos (but that is mostly in the IT department…what?!? I’m kidding, sorta). They are all there. They travel the halls and cubical pathways. All that is missing is the lockers. Granted, the behaviors have changed a little. Rarely do you see an office bully shove someone in a locker. Though, I suppose it could happen. Mostly the behaviors have taken on a thin veneer of professionalism and maturity to gloss over those savage instincts that cannot quite be put to rest. But there is a twist to this tale…

While some of our high school beauty queens and class presidents maintain their identities and personae throughout their lives (and not all of the stereotypes are such bad sorts), one of the most interesting developments in human social structure appears to be a reversal of roles upon entering the “adult” work place. The statement has been attributed to Bill Gates, but I cannot really verify through trustworthy sources that he said it. “Be nice to the geeks, because you will probably be working for one.” This is given as a warning upon graduation that the tables can turn for the bullies and they may find themselves having to kiss up to the person whose head they shoved in the toilet… or better yet, they may have to ask, nay beg for a job.

But we are adults! I can hear you, you know. And I agree, wholeheartedly. We are… chronologically. Grudges run deep, and grudges run long. Charity and forgiveness are virtues, but not always easy to embrace after memorizing every scratch, dint, and piece of gum stuck to the inside of the locker while waiting for someone to let you out.

So, we find ourselves in the corporate workspace, in a corporate culture. Look around. If you have been working in the environment and with a particular group for a while, you can probably identify all of the stereotypes easily enough. The bullies may have been the geeks when they were younger, but if they have chosen to identify with the aggressor, they can come up with torturous misery that their high school counterparts could not even begin to consider. They won’t give you a swirly or a wedgie, but by heaven, they will make your life a living hell in the office with sabotage, humiliation, and drudgery. The mean girls may have been the wallflowers in school, but they have mastered the act of shunning in the cubical farm. Designing silences to make any statement or contribution to conversation echo resoundingly as a social brick is an art, and forgetting to invite someone to lunch with the group… just a mere oversight, right? Gossip and whispered conversations that end when someone else walks by or the old divide and conquer with the “Do you know what I heard so-and-so say about you?” is the mean girl power play. If you are lucky, you may have been a neutral. Switzerland was always a safe place to be in high school, and it serves pretty well in corporate land as well, but there is still a threat of being pulled into the tempest of drama as a ship sailing round Charybdis.

It is truly hard to resist the pull of that clique and role-based melodrama. Even the most professional person can oft find themselves tempted to participate in the office gossip or to side with the powerful cliques to ensure their own safety. Sometimes, it is easier to slide into familiarity of a role, even when it is not good for you, or worse, actually bad for you. Good managers and management teams can influence a culture of professionalism that will stifle the tendrils of the clique-mongers and put the kibosh on any attempts to stir up the negativity. However, managers are human, and not all of them are immune to the pull. Traits that should and can guard against the pitfalls of repeating history: Ethical behavior, true maturity, and professionalism. Not everyone has these. Shocker! No, seriously, sometimes these aspects of adulthood are not so common as they might be… as they ought to be. I wish adulthood and education could impart some sense of maturity into each person who is granted passage into the world of occupation and gainful employment (because all the drama wastes a lot of time and productivity), but that’s not how it works. As far as I can tell, each individual has to get to know or develop their own core of integrity that defines their identity and provides a foundation for self-esteem based on genuine accomplishment. Accomplishment doesn’t have to be publically recognized, or even acknowledged in any way. It should be something that you sense within yourself. When you have that, it is a lot easier to resist the machinations of those stuck in the perpetual high school hallway, reliving their glory days (or more likely revenging their not-so-glorious days).

One good thing about the corporate and professional environment is that most adults (even the ones caught up in the drama) frown on overtly aggressive behavior. So, it is very unlikely that anyone will shove you in a file cabinet or flush your head in the toilet if you resist temptation and go against the corporate cliques. Eventually, even the passive aggressive post-it notes and emails will not be sufficient to vent the vindictive spleen, but they dare not be more blatant. Human resources and upper management take a dim view of behaviors that create toxic work environments, intentional or not. Once you step outside the bubble of the conjured adolescence where the mean girl or bully has tried to make you revisit, you will find that they really do not have all that much power to impact your life. Do what is right, embrace truth, and practice professionalism, and the denizens of the workplace clique-regime will not have power. High school was an ok time for the majority of people, but no one should want to stay there in perpetuity. We all need to grow up and graduate eventually. Welcome to adulthood!

personal

Does My Two-Way Street have PotHoles and a Roadblock?

August 16, 2014 tananda 2 Comments

The adage is that love is a two-way street. Along the same lines are other fairy tales like relationships are 50-50 and “give and take.” It isn’t that I want to dispel all the warm fuzziness of the dreams woven in childhood bedtime stories or the glamour if Hollywood… Ok, I wouldn’t complain if a few of those hoary chestnuts were tossed onto the sacrificial pyre.

And… I am well aware that this intro just reeks of bitterness and forlorn dreams. Not so melodramatic, I assure you. I just have spent a good many hours and brain cells in the contemplation of what ratio of energy contribution defines a healthy (and happy) relationship. Not only the romantic variety, though. Friendships, partnerships, work “marriages,” roommates, and other categories also share some of the same traits, though perhaps not the fringe benefits of the love match.

The truth is that Disney, Hollywood, and a good many of the romantic writers of literary renown have done a great disservice to us all. They painted a picture of true love and love at first sight and love that conquers all challenges and… Yeah, I’m going into insulin shock with a touch of nausea. There are no relationships and no LOVE that can thrive without effort. Finding the “love of your life” is not the finish line. It’s the starting line. Oh, I know. We have all been exposed to the tales of great love and romance. The problem with those tales? They end when guy gets girl… Or vice versa. True story. We are drawn in by the drama and adventure while our protagonists struggle against monsters, societal norms, and odds. We cheer and feel the gladness I our hearts that true heart won fair lady… Or contrary wise that a prince can see beauty past the acceptable constructs of the day. So endeth the tale… Um, really? We never actually see what happens when Prince Charming and Princess Whatnot settle into connubial bliss. When life with its brilliantly mundane aspects comes to rest upon the weary adventurers, how does life and love without constant struggle, adrenaline, and pheromones work out for our protagonists? When Charming forgets to put his socks in the hamper, or he leaves the toilet seat up; and Whatnot is tired and cranky or possibly OTR (on the rag), what becomes of our young lovers in their quest for happiness?

