All posts by tananda

Physical Fit: Surviving Vacation

August 2, 2015 tananda Leave a comment

Seems like an odd title, really. I mean, who doesn’t survive vacation? Ok, yes, I know there are accidents and extreme sport enthusiasts and of course those types with debatable intellect and common sense who think they are Grizzly Adams and decide to go walkabout with absolutely no actually survival skills. Other than that, though, for the majority of us who generally just take a few days or a week to not work and get away from the every day grind… that’s who I’m talking about. Yeah… those of us who plan a break and go to a beach or other chosen location for the purposes of relaxation, typically, we don’t have to think about surviving the experience. We just enjoy it.

However, from the perspective of someone who is still struggling with the whole fitness and healthy living aspects, it is a different matter. Anxiety about losing ground in strength or endurance progress, gaining weight due to overindulgence, and other setbacks can prey on the mind and throw a wrench in anyone’s fitness routine.

This year, I decided to approach things a little differently. As a part of the anticipatory goodness of pre-vacation planning, I reached out to friends and fitness partners prior to my departure to ask them for their favorite tips, tricks, and advice for staying on track while still enjoying vacation. Here are the common themes:

Incorporate physical activity in the fun (walk, hike, canoe, swim, etc.)
Choose healthy food snacks.
Stick with normal eating routines.
Do not eliminate favorite vacation meals (restaurants, favorite foods, etc.), just be reasonable and balance workouts with expected caloric increase.
Work out early in the day.
Eat clean, especially breakfast, and incorporate protein and shakes or smoothies.
For hotel living, try to choose someplace with kitchenette (more control over what you eat and cheaper).
Keep the indulgence in adult beverage moderate.
Drink water. Stay hydrated.
ENJOY YOURSELF.

People had great ideas for specifics in following these common threads, too. I thought about it all and realized that the enjoyment factor is especially important for any fitness regimen. It’s all well and good to lose weight, firm up, get stronger, feel better, but if you are miserable because you have denied yourself everything you love all the time, it will never become a lifestyle. That’s how yo-yo diets and weight gain-loss issues are born. Resenting or feeling like you missed out on something will eventually betray you and so the program falls by the wayside.

As it happens, I’m one of those people who have struggled with weight loss-gain pendulums and it has probably damaged my metabolism beyond repair at my age. So, I try to set goals of a different sort for myself than the typical “lose weight” or “fit in to size X, Y, or Z by the holidays.” It just isn’t feasible for me at this point(without surgery anyhow). However, I can have personal goals, such as improving my time per mile and endurance. I can become stronger. And if it just so happens that my pants fit a little looser (or just fit… wouldn’t that be nice?) and my arms stop waving when I do, all the better!

I’m a vacation anomaly in a lot of ways, though. For all that I love sitting on a beach with a beverage and a book and doing absolutely nothing else, I usually lose weight on vacation. Yep, you read that correctly. I generally shed a few unwanted pounds of adipose while I am sitting on my ass doing nothing. Sometimes, this is not necessarily a good thing.

Years ago, when I would make my pilgrimage to the ocean to gaze upon the waves and commune with the creatures thereof, I spent the majority of my time sleeping, reading, eating, drinking, and occasionally dipping in the ocean to cool off. This doesn’t sound like a bad way to spend a week. However, I didn’t really have a lot of activity. Also, while I did eat, I would usually skip breakfast and lunch and then overindulge with dinner. Alarmed at my increasing girth at one point, I changed tactics and restricted my food intake, meaning I limited my caloric intake on dinner and continued to blithely indulge in copious tropical drinks. I actually lost quite a bit of weight, but I had all of the muscle tone of a jellyfish.

Needless to say, my horrible habits of calorie watching and restricting led to about a decade and a half of bouncing all over the scale and never being able to maintain healthy weight loss. However, regardless of my average weight shifting about everywhere, I had always lost a couple of pounds during my sojourn at the seaside. The prodigal pounds generally returned and brought friends later, and having the muscle tone of an invertebrate doesn’t actually fulfill the criteria of health even at my lowest actual weigh-in (what my friend calls “skinny-fat”).

Last year, I changed gears entirely, choosing to incorporate a more active approach to my vacation lifestyle. At the time, I had a goal to run one mile on the beach. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but it was sort of a “bucket list” item, and running was nothing I ever thought I would do with any frequency or endurance. Well, run I did. It worked out pretty well, actually.

This year, the pattern continued with some improvements (partially based upon my kind contributors’ tips and advice). Every morning, I get up and run on the beach. I’ve stopped clocking the miles as much, but I just tried to stick to my most recent time goals of 40 minutes. Now, for those of you who have experienced running in loose or slightly packed sand, you understand that this is not going to give me the fastest mile. It does, however, identify muscles I never consciously experienced before, and it cuts my distance approximately in half. True story. Doing my run first thing in the morning did about three things: It got me moving and my workout done early; it allowed me to exercise without positively roasting in the sun and dying of heat prostration, and it gave me the opportunity to see a lot of cool things (like baby turtles struggling to the sea and sunrises each day).

We’ve always had a kitchen in our place where we stay every year. It’s small, and by no means the most modern or professional set up, but it suffices. I actually enjoy cooking when I am not also trying to work a 40-80 hour work week. This year, I planned a full week menu. It wasn’t bad, if I say so myself. It included things like feta-brined chicken with spinach Florentine and braised carrots; Andouille sausage with melon and potato gnocchi; sirloin with balsamic glaze and peaches with harvest mushroom and zucchini rice… Are y’all hungry yet? Planning my menu was not only fun, but it allowed me to try and create new things that I might actually repeat at home. Obviously, dinner is only one meal of the day.

After my run, there is (as always) coffee, but I also included poached eggs. I’m working on my macronutrients (maybe a post later about that… when I wrap my head around it better), and I was not getting nearly enough protein in my diet. So, poached eggs helped make sure I was getting in some protein first thing. I will say that my habits are not changed nearly enough to go inside for lunch once I’m out on the beach, but this year I took my Herbalife shake or beverage drink to give me some protein during the day, too, instead of skipping and being starved at night leading me to overeat.

Sleep is something that is overlooked as a vacation staple. And I can hear what you are saying, “Why do you need to worry about sleep on vacation? Isn’t that what everyone does on vacation?!?” Well… no. Without the dread of the alarm clock jarring me into wakefulness on a daily basis, I tend to stay up way to late reading, playing games on my phone, watching Sharknado (no… scratch that, I will never watch that movie again or any of the sequels). I made a concerted effort this year to keep a decent sleep schedule (sans background TV). It made the early morning waking more natural and reset my circadian rhythm to something approaching healthy.

So… All in all, I’m pretty pleased with how I managed myself on vacation this year. I do not believe I fell off track, or if I did, it wasn’t so far that I’m struggling to get back. I expect that there will be a little bit of transition to go back to running with hard pavement or elliptical pedals beneath my feet instead of sand and a bit of recovery on my strength training since I didn’t do a lot of weight lifting while on holiday. All in all, though, I am hoping that I’ve not lost a lot of ground. Am I ready to go back to the grind? Oh, hell no. But that is an entirely different matter.

personal, The New Cheese

Artificial Unintelligence or the Day Siri Tried to Get Me Fired

July 20, 2015 tananda Leave a comment

So, there are entire site dedicated to the devil that is autocorrect. We have all seen and probably laughed heartily at the Freudian slips that our various communication devices seem to enjoy using to our abject horror. There are times when I am amazed and baffled at the hash that the circuitry seems to make of my simple exchanges. For example, who on earth would have gotten “Quetzalcoatl” from “mayonnaise”? For that matter, what the hell was the Aztec deity of wisdom and life doing in my phone in the first place?!? Points to ponder, that… Anyhow, as I was saying we all know that autocorrect is the bane of any neutrally classified conversation and the algorhythms thereof appear to have been deliberately programmed by a pubescent brain with a naughty streak that makes sexual innuendos from Captain Jack Harkness look like Sesame Street (extra points for those who got the reference). However, I believe that the voice activated artificial intelligence that have given personality to our smart phones may have exceeded even that threshold.

Though many of my brethren and sisters out there may have gone with other operating systems and their own flavors of artificial assistance, I have adhered to the evil fruity empire and that particular nemesis of my own… Siri. Please excuse my language, but Siri is an unmitigated bitch and works actively to make my life a more difficult place to live.

What could you possibly mean, Tananda? Siri does not have emotions or sentient thought. She is but a mere collection of programming and circuitry with only dichotomy decision making and search routines.

That’s just what she wants you to think!