There are too many people out there who have some very inaccurate beliefs about what relationships are about. It leads to some really unhealthy thinking and behaving, like adhering to the romance of hardship making bonds stronger and isolation from the rest of the world to be ensconced in the cocoon of love with your one and only… *hack* Sorry, hairball. A large percentage of divorces (and murders, I understand) are incited by financial issues. Working together through the tough times might develop a sense of partnership, but the stress of trying to make ends meet and meeting financial responsibilities has destroyed many a blissful love match.

As for the “all we need is love and each other” thing… no. How about no? Aw, hell no. Human beings are social creatures. The idea of being on a desert isle with only one person for companionship sounds like heaven to those who have been brainwashed by the mass media and romance novels, but that’s not how it works people. As social creatures, we need the interaction and experiences gained from our environments and peers to spark our creativity and original thinking. A relationship where there is no interaction outside the dyadic bubble gets old in a big hurry.

No relationship is equal all of the time; not a partnership, friendship, or marriage. People are different. Circumstances change. The needs of any individual shift with changing circumstances. So, while one partner may do the heavy lifting sometimes, the rest of the time, the other partner may need to step in and carry more of the load. The metaphor sounds very physical, but the truth is emotional heavy lifting can be a larger part of the job, and that job can get passed around like a hot potato… or one partner may end up carrying around that load for a longer time. Carrying the weight of responsibility or emotions requires energy. Doing it for too long, like literal physical weight bearing, can be exhausting. When all the energy is used up to carry the load, there isn’t anything left for the fun stuff. At some point, the person that has been bearing all the weight may have nothing left at all.

All these metaphors are really spinning into a negative scenario that isn’t really my intent. During our lives we will have opportunity to be both givers and takers. Healthy relationships are based on a balance of those behaviors. When things get out of balance, when the takers become perpetual users, and the givers become martyrs; the relationship suffers and can ultimately die. Every partner in any relationship can and should examine their role to see whether they are the imbalance that is sucking the life and energy out of their relationship. Take the opportunity to make a change and revitalize those relationships by bringing things back into balance. Repair some of those potholes and get traffic flowing both ways again.

Body Image, Health

Physical Fit: Battling the Summer Vacation Doldrums

July 28, 2014 tananda 1 Comment

Summertime when I was younger was a time when I could get up early and enjoy long days of sunshine, swimming, climbing, running, playing, and generally expending an enormous amount of caloric energy while the adults around me chased me around trying to get me to sit still long enough to replenish said calories with something resembling nutrition. Yes, I was one of those kids that felt that eating was primarily just a waste of my time that could be better spent on other adventures or completing my chores in order to have more time to spend on other adventures.

I miss those days. Now, summertime is a time when I can sleep late (if I am on vacation… not that it ever happens, but it technically could happen), enjoy a leisurely cup of coffee while I sit on my rather sizable back side and check the internet and social media to see what outside looks like from friends posting pictures, and eating goodies and treats not always available to my wallet or local eateries.

What the heck happened? When did I stop enjoying physical activity? When did lethargy and inactivity enter my unwilling spirit? Well, as you know, I have been making the effort to change my outlook, health, and general wellbeing through the deliberate expenditure of energy in what might be considered in a generous heart as physical exercise. Those of you who have been following my progress since my maniacal fit of madness will know that I am probably the most surprised by my perseverance. I am completely astounded that I have not argued away my own ardor for the gym and instruments of torture.

Does that mean that I have become a paragon of physical virtue and health? Um, I think the technical answer to that might be… Hell, no! There are absolutely days when I look at my workout bag and think to myself, “Oh my goddess, I do not want to do this today.” However, that particular epithet has presented itself less frequently than I might have expected. More than that, I am currently finding myself on vacation. This was possibly the greatest challenge to my new healthier habits. My general habit on vacation is to wake up naturally (meaning without an alarm) and lounge around drinking my favorite caffeinated beverage until I feel compelled to consume some food. Eventually I will wander down to the ocean to sit and read all day until the afternoon thunderstorm and/or sundown drives me back into shelter for refreshing beverages and more food. You see a theme here, right? The point being that I stood a significant chance of losing any possible advances I had made on healthy habits.

Recently, I had achieved a goal I never expected. I broke the 10 minute mile that I could barely even finish when I started. I not only broke it, I shattered it into pieces and went so far as to run my mile in 8 minutes and 43 seconds. What?!? Me? The woman who always said, “If you see me running, try to keep up because whatever is chasing us is bound to be bad”? Yep, that woman. I recklessly set a goal for myself for vacation. I wanted to run a mile on the beach.

I know this does not seem like much of a goal, but to someone who resembles some sort of vegetation during vacation, this is a pretty steep hill to climb. I packed a pair of running shoes and clothes that would be appropriate for a morning run. I still was not entirely certain that my inner slug would not surface with the usual excuses and rationalizations to remain on my generous posterior instead of getting up and moving about.

It didn’t happen. I actually ran a mile on the beach. Granted, I did not set in land speed records (running on sand is very different). My body protested and whined the whole time, but I did it. I ran on the beach. I ran a mile on the beach. I did it for two days in a row. Like I said, I am as surprised as you are. So, what was the difference? What changed my habit?

I blame it on the fit of madness. I blame it on a stubbornness that did not want to lose ground from what I had accomplished. I blame it on something that feels like… dare I say it? Pride. I actually am proud of myself for not giving up. Not that I have been transformed bodily into a picture of middle age sexiness… That definitely has not happened, but I do feel healthier and stronger. That is what is important (so, I’ve been told).