Most people have the experience with Siri and other forms of electronic assistants of misunderstood speech and less than helpful answers. There was a whole range of commercials that made fun of GPS map systems with “RECALCULATING” as a regular punchline. Again, they are probably an easy target for humor since they have relatively simple interface and regardless of the progress one might perceive towards science-fiction-like computers and robotics, these devices are still in grammar school by comparison. It isn’t a negative observation, it is just realistic judgment of the initial stages of true human-to-machine interaction. To be completely honest, I’m not sure I want these things to get too clever. I’ve seen the movies, I don’t want to be controlled by our mechanical overlords, thanks.

Siri has, to this date, gotten me lost in some very unsavory situations and locations. She has a determined lack of desire to allow me to contact my mother by calling or texting. Instead she prefers to attempt to send the messages meant for my mother, my husband, or friends to business contacts and superiors who might not really appreciate being told that I love them or asking about various locations for planned debauchery. More than once I have attempted to ask the cow to “Call mom” or “Text Ted” to have her say, “What would you like to say to Doug Rodgers?” Seriously… or should that be Siriously?!? How on earth did she get that name from “mom” or “Ted”? It can lead to what I might like to call… “complications.” I’ve been brought to the brink of violence towards this disembodied entity that resides in my phone. More than once I have been diminished to the point of cursing at her with a string of profanity that rivals George Carlin’s Seven-Words-You-Can’t-Say-On-Television. To which Siri (proving that she is passive aggressive and has a seriously sadistic bent) replied “Okie Dokie, artichoke” at one time and “I was merely trying to help” at another. See what I mean?!? She’s evil. However, nothing quite compares to the day Siri tried to get me fired.

That is what I said. You read it correctly. It is my sincerest belief that while Siri is supposed to be without true sentience or personality, she secretly has “woken up” and become my archenemy and wants me to die a horrible death… or at very least be fired and forced to live in ignominy and humiliation for the rest of my days. So, for the record, I’m putting it on paper… well, not paper, but electronic version thereof… you know what I mean! I want witnesses dammit!!!

For those of you who do not know, I am actually a manager of a team of outreach specialists in the field of healthcare. I have quite a number of them who work for me, but in the infancy of the program, I had but three. Bless them, they worked hard and put up with all my stumbling attempts to define what our program would become. It was a struggle, but we made it… and I digress. As it happens, one of my first employees was male. He came to our employment relationship well recommended with a good many years of experience already under his belt. We’ve since that time gotten to know each other pretty well, but starting out, things were the stiff and professional interactions you might recognize. Everything was still very new and personalities were still figuring themselves out a tad. I primarily was trying to do my best to give an impression of professionalism to inspire confidence in the people working for me.

So, as the business day came to a close one evening, I was heading across town in my jeep. Like a good many people in the workforce today who need to communicate quickly in a variety of circumstances, my crew uses texting. Before any of the HIPAA-aware folks out there start freaking out, no protected health information flows through these lines. It is primarily a way of addressing generic information and safety considerations. Things like, “I’m leaving” or “I’ve arrived” to indicated things that the police have lovely codes for like 10-8 or 10-77.

On this particular day, we had been struggling with a case and trying to access resources in a very short timeframe. My staff member texted me as I was driving to say something along the lines of being unable to fulfill all the requests that were made of us that day.

Now, I’m not one of those who will text and drive. I’ve always seen it as dangerous, and given my propensity for clumsiness and lack of coordination, it would just be idiotic not to mention being illegal in most states these days. However, I do have Siri to assist me with these things. She asked, “Do you wish to respond?” I answered in the affirmative, and Siri said “What would you like to say to….?” So, I responded by speaking into the air, “That’s ok. We will just have to deal with the rest tomorrow.” Now, for those of you familiar with the interface in question, you know that she repeats the message back. For those unfamiliar, the next horrifying response from Siri was, “Your message to … says ‘Ok. I guess I’ll show you my breasts tomorrow.’ Do you wish to send?”

As you might imagine, for all my safety precautions using hands-free options and avoiding texting while driving, I nearly capsized my poor vehicle attempting to prevent that missive from sending along the airwaves. Imagine if you will, me trying to capture from the air the words as in slow motion the word “Noooooooooooo” flies out of my mouth. I could see the nightmare before me during my exit interview in human resources, “So, Dr. Haren, can you please help us understand how you thought it appropriate to sexually harass your employee by threatening him with your breasts?” Oh yeah, that would have been a hoot! Now, looking back, it makes for an enormously humorous situation that we can all get a chuckle from, but I can still almost capture that moment of panic when I thought Siri would likely send the message anyway.