For those of you who may also be struggling with new healthy habits, I will make a few suggestions:

Keep a log of your journey – This can be something on paper or typing a journal (include pictures when possible to remind yourself of the before, the after, and the journey), but there are also a number of applications available out there that help (I like LoseIt and Runtastic, but there are a lot of others out there, too).

Reward yourself – It is ok to have a treat now and again. All things in moderation, but it is actually ok to reward yourself with things that you enjoy. In fact, restricting yourself from things that you love is one thing that can derail a plan faster than anything. Your new healthy living should be enjoyable, not a punishment. So, you really need to keep some of the things in your life that you enjoy (while adding new things you enjoy).

Share your progress with your support network – What? Support network? Yeah, those people who like and love you, who want you to be healthy and happy, who make you laugh and keep your spirits up, and who cheer you on. Tell them about your successes. Heck, tell them when you trip and stumble. The point is that they will help you celebrate the wins, they will hold you accountable, and they will remind you that you can try again tomorrow when you fall. Everyone needs a cheering squad.

Anyhow, this entry is a bit different than my usual tone for these pieces, but I know I’m not the only person who struggles to stay positive and making good choices all the time. If anyone else reads this, consider me part of your support network. I’ll tell you that I have definitely been there, and no one can be gung ho all the time. Every day I overcome the doldrums is a win. Now, to reward myself with a tasty beverage and the beach.

The New Cheese

Professional Leave-Taking: Crossing that bridge without burning it

July 11, 2014 tananda Leave a comment

So… Tangent and I were doing what we do… and one day, we were talking about the whole subject of departures. We’ve talked about getting jobs, about keeping jobs, about professional behavior while on the jobs. The thing is that even the end of a job has its own nuances of professionalism that should be attended to and observed. So, we decided to interview each other and get two well-informed and professional perspectives on how one leaves… a job.

What is appropriate notice?

Tananda: It totally depends on your position within the company, your level of education, and specificity of your duties. Notice is so that there is time to find a replacement, and get them up to speed on what it is that you do for the company. For example: If you are talking about an Executive Director position, it may require (depending on the size of the company) finding just the right person; and it might even require travel time. You’ve got to calculate that into the notice that is given. Rule of thumb for most professional jobs is two weeks. That is generally the bare minimum of a professional notice.

Tangent: When I gave my notice at my last employer, I really had no choice in the matter because my new job needed me when they needed me. If I was going to get the job, I had two weeks to take it. At the time, my employer was not even sure they were going to backfill my position after I left… So, that really dictated what I needed to do with my time. However, I have had other positions where I had to give 30 days, and even so, I had to come back and train the new person. I depends more on what you do within the company. Regardless of your notice given, if you are a professional, you are going to make sure that everything is covered and that “your people” are taken care of before you leave.

Tananda: Now back to the actual time frames, your rule of thumb. For example, the higher education you are might lengthen the amount of notice that you need to give. If you’re talking about someone with a professional license, (Masters, Doctoral) 30 days is minimum because you have to take the time to find the person with the minimum degree and credentials, but you don’t want to take the first one that shows up. Not necessarily, anyway.

For other types of positions, like academic professors, or even teachers at other levels, a semester or maybe an even academic year, is an appropriate notice. Just to let them be prepared to find the right person.

It’s what you do. It’s all about what your role is and who you are responsible for. More than the duties that you enact in your job, but who you take care of and the number of people you take care of.

Is there ever a time where it’s acceptable to just walk out?

Tananda: There are jobs, where, because of the sensitivity of the material (security issues, what have you) they’re going to simply escort you out when you’ve given notice, or on your last day. It really is one of those situations that, as bad as it sounds, the less professional and skilled position (think specificity of skills again) a lengthy notice is not needed because there are – truth be told – people literally lined up for that job. And not that people are completely replaceable or not unique, but for some jobs a warm body is all that is really needed. In a professional setting, it’s truly never okay unless you’re on the verge of Going Postal. Good example: Where you feel that there are unethical practices it would be acceptable to walk away and say, “I’m not going to get into this.”

Tangent: I have a story about that…

When I first moved to my current locale, I was working as a receptionist in one company. Due to the financial obligations upon us, I elected to take on a second job in a retail location. The manager hired and trained me, but the manager would not allow me to ever ring up a sale (in other words I never got credit for them). During the holiday rush, the manager brought on her boyfriend for extra help. A customer had a question, and I had to go find the manager and went to the back of the store where … (pause for effect) I saw boyfriend and manager doing an illicit substance in the back of the store during business hours. Now, I know that I did not handle this in precisely the best way; I freaked out and walked out never to return.

Tananda: You know what? The bottom line is: Using any substance, doesn’t matter if it’s sipping eggnog in the back room or taking a prescribed medication, if said substance inhibits judgment, it’s unacceptable and unethical behavior during business hours. Catch something like this going on in the back room and you have good reason to be leery. In your situation, Tangent, you caught them with an illegal substance, and, on top of that, there were probably some questionable business practices beforehand. I would say yes, that was an appropriate reason to just walk out.

How do you give notice?

Tananda: To say it’s all about the relationship with your direct supervisor is sort of a cop-out. I truly believe that official notice should always be given in writing, whether that is on actual dead-tree pulp or the electronic version thereof. I believe it is just professional to have a written version.

Do you want to give a heads-up to your boss who has been good to you? YES! If you’ve got a boss you’ve got a really good relationship with then you talk to them like a friend and tell them about your new opportunity or change of circumstance. “My husband is the new Dread Pirate Roberts and we’re taking off on the next available ship.” The bottom line being that I’ve done it both ways. I have literally walked into to tell the person I reported to that I had been offered a substantial raise with a change of location which was opening up opportunities for my husband (who is apparently now a Pirate) as well. Regardless of the reasons in telling this – my direct supervisor was very supportive, very proud, and I could tell by the look on his face that he was very disappointed that I was leaving. I burst into tears and it was next to impossible to keep a straight face.