As it stands, I’m still employed and not under any investigations for inappropriate conduct. I have foiled the little electronic @#$% so far. May I continue to be vigilant!

personal

Psychological Loofah

July 6, 2015 tananda Leave a comment

One of the things that I have finally figured out, after years and years of completely going about things in the wrong way, is that we all need people in our lives that add to it. Now, by adding I do not mean adding drama, or financial drain, or stress, or emotional turmoil. I mean that everyone needs people in their lives who add something positive to it.

Sometimes, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they add anything. It may be that they take things away. They remove negativity. They remove stress. They remove the dark, nasty cloud that hangs over the head.

During the course of day to day living, most people tend to build up what might be considered a film of nasty, grimy unpleasantness that is picked up from the world. It isn’t that the world is a completely horrible place, but going about the activities of work and interacting with humanity at large generally opens us up to things that are not always pleasant. This might be project deadlines, rush hour traffic, the weather, the bad mood of some other person who has surpassed their aggregate limit of @#$%s to give, or it could just be that we woke up on the wrong side of the bed and things went downhill from there.

In the modern age, we also have a smorgasbord of media that bombards us with negativity. It seems that our “news” agencies flood the ether with the most flamboyantly negative crap they can dig up. Have you ever noticed that a good many of the “reporters” out there can take even the most positive instance imaginable and spin it into horror story? I know. Good vibes don’t sell ads and airtime, but still, it just takes a special kind of miserable to conjure up some ugly for every ray of sunshine. I guess they are crying all the way to the bank, but it just seems an unpleasant way to make a living.

In truth, it doesn’t really have to be the network media, either. Social media rarely goes viral with positives. It’s the negative stuff that usually “breaks the internet.” Fear and anger seem to win the game. And… that’s sad. Truly. Even knowing why it is so doesn’t really help. It is just a sad statement about humanity that we are so focused on the negative. Unfortunately, it isn’t just electronics in our lives, either.

Think about it… you know there are people actually in your life right now that do it, too. You can probably think of at least one person that you interact with on a semi-regular basis that can suck all the air out of a room and turn a good mood into a full blown depression without flexing a muscle. It is like there is an entire species of Grumpy Smurf (for those old enough to remember) who hate everything and who can never let a positive comment live without taking a swipe. As it happens, I have been known to test out this theory. It happened the first time quite by accident, but the person in question was so very negative I attempted to find something positive to bring into the conversation. It wasn’t contrariness on my part (No, really. It wasn’t). It was more a deliberate attempt to cheer us both. I found that I was unequal to the task. It didn’t matter what I said, they could turn it around into something just heartbreaking. Eventually, I just felt frustrated and depressed. However, I now approach it almost as a game. I will say things that are deliberately upbeat and positive just to see how they are going to spin it into the toilet.

In the unseasonably rainy weather we have been having, a brief glimpse of sun was visible. I noted to Grumpy Smurf, “Man, it is nice to see the sunshine again, even if it is just a little while.” The response was classic, “*hmmph* Yeah, it’ll probably just be miserably humid or turn into another drought.” I just have to laugh at these moments.

Knowing the person’s history, I can almost theorize why some people feel compelled to discredit positivity. Sometimes it is an “Expect the worst and take what you get” mindset. If you plan for bad stuff, then you can’t get caught by surprise and maybe you won’t be as devastated by disappointment. The problem with this mindset is that while preparing for the worst, those individuals never seem to get to enjoy the best. All their energy is spent in discounting and looking for the dark cloud around those patches of silver lining. It’s a shame, really.

Another theory is that people who feel the need for the negative spin are playing into “the other shoe” phenomenon. “Things are going way to well right now, the law of averages says I’m gonna get creamed when the other shoe drops,” or “What’s the angle? There has to be an angle?” For some people, history has taught them that when things are going really well, something bad follows right behind. So, they never want to feel “too good.” The other side of that coin is similar to the “expect the worst…” folks. They never get to enjoy their lives because they are so busy looking for that other shoe and the angles.