Conversely, the next supervisor posed a lot of ethical concerns for me and that was a very different situation altogether. It involved me walking in, handing him an envelope with my letter of resignation in it, and walking right back out. The implied “bird” was flipped in his general direction. Not my most shining moment, professionally speaking.

When do you tell people? Co-workers? Friends?

Tangent: For me, and since the situation was very specific… I had literally 2 weeks to get everything done, let people know, get things together, tie up the loose ends, and make sure everyone was taken care of. Once the notice was given, people needed to know! They don’t necessarily need to know why, but they deserve to know the pending vacancy that you are leaving in the organization and in their lives.

Tananda: I agree. Keeping in mind that some companies and organizations have specific rituals and may have their own ideas about how they want to make that announcement. Again, it’s all about the role you play in the company. Depending on what your role is, that company may need to bolster morale, do damage control, assure people that the proverbial rats are not fleeing the proverbial sinking ship. They may want to have a “spin” on why you are leaving and they may want to dictate what that spin is. However, most places are not that uptight.

Cake or No-Cake People

Tananda: So, just a brief statement about what a dear friend and colleague refers to as the “cake” and “no-cake” people. Briefly stated, there are people who get the big send-off, and those who leave quietly… we won’t mention the ones who are escorted from the building, but you get the idea. It isn’t necessarily a reflection upon their character as human beings, but it may be a statement about the impact they made on their workplace.

That being said, there are circumstances that completely preclude the option for “cake,” but generally, the co-workers and others make sure that those people that would have had “cake” still get it even if there is no time for the big send-off inside the office.

What about current employer contact on references?

Tananda: This is prior to obtaining new employment, yes?

Tangent: Yes.

Tananda: If I say it depends, that’s another cop-out, but it does. It depends on the personality, or personality disorders, of your direct supervisors. Most places have a little check-box that says, “May we contact your current employer?” and you can always say no. If it’s a problem for them not to be able to contact your current employer then they may not want to interview you. They may want to ask about it, but most hiring places understand when you are still employed and might not want to rock the boat. (There’s a definite nautical theme in this article. AAARRRRR!) On the other hand, for a lot of higher-level professionals, they expect other people to want their quality employees, and they expect to receive those reference calls on those quality employees.

For the record, and as a courtesy, I like to let my current employer know if I’m exploring other employment options so they are prepared if someone calls asking for a reference. Not that I’m leaving. But my position is a little different. On top of my full time position, I teach and consult, so those really aren’t conflicts and they aren’t reasons for me to leave my current employer.

Tangent: If you are working for someone who is got a “not-so-great-grip-on-sanity” [different term here censored for family content]; you probably do not want them involved in the process. However, if you are working for that great boss and great employer, you would want any potential hiring agents to talk to that person who will (of course) “talk you up.” If you suck and know it, you are obviously not going to be letting any new folks out there talk to the old ones who could clue them in… and if you are completely unaware of your worth, you might just need to flip that coin and see how it lands.

Tananda: The only thing about the “if you suck and you know it” is that there are a lot of states that have legal restrictions on how much a former employer can say to someone calling with a reference question. They are technically not allowed to bad mouth you. However, they can and do ask whether or not you are rehire-able and a negative answer speaks volumes. It tells the potential new employer that your old employer would be happy to be rid of you.

Tangent: *whispered* You’re not gonna get that job.

Tananda: Precisely.

Bad-mouthing?

Tananda: So, we were just talking about that.

Tangent: Yep, we sure were.

Tananda: Don’t do it.

Tangent: I think that’s enough said, don’t you?

Tananda: But what about if it’s your friend getting ready to apply for a job with your former sanity-challenged boss?

Tangent: There’s… um… there’s really a very fine line between what you might tell a friend in confidence, and what you might tell a potential job-seeking employee. You don’t want to set the friend up to not get a job when they need it, but you also don’t want your friend to be challenged (and possibly use your picture for dart practice) when they end up working for your boss who wears his backside as a toboggan.

Tananda: So, bottom line? See my second statement, “Don’t do it.” And your friends have probably already seen your misery and would hopefully not pursue that line of employment anyway unless they were truly desperate.

I hated my former employer… And?

Tananda: Operative word, “Former…” And to quote Raifiki: “It’s in de past.”

(Ensue tangential conversation about Disney movies.)

Tangent: So, here’s the thing. I have another story.

Shortly after I moved here, I started working for a company where I reported to more than one person. I caught one of the people I reported to speaking to another in the break room and telling them that their job in life was to make me cry as often as possible. I hated that job. Hated it. I still see that person around this area. No matter how many years have passed, and how much I hated it, badmouthing her or the company doesn’t feel right. Talking to friends and such about the negative experience serves no positive purpose.

I try to be above reproach no matter who they are or how they have treated me. I can cut them out of my life. It gets to me. It gets to anyone, but I need to live my life to a certain philosophy.

Tananda: The point being, that rehashing and being negative in what we say and do, doesn’t remove the experience and doesn’t shine a very positive light on us or our professional behavior. And it doesn’t help us move on. It keeps us locked into looking in the rear-view mirror when we need to be looking forward.

I’m leaving people behind…

Tananda: Literally, one of my people that I was leaving, cried non-stop for about a week. That was the hardest part of leaving any job that I have left. Sometimes those people are not necessarily my employees. Sometimes they are my boss, but I tended to be a caretaker for them, too.

Tangent: In my case, having gone through this so recently: I looked at it from two different perspectives. I’m trying to make sure that my people are not left clueless about what I did for them and be able to do those things for themselves. By the same token, I am really going to miss some of those folks. I do miss some of those folks. But that said, you have a new job. There is so much new to learn, absorb, get into… I haven’t even been on Facebook lately, and that was my only connect for some of them. I have every intention of keeping in touch, but life happens. I miss my people, the ones that I saw every day that just stopped to say “hi”. <sigh> But this was a good decision for me. I need to remember that.

Tananda: Well, you haven’t managed to get rid of me yet!

Tangent: I’m good with that, actually. I’ll keep you.

What about non-competition clauses and conflicts of interest?

Tananda: Be aware of any potential issues that a new employer may have. A lot of them will want you to disclose any conflicts of interest, including friendships, volunteer work, consulting, or other income. Non-competition clauses mean that you can’t go work for somebody that has one of these agreements with your former employer. Period. End of story.

Making sure co-workers left behind are taken care of after you leave

Tangent: In my case, I feel like (especially given the administrative nature of the work I do) and most of the things people are relying on me for… people are not going to be able to do what I did. They wouldn’t know how, because I had always done it for them. My task in leaving was to leave them with the bevy of information to make sure they could do those things for themselves, or knew who to contact to get it done. I made a document that covered everything, and the response to that document was a mixed bag of incredulity and amazement that I would even put my time into making sure that people had that information. But I felt it was my responsibility.

If you are in another role, it may depend on what your employer (direct supervisor) may require to be done in preparation for your departure. There are just going to be times when it won’t make a “hill of beans”… You may not have a job that really impacts others, and truth be told it is going back to job specificity. So, how and what you leave people with may not be as important as cleaning up any potential messes. On the other hand, it comes down to what sort of person you are and the responsibility you feel to the people you leave behind.

This is a really good time to brush up on the decision-making skills. It is really up to you, unless your boss specifies, to decide what you need to do to take care of those left behind, right?

Tananda: My situation is a little different because I have the people that rely on me for their clinical support. I’ve been their teacher, their supervisor, their mentor, the encyclopedia of all trivial knowledge, a cornucopia of strange and unusual facts, and leader from a sense of stability. My decision to leave that kind of role means that I need to make sure that not only are the day-to-day tasks and job functions taken care of, but the emotional needs are met as well. My employees really get shaken up when they have to worry about reporting to someone new, even temporarily; having a new commanding officer that is running inspection. So, my job means making sure that my crew is as shiny for the new person as they can possibly be and that all of them feel confident enough in their abilities to do their jobs without me and still come out smelling like roses.

Asking for written references, letters of recommendation or introduction

Tananda: Let’s do a brief introduction on what these things actually are.

Tangent: Yes! Because, they all sound the same, but they’re really not.

Written References: These are typically three written character references from someone who knows you in a professional capacity, someone who knows you in a training or social way, then maybe someone who has known you for a long time. They are kept in your portfolio (yes, you should have a portfolio) in perpetuity…meaning forever and kept updated as your experiences warrant. These are things that talk about you as a person and the address the core of who you are.

Letters of Recommendation: These are letters addressing your appropriateness for a particular position. These are from someone who has the qualifications to judge your ability to perform the duties of the position you are seeking to fill.

Letters of Introduction: Hi, let me introduce you to Hyacinth she is awesome and you should hire her. And, more specifically, it is generally from someone who is known to the person who is potentially going to hire you. It’s a professional formality. And while it may seem kind of old fashioned in this modern era, it’s a nice touch – kind of like a flourish – and employers definitely pay attention.

Tananda: The question is, why are we talking about this? Because, if you have a decent relationship with your current employer, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get those things lined up…just in case. To catch a letter of recommendation from a respected supervisor is a big deal. Ask a former employer if they would be willing to be listed as a reference on your resume. Keep in touch with that mentor and continue to keep a good eye on their connections, so that when opportunity knocks, you can ask to be introduced.

Tangent: OK – this is great! I think we need to tie it in a nice, pretty bow now.

Tananda: But you make better bows than I do!

Tangent: But you’re better at nautical knots.

Tananda: Actually, we’re really not done. I have one more thing. Try not to burn a bridge that you’re attempting to cross because you never know who’s back there on the other side who you may need down the road. Plus, I always like to have something at the end that ties in with the title.

Tangent: Yeah. What you said. Bon Voyage!

Body Image

Physical Fit: Instruments of Torture

July 7, 2014 tananda Leave a comment

While the title of this particular episode along my path of self-imposed physical virtue would lead one to think that the apparatus described would be the mechanical destroyers of sinew and will, drawing from the tired and overtaxed muscles of my physique the sweat, like blood, that fuels their sadistic pleasure… Um, yeah, not so much. I shall speak of something much, much worse. Something so hideous that it could only be imagined by a sociopathic sadist that revels in the tears of all women. Yes, my friends, I speak of that heinous device… the SPORTS BRA!

For those of you who do not know me, I will only say that the majority of my life, even after traditional puberty, has been free from the need or desire from the architectural marvels to defy gravity’s effect upon the secondary sex characteristics of the female form. I was, to quote that old phrase, flat as a board. While this particular trait was the source of my despair in my adolescence as my friends were getting their first training and more substantial foundation garments, my natural athleticism quite soon convinced me that my lot in life was not so bad.

I witnessed more well endowed friends in tears after basketball, volleyball, and softball practices and games. I watched as my aquatic sisters strapped themselves down like Julie Andrews in Victor/Victoria to “reduce drag” for a swim meet. I listened to the complaints of friend and foe in the dressing room and dugout about the uncomfortable tightness of uniforms and lack of support in their underwires while girding themselves with enough metal, fake whalebone, elastic, and lycra to divert satellite signals from space.

However… karma, they say, is a bitch. Apparently, my gift of middle age and premenopausal life was a second puberty, graced by a hormonal surge that gifted me with the feminine curves that I had never before possessed. I have often joked that I finally figured out what Victoria’s secret was… she had my tits held hostage for 44 years and apparently decided to give them back when gravity could overpower my body’s natural elasticity. Crafty bitch! For a tidy sum, she will also let me have the technology (satin covered and fashion conscious) to combat said gravity… but I digress.