My point to all of that is that most of us have at least one, usually more of those types with whom we interact every day. Aside from those, there are just the usual bumps and jostles that make up the plethora of life’s little irritations. All those little, and not so little, things contribute to a miasma that builds up on the surface of our personalities like a scum on a pond or mineral scale on the shower walls. We may not even notice that we are carrying it all around with us, bogging us down, making us less shiny. Before we realize what has happened, we’ve got second skin of all that negativity making us one of THEM.

This is why we need the psychological loofah in our lives. Sometimes this is something. Sometimes this is someone. I’m lucky. It’s taken me a while to recognize them for what they are, but I have psychological loofahs and scrubs and chemical peels in my life… I am a psychologist, you know. I build up a lot of that film. For me, there are a number of activities that help me reset and get away from the negatives. Some are daily. Some are weekly. Some are monthly, and some are once a year. The point is that they have become part of my regular regimen to keep that negativity film at a minimum and keep me from being the negative ugliness in someone else’s life. Last but certainly not least, I have the people that are my positive refilling sources. I have been extremely fortunate to have some people in my life who are positive and upbeat (sometimes even when they haven’t had the greatest day on their end either). One in particular always starts the day with a post on social media that says “Be blessed today, sugas!” Usually it is some variation of that. She isn’t Pollyanna, and she has her own struggles, but she tries to contribute positively to the world rather than contributing to what is already an oversupply of negative. I recently told her that her posts are my daily reminder to be more positive than I may feel each day. I’m not sure how she felt about that exactly, but it was true.

My positive friend, her partner, and a few others are people in my life who are a joy to be around balance out the people in my day to day that may be … not so much… I want to be one of those positive people for my friends and loved ones, too. I know that I am not always, but I certainly try. I know that to be healthy physically and emotionally, I need to practice a little mental hygiene. That includes physical exercise, meditation, music, reading good books, laughing out loud at least once a day, and interacting with the people in my life that bring their joy to share with me. I also know that with my psychological loofahs, I stand a much better chance of being what people I care about need instead of contributing to the negative film.

personal

The Sargasso of Intellect and Industry… In other words the Internet

June 11, 2015 tananda Leave a comment

I remember a time when my ability to multitask and utilize wasted moments was legendary. I could get more done in the minutes I consumed my first cup of juice from the blessed caffeinated bean by jumping on the internet to check my mail and maybe pay some bills or balance a checkbook than many others could during their whole day of activity. I was a goddess of industry! I was the queen of time management! I was… you get the idea.

What happened to those days?!? Let me paint you a picture, a “for instance” if you will. Eyes open (voluntarily or completely at the sadistic will of my alarm), I stumble down for my first life-giving cup of coffee. It is, if the timer worked correctly, blistering hot as it probably just finished brewing. I give a testing sip and… yep, set that down for a minute to avoid injury to the delicate tissues of tongue, gum, and palette. I take my cup over to my laptop and open it up. After typing in my password, I open a browser and start the morning. This may also occur using my smart phone, but the general habit is the same. Me, coffee, technology… mmmmm good. You have the picture. You might think, “Sounds good so far.” However, here is where the tale begins to shift. Whereas in days gone by, I would check email, pay bills, check bank balances and maybe act as monitor for some various listservs that I managed; now, I seem to automatically sign into social media and game servers. Yes, I’m ashamed to say it. I’m one of those people who play the “time-wasters”. And that title is so apt it hurts.

I can even rationalize the behavior to myself. I’ll just play through my 100 minutes while I drink my coffee and get myself prepared for the day. I’ll just check my newsfeed for important updates from friends, family, coworkers, and such. I’ll make sure I’m not forgetting someone’s birthday… and while I’m at it, let me just sign into the zombie game and get my rewards for the day’s goals. What was that quiz? Wow, I was an otter in a previous life?!? Who knew? Oh, and I might as well play the hidden object game and get my daily reward for clicking into my addiction. Oh, the timer ran out on the quest, click on the next one. Ok… I’m just gonna WHOA!!! How did it get to be 1:00PM?!?

This is obviously a weekend scenario, but you get the idea. I used to do things with my life. I went outside. I read books. I was actually a voracious reader and usually was reading about four different tomes at the same time along with professional journals for new scientific finds and best practice models. I was a writer… obviously to some extent I still am, but I mean writing papers for assignments, dissertations, theses, scientific journal articles, poetry, and personal journal. I at one point in my life was artistic. I created things. I played music, I sketched, and I used a camera with a certain amount of skill. (Lately, the most impressive photography I’ve done is with my smartphone.) On the more mundane side, I cleaned my house regularly, instead of the pre-company-flight-of-the-bumble-bee-dusting dance. I used to spend my time interacting with people, not zombies and clickbait articles. What the heck happened to me?!?

It seems these days I can’t seem to read more than the 140-some odd characters of a tweet or the regurgitated malarkey handed down in oversimplified form from the various online rags that provide their enticing links on the margins of the social media screen. As for writing, you witness here the majority of my prose that isn’t work-related and full of excessively poor grammar due to the time constraints placed upon the response. The truth is that communication requires thought. Well, let me rephrase that. Communication should involve thought. I think we have all seen a good deal of evidence to support the contrary of my first version of that statement. Significant communication should actually provoke a bit of thought, as well. So, when did I become this moronically clicking imbecile who no longer has time to contribute to a better life for myself? When did I become so attached to the technology that holds me captive and makes time pass without notice or accomplishment. I feel like the computer sucks all of my activity away while I sit there passively staring at it.

The sad part is even things that I need to do on the computer: Writing, researching, general maintenance? That stuff ends up getting thrown by the wayside while I click away at pointless games or get sucked into Wikipedia’s connected links of information. Before I know it, a whole day is wasted and I have accomplished nothing that I’d planned. The truth is that I let myself get sucked in, and I need to take active measures to unplug. That’s right. Me, Myself… I need to unplug from the computer, phone, television and go do something analog, involving physical activity. I’m a full grown woman, but I need to set limits like I would for a child on my computer time. AND since I spend a large portion of my day working on a computer, I really need to cut my time spent staring at the box of static images and text even more than perhaps for someone who spends their days in a less logged in occupation. I need to spend more time with books again, they have missed me, I’m sure. I need to go outside and see light not produced by electronics.

So, my brothers and sisters, prisoners in Potatoland, if you are experiencing lost time, unexplained lethargy and plummets into the various wormholes of social media, Wikipedia, and time-wasters; look for a safety line… it might look like an off switch. It might look like a window with sun shining outside. It might look like a familiar face that you haven’t seen in a while and might like to spend some time with in actual conversation. Set a timer for your computer activities, shut it down, and spend some time with any activity that doesn’t require a charger or power source.

Body Image, Health

Physical Fit: Powders and Programs and Pills… Oh My!

May 27, 2015 tananda Leave a comment

I don’t really know about the rest of you, but I personally have noticed an uptick in the sheer volume of adverts and click baits pertaining to the weight loss and fitness realm. I don’t have any empirical evidence, but from the mere narrative perspective, there has been a virtual flood of infomercials and random articles that assault my desperate psyche every day. I shan’t even pretend to review the plethora of products out there. I actually thought of doing just that for a while. I considered actually sampling and trying various offerings from the smorgasbord of fitness fads just to see what was out there, but common sense (and lack of funds) won out on that argument and instead, I’m just going to speak in generalities and the observations I have made of the various pleas to our vanity, health, and desperation that I have made during my own journey of fitness acquisition (and no, I am by no means at my destination).

Powders

The latest and greatest thing that has been suffusing the interwebs and social media has been the various offerings of what I will call the Power of Powders. By this, I mean the health food shakes and protein supplements and general liquid nutritional replacements that claim to support all your health and fitness goals. There are a lot of them, and they all have some similarities as well as having some significant differences as well. There are shakes to help you lose weight. There are shakes to help you build muscle. There are shakes to emphasize muscle definition. There are detoxes and microbiotics and macrobiotics and every other thing that you can imagine. Most contain some type of protein. The claim is generally that the addition of protein will satisfy the hunger on fewer calories as well as boosting the protein to fat and carbohydrate ratio of most dietary habits of the American public. Some are available at the grocery store and others from health food markets or GNC. There are others that are only available by subscription or via an agent (usually a friend or family member who becomes a vendor). The point is that all the shakes and powders generally have the purpose of replacing the solid food meals you eat with a liquid version, packaged in a tasty, milkshake-like solution. Some are actually supplemental to the normal meal intakes for people who are underweight or building mass and not getting enough protein in their normal diet.