Thus begins my tale of woe… What my male readers probably do not understand (or you might… I won’t judge) is that the process of improving physical fitness and “getting into trim” has a curious effect as we grow older. Age decreases the collagen and natural elasticity of our skin. That’s right, folks! We lose inches in adipose tissue (fat) and firm up our muscles… and we are left with some flabby epidermal and dermal material that hangs on us a bit like an ill fitting suit. In the younger individual, the skin will tighten up incrementally, but the older we are (or the more weight we lose), that outer layer of ourselves may not ever quite catch up. Like a pair of old, stretched-out tubesocks, gravity sings the siren song, and so the folds of extra flesh fall to the floor. I could, at this point, go off on a tangent of my own with the medical concerns and other issues that come from this, but I am only prolonging the agony and procrastinating my shame.

In my particular case, my primary issues with extra dangle in my bangle happens to be in my chest… Hey! I’m just as surprised as anyone! This is something that I have never… EVER… had to deal with… the extra bounce in my jog. Plus, it hurt! Actual pain accompanied gravity, running, and my boobs. No bueno. This should be an easy fix. I mean, I have foundation garments, right? But no, these are nice bras. These are pieces of lovely feminine construction that I do not wish to sweat through… and they weren’t cheap. Additionally, laundering said garments are not precisely the wash and wear instruction.

This presented a predicament. I recalled that I did actually own what was formerly known as a “jog bra” in my former life. This sort of garment is made of lycra and sweatsuit material; thus, washable and providing necessary support. I put on my pith helmet and got out my shovel… and found it! Clutching my holy grail in victory, I placed it in my gym bag with the rest of my workout gear and toddled off to work.

Fast forward to the end of business. All of my staff have gone home. I shut down my work space, grab my bag, and betake myself to the restroom to change into my workout gear. I almost chuckle to myself. The dreaded cardio would face a worthier opponent today as I faced it bravely, and upright, without having to clutch my saggy, sore bosom in response to repeated gravity-impacted jolts. I had my secret weapon. My “JOG BRA”! Muahahahahaha!

Two miscalculations:

1. Remember my “second puberty”?

2. I’m not so flexible as I used to be.

Before I continue, let me say a bit more about the construction of a “jog bra”. As I said, this is a construction of lycra and cotton designed to be washable, supportive, and wick away the perspiration. Additionally, these bastions of the athletic female form are designed to hold everything still… and tight… and … dear heavens! I have seen male impersonators that put less effort into flattening their own chests! Really?!?

First thing I noticed? I must have been half asleep as I packed the tiny… and I do mean tiny piece of elasticized fabric in with my running shoes and other workout gear. Either that, or my euphoria upon actually locating the damned thing overrode any other sense… (take that as you may). Why? Because, I am pretty certain that I couldn’t have comfortably fit into this thing before I passed my first puberty, flat-chested or not!

Second thing I noticed? I had ill-advisedly chosen as my external workout apparel a shirt that required some… nay, any undergarment or else I would be arrested for indecent exposure and put away forever as a psychological harm to others.

I am nothing if not stubborn. I had laid my wardrobe, and I would wear it. This thing has elastic, it must stretch. Poor, foolish woman!

I am pretty sure that the military has not yet developed the technology to resist physical effort in the way this small piece of elasticized cotton can. I managed to get my arms, and head levered into it when it failed to accommodate any further efforts I made. There I stood: Arms pinned to my ears and blind (imagine Mr. Bean with a turkey on his head… and, there ya go). Strain as I would, this beast would not be moved. Near to losing consciousness from hypoxia, I leaned back against a wall and must have relaxed in just the right way so that I was able to ease one shoulder and my head through the appropriate holes. The other arm was pinned resolutely to my latisimus dorsi for all I could tell, but this was progress! My hope was renewed that I would not be trapped in the bathroom until my staff let me out the next day half naked and suffocated from my efforts. After much grunting and wiggling (that was much less enjoyable than one might imagine from that highly descriptive language), I was able to push through my other shoulder. This must be something like entering the world through the birth canal! Another brief respite resting on the only available seat… use your imagination… and I disentangled the lower elastic band from somewhere behind my left ear and pulled it sharply into place below my breasts…

And they were immediately relocated to my underarms and shoulderblades. Really?!? This is more comfortable than just letting gravity do its thing?!? After forcing the air forced out by pain back into my lungs, I managed to rearrange myself (do you guys do this with jockstraps all the time? If so, I have new sympathy) into something that was less painful that being crushed under boulders… something more along the lines of having steel bands wrapped tightly around your ribcage suppressing normal respiration.

Sagging against the wall for support, I found that I was sweating profusely, exhausted, panting with physical exertion, and exhibiting all the symptoms of a hernia and pulled muscle somewhere in my neck and shoulder… Hang on girls! I’m going to work out now!

Vaping

Attack of the Vapers: What does that Mean?!?

June 28, 2014 tananda 1 Comment

So, I’ve been silent for a while, I know. Truth is, things are moving so fast (in the world of vaping and in the rest of my life), I’ve just been dizzily clinging to the safety straps and waiting to see what shakes out.

They do say that the sign of a cultural phenomenon is when a trend develops its own language. As many non-vaping friends have remarked, listening to a bunch of vapers talking can be as incomprehensible as trying to eavesdrop on an alien invasion force. Aside from the technological jargon that is associated with vaping activities, vaping vocabulary has expanded to include a variety of terms to describe the behaviors, supplies, and people participating in the change. The following is a truncated list of terms, a vaping glossary if you will, to assist the non-vaper or neophyte vaper understand the conversation of their vaping friends. So, without further ado…

Vape – v. The action of inhaling vaporized nicotine suspension medium from an electronic cigarette or other electronic nicotine delivery system. v.t. vaping; n. vaper

510 threaded connector – Electronic nicotine delivery devices usually have two basic sections: A battery or power supply and a vessel of some sort that holds the liquid suspension providing the vapor/flavor/nicotine inhaled. For most of these, the vessel is connected to the battery with one of two connectors which involve threads that allow the vessel to screw onto the battery. The 510 threaded connector is one type of these. It allows for a post to screw down into a couch type gizmo… and, nevermind. Point is, this is the skinny one with the threads on the inside of the battery and the outside of the vessel connection.