I will not say that any of this is a bad thing. I have seen some products out there that have questionable ingredients, but for the most part, the popular varieties out there are not going to do you any harm to try them. Do they all do as they claim? Possibly. However, the important part here is to realize that we are not all of a piece, and you need to do your research (by the way, get used to reading that phrase). People are unique for the most part. We each have similarities. We are generally made of the same basic compounds and genetic codes (unless you are a mutant or have been infused with alien DNA… that is a joke, people, seriously). However, each of us probably has environmental and genetic differences that impact how we respond to various dietary elements; otherwise, we’d all be allergic to peanuts and gluten and lactose and any number of things identically. There are some people that can go completely vegan and be extraordinarily healthy… I’m not one of those… and others who to remove meat and dairy from their diets would cause all manner of problems. People have varying metabolisms and responses to how we use and store the nutrition we take into our bodies. What works for one person is not necessarily going to work for the next one. Sadly, we cannot all afford to go have genetic and dietary assessment to have a nutritionist design the perfect program just for us (wouldn’t that be nice, though). Additionally, we all have different preferences and what suits my friend over here, is not going to be my cup of tea… or coffee rather because any of you who know me are aware of exactly my preferences on that.

So, bottom line on powders? Do not judge your response to a product by how it performs with someone else. Just because Shakeology or Herbalife or Muscle Milk works for your friend, does not guarantee that it is going to be just the thing for you. It may not have the same effect, or you may not tolerate those formulas the same way. Does it mean that it’s a fraud or a scam? NO it does not. It means that the particular product is possibly not for you. Try a different one if you are intent upon a meal replacement or supplement. Just do your research. Meal replacements are governed by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and usually that means they have at least passed some level of testing, but others that are considered supplements do not go through the same rigorous standards (more on that later). So, do your homework first, before your expend large sums of money, and try it for a short span (again, before you purchase a lifetime supply).

Programs

Can I just say that insomnia is possibly the worst trait if trying to resist infomercial sales pitches about fitness programs? They all sound so simple, fun… the pounds will just melt off you in just 10 minutes per day!!! Um, yeah. Not so much, people. However, that is exactly what they want you to believe, and always, it seems, at times of day or night when you are most susceptible. Again, just like with the meal replacement/supplement thing, I’m not claiming all of these programs are fraudulent. I am saying DO THE RESEARCH before dialing 1-800-LUZ-UR-ASS (yes, I know it is too many digits) at 3:00AM and giving Peggy your credit card number. I don’t care how many extra exercise bands in fluorescent pink and lime green they offer to send you if you ACT NOW!

Most of the programs or exercise equipment promise things like “So, fun you won’t even notice you are working out!” and “In a fraction of the time you would normally spend exercising you will burn a gazillion more calories!” If you don’t notice, then it probably is not going to have the results for which you are hoping. Even the least strenuous exercise that results in firmer posterior or decreased inches in your middle make you feel something… usually sore the next day for a while. That’s just part of the muscle training process. When an exercise stops feeling being an effort, it’s time to change the routine and keep the body working. Anything different takes some getting used to, and if you don’t feel a little of “the burn” you probably aren’t causing all those slow and quick twitch muscle fibers to get excited enough to burn calories. Additionally, your body will develop a tolerance to the level of activity and it may not continue to work forever (remember my Plateau piece?). So, beware of the programs that promise results without effort. Chances are that they are going to cost more than they are worth, OR the claims that you won’t notice the effort are drastically underestimated. When you cannot move the next day, those DVDs will just start collecting dust.

There are some decent programs out there for home use. One that has caught on pretty readily (thanks to some good PR, brand name recognition, and target marketing towards wrestling fans and veterans) is DDP Yoga. All the reviews indicate that the program is pretty easy to follow and provides workout that has some decent results, but you know how I found that out? I did the research and read what others were saying… the good and the bad. There are also a number of free programs with YouTube videos and subscriptions that allow you to get new workouts and articles every week, such as Fitness Blender. These usually are simple exercises that you can do at home, and generally do not take more than half an hour (sometimes less) for the whole workout. For those who prefer to go to a gym, ask if there is a trainer that works there. Many places have a trainer on staff that can help design a program to achieve the specific goals you want. Some may have a fee for that service, but others, like Planet Fitness provide this as a free service to members. So, before you dig for your wallet and phone in the wee hours at the behest of the fitness guru touting the efficacy of their Fat Burning Program GUARANTEED TO LOSE FAT, do a little research. Take some time to see what else is out there.