Atomizer (aka tank) – This is one type of vessel that holds the suspension medium discussed above. Believe me, it gets confusing trying to figure out what is meant, and I am pretty sure that people use the names interchangeably with no real differentiation, but here is what I was able to glean from those more in tune with the technological aspects. The atomizer draws juice from the wick and heats it to a vapor. The wicks are generally suspended in the liquid which is held in some sort of container (glass, plastic, acrylic, metal). It works very much like an oil lamp would, provided you have ever seen an oil lamp in action.

· RBA (Rebuildable atomizer) – While some atomizers/tanks are disposable, most vapers eventually move to the rebuildable variety. The initial cost of the RBA can be slightly more… or more than slightly more than the disposable variety, but the cost in the long run is less. Instead of buying new tanks to replace an old burned-out one, only the coil need be replaced. There are pre-made coils for some models, but the tinkers and adventurous vapers build their own.

· RDA (Rebuildable dripping atomizer) aka Dripper – Yet another type of tank. They are constructed so that the suspension medium is added by dripping directly onto the wicking material. Drippers are usually rebuildable to allow the vaper to adjust the coils to allow for more resistance (remember physics and electricity) and thus more heat, and that produces more vapor. Also, due to the temperature difference, the taste of the vapor in a dripper is often very different than that in an atomizer tank.

· Hybrid tank – These are a type of atomizer that works somewhat like a dripper in that the coils are rebuildable and often produce higher temperatures and more vapor, but instead of requiring the vaper to drip liquid a few drops at a time, they have a tank that will automatically drip onto the wick rather than draw constantly (like the oil lamp type).

Beauty ring – Nope, not some type of body modification. This goes with those 510 connector doo-hickies (technical term) or post conversions for other connectors (see below). You’ve heard of innies and outies? Well, this is when the innies and outies are somehow mismatched. While, the vessel and battery actually will attach to each other, it sometimes produces what appears to be a very unstable and not-so-very esthetically pleasing construction of a skinny post screwed into a skinny connector. The beauty ring covers that up to make a smooth transition from the power supply to the tank, thus saving those of us with a touch of the obsessive compulsive from a full meltdown.

Cartomizer – This is another of those vessels I mentioned earlier. While the atomizer is more like an oil lamp, the cartomizer is … not. I really don’t have much of a metaphor for this one. This one uses wicking material (polyfil) that is soaked with the suspension medium and surrounds the coil to keep it wet and producing vapor like laying a wet blanket on a stove eye. Ok, that didn’t sound good, but you get the idea. The main point is that there is no free liquid medium. It is all soaked into the wicking material that is wrapped around the metal coil.

Cleartomizer – This is possibly the most confusing term to me. It means… a tank, frequently see-through so that you can see the level of juice that is currently in it so you know when to refill. Well, the confusion for me is that some people call the ones that are metal (meaning you can’t see through it unless you are Superman) the same thing. Seems a little counterintuitive to me. So, how about let’s go with cleartomizer being the see-through variety.

Clone – No, this is not some science fiction character or science experiment. In this case, a clone is a replicated version of some particular equipment design, frequently referring to tanks or mods (see below). The replication often addresses flaws in the authentic design and is more often than not a good deal less expensive. However, readers beware, clones are not always better than the original. Some are produced with less attention to quality control and may not function as well. Less scrupulous vendors may also try to sell the knock-offs as originals/authentic. So, just be careful and try to stick with reputable vendors.

Cloud chasing – The activity of trying to produce the largest amount of vapor on the exhale. This has been turned into a proverbial art form. People will build coils and rigs for the sole purpose of producing the biggest clouds. There are YouTube channels devoted to this.

Daily vape – This is the go-to flavor that any vaper will tell you is what they are generally using all the time. The flavors tend to be the one that the vaper does not tire of readily and are not generally the more expensive juices.

Drip tip – A removable mouthpiece which allows access to the wick in a dripper tank, but is also prevalent on various cleartomizers or liquid tanks used to allow people to express their individual identities and styles. Drip tips can come in a variety of shapes, sizes, colors, and materials. There are some quite beautiful versions in blown glass, and there are tips that are designed for the long opera cigarette holder or pipe stem effect.

Dry hit – When all of the e-juice has evaporated from wick or polyfil, the draw is a hot, burned cotton or chemical taste that is unpleasant to most vapers. This is called a dry hit. It is accompanied by the dry hit face that generally looks like someone tried to feed the vaper a spoon full of ipecac combined with ear wax.

E-cigarette, e-cig – While most would say that these terms apply to all of the non-combustible nicotine dispensing systems, most vapers use these terms to refer to the devices that look like traditional cigarettes.

E-juice – see juice

E-liquid – see juice

Ego threaded connector – So, remember the first definition about the connectors (the 510)? This is another one. It gets the name from one of the most common type of starter batteries, the Ego. The threads for this one are on the outside of the battery and the inside of the tank so that the tank screws down over the battery connector to create a smooth connection.

Hookah pen – This is a term used to describe the electronic nicotine vaporizers that look like an ink pen and have a drip tip making them resemble the tips on a hookah; can also be called an e-hookah.

Juice – This is the liquid suspension medium that is heated to produce the vapor inhaled by vapers much like traditional combustible cigarette smoke, but with no combustible toxicants or resulting ash from burned product. The suspension is usually a combination of propylene glycol (PG), vegetable glycerine (VG), flavor, diluting ingredient, and nicotine.

· Dripping juice – These are juices that are meant for drippers. Often they taste better dripped than tanked. They may also be expensive, and dripping makes them last longer. Sometimes, these juices are thicker or have flavor ingredients (such as cinnamon) that might gum up or degrade a regular liquid tank.

· Tankable juice – These juices are more diluted and wick easily without gumming up or degrading a holding tank. The flavors are generally the ones that people prefer as a regular or daily vape.

· PEG – Polyethylene glycol. Suspension medium that was used in most first generation electronic cigarettes. It has a number of uses in the chemical and medical world, one of which is as a laxative. While not terribly deadly, it does occasionally aggravate certain respiratory sensitivities.

· PG – Propylene glycol. Another suspension medium and one of the most frequently used for current e-juices. It is also commonly used in a number of chemical and medical applications, but it (like the PEG) aggravates certain respiratory conditions.

· VG – Vegetable glycerin. It is a carbohydrate derived from plant oils. That’s pretty much it. It is viscous (thick) and is used as a suspension medium like PG or PEG. People who are sensitive to the other chemicals generally are able to use higher VG e-juice with fewer problems. VG is thicker than the other chemicals and many vendors prefer to use PG or a blend of the two. Often vendors will indicate that higher VG liquids are ok for dripping, but not tanking. However, there are tankable high-VG juices available on the market.

Kanthal – A type of wire from which coils can be constructed. Most of your run-of-the-mill vaping types are not going to care one way or another about this word. However, the coil-building tinkers and cloud chasers are always looking for a good price on Kanthal.

Mod – This is not a fashion craze denoting the hipness inherently displayed by the young, privileged mid-20^th century. Well… yeah, I know it actually is, but in this case it isn’t. The term mod, in this case refers to a power supply device. Specifically, these are something that has been modified to use battery(s) to transfer power to the coil of the vaporizing device. Mods can be simply a case with battery and switch, but they also can get much more complex.

· Mechanical mod – There is some sort of switch and the body of the mod makes the connection to transfer the electrical current to the coils of the tank/atomizer.

· Semi mechanical mod – This one involves wires and such to create the circuit.

· Hybrid mod – The atomizer is built into the power supply, all-in-one gizmo.

· Regulated Vs. Unregulated – So, this one was hard for me to wrap my brain around… mostly because when I was asking, people have a very hard time defining the terms without using the actual terms. However, this is what I finally was able to gather: The regulated vs. unregulated situation is somewhat like an electronic funnel. Unregulated devices dump power from the battery to the coil of the atomizer with no real way of knowing how much is feeding into it. The regulated ones have electronics acting as a funnel or gatekeeper that keeps the amount of power consistent at a known amount.

· Variable voltage and Variable wattage – I am so not going into this. Leave it as there are devices that are regulated and allow you to use the electronics to actually adjust the amount of power that is transferred from the battery to the coils of the atomizer. Why on earth would someone do this? Um… well, this goes back to the amount of vapor and the flavor. More power = more heat = more vapor/different flavor.

· Sub-ohm – Again with the trip down memory lane to the physics class. This basically is a term that you will hear from the tinkers and cloud chasers. It involves building coils that have lower resistance that will allow more electricity to flow, resulting in more heat, and thus, more vapor. That’s all I gots to say ‘bout that.

· Protected vs. Unprotected battery – This is the equivalent of the battery version of a ground fault protector or fuse. A protected battery has a saving throw against shorts. So, why in the heck would anyone have an unprotected one? Apparently, unprotected batteries are cheaper, and protected batteries of a given size may not be available. The consensus seems to be that protected is always the better option, though not absolutely required.

Nic’d out – Becoming lightheaded, nauseous, or developing a headache from too much vaping and getting too much nicotine in the system. It’s a slang term of the vaping community. While the term itself implies having too much nicotine in the system, the feeling can occur with zero nicotine juices. Often, the phenomenon is much like what would happen if you hyperventilate into a paper bag. Point being? Take it easy and take good full breaths of non-vapor in between puffs folks.

Tank – Any vessel for containing suspension medium and vapor to be inhaled by the individual using an electronic nicotine delivery device. See atomizer, cartomizer, cleartomizer.

Vape pen – Another name for the electronic nicotine delivery devices that do not look like a traditional cigarette.

Vape tongue – The phenomenon that occurs after repeated vaping or trial of multiple juices resulting in a numbing or inability to differentiate tastes. The effect dissipates readily with hydration and abstaining from vaping for a while.

Voob – I really almost hate to include this and the following term, mainly because they are just silly. However, I feel that no glossary (even a truncated one) would be complete without a few of the strange slang and bizarre practice terms that have been coined in the process. This one, voob, is the “selling with sex” part of any new trend. And now, I’m just procrastinating. This particular practice is for a female vaper to place between their breasts a vape mod and thereby holding said device vape hands-free. Ta-dah. Look ma! No hands! Um… yeah. Obviously, this requires a certain amount of exhibitionism, appropriate foundation garments, and certain anatomical features not always gifted in the appropriate amount to achieve said goal. So, there!

Voop – And… enter the potty humor and proof that there is an adolescent inside the mind of most adults. It was bound to happen (heh heh, bound). Vooping is the act of vaping on the crapper. Yep. That’s it. People sit, @#$%, and vape. Now, I need to go wash my hands. Pass the mental floss, please.

And that, my friends is the basic vocabulary of the vape, though by no means comprehensive. It seems every time I think I have my brain wrapped around all the ins and outs of vaping, someone will throw out a term I’ve never heard before. Every day brings changes, improvements, and adventures in the world of vaping. With those changes, the language expands to accommodate the new. So, now that you know (and knowing is half the battle, right?)… Happy vaping, y’all!

Tananda.com

All posts by tananda

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Physical Fit: Battling the Summer Vacation Doldrums

Professional Leave-Taking: Crossing that bridge without burning it

Physical Fit: Instruments of Torture

Attack of the Vapers: What does that Mean?!?

A blog about a few thing I picked up along the way… Hey driver, where are we going?!?