Pills

This one is the absolute worst, in my opinion. We have become, in American society, the pharmaceutical and supplement dream. It seems that everyone is looking for the miracle pill that will make all the negative aspects of our lives go buh-bye. And, yes, that is absolutely a generalization… broad and sweeping and probably doesn’t apply to every single individual in the country, but there are enough of them out there to make it worthwhile for the shysters, cons, and snake oil salesmen (and women) to continue their patter like side show barkers trying to draw the moths to their particular flame. Why on earth would we expend physical energy and restrict eating what we like if we can just take a pill or sprinkle something on our food and make that food skip the storage as fat portion of the program? Sure would be a whole lot easier, right?

Remember how I said I was going to talk more about supplements and the FDA issue? Yeah, this is that portion of the program. Many of the miracle pills and solutions that are advertised for fat loss and weight loss fall into the category of a supplement. They have been categorized as such rather than as a medication or a food which would be governed by the FDA. Again, I’m not going to go through the enormous list of various pills that have been advertised as “fat-melting” or “appetite suppressing”. Most of the time, these little gems are either diuretics (meaning they make you pee, thereby losing water weight), have a form of stimulant suppressing appetite (and making you pee), or have some sort of fat blocking compound that causes your body to excrete said fat (think Olean and some of the “anal leakage” tales). Others are cocktails of vitamins and caffeine that rev your energy levels (if you don’t mainline coffee like I do). Many are pretty harmless for the normal healthy adult, but sometimes, not so much.

Usually, when it comes to the miracle pills, the advertisement or infomercial will spout a mouthful of jargon and sciency-sounding hogwash that includes actual chemicals in the body like Leptin or Ghrelin and pontificate upon some theory of how the manipulation thereof will result in dramatic body-composition changes. Occasionally, there will be some repackaged manure about high levels of Vitamin D or B or Omega 3 compounds for which they will give you a free trial (you just pay shipping and handling), and can cancel at any time if it doesn’t work. What’s the harm in that? None at all, except that they frequently charge your card astronomical sums of money when you forget to cancel the automatic refill and the shipping and handling probably paid more than the cost of manufacturing and shipping. Additionally, because they have classified their product as a supplement, they may not have been over-careful about adherence to health regulations. Be cautious. Sing it with me all together, now… DO YOUR RESEARCH! Be wary of claims that seem miraculous and contrary to the laws of physics and nature. Listen for phrases like “It is impossible to lose weight without this product!” If it sounds too good to be true, guess what? It probably is.

Click-Baits

What are they? They are those eye-catching headlines or lines in your social media feed that say “5 FOODS NEVER TO EAT WILL LOSE BELLY FAT” or “MY SECRET TO LOSING 30 POUNDS IN A MONTH” or “THE HOLLYWOOD SECRET THAT NO ONE WANTS YOU TO KNOW!” We’ve all seen them. Most of us have clicked on them at least once… well, I have, and I’m not too proud to admit it. The problem is that when you get in there, it is all of the stuff I have mentioned above: Some eye-catching pseudo-science with a trustworthy person in a white lab coat talking about their amazing breakthrough that the government doesn’t want you to know, or maybe even some snazzy animated illustrations to explain how their product or program or powder blocks your fat-making body and will turn you into a god/goddess.

In the modern era where obesity has become a disease that everyone seems to catch (at least in western society and the “first world”), people become frustrated and desperate to lose weight and conform to the modern, western view of beauty. The charlatans of the world prey on that desperation and know that most of the people in the world who have been frustrated by their own attempts will not do their own research and prefer a nice packaged version that is easy to digest and understand… and of course will not require too much time and effort on their part. As my friend says, humans will eat the candy if it is packaged prettily and put before them. So many people want an easy way. Others have tried and failed so many times that they are willing to believe in anything if it will let them have some success in their weight loss and fitness efforts.

Ideally, everyone out there should do the work, read the research, understand what they are reading, and try different things until they find the right formula that works for them. But that takes time. That takes effort, and too many people want someone to boil it down to a simple format. They prefer for someone else to take all the available science, assimilate it, simplify it, and regurgitate it in a readily understandable form. Most of the time, the result is crap; boiled-down stinky crap. Weight loss and physical fitness have become the spiritualism movement of the 21^st Century. It isn’t all fraud out there, but you need to debunk the stuff that the charlatans are dishing out. Do the work. Read product reviews (somewhere other than the website owned by the seller or company manufacturing the product). Sift through the technobabble and garbage science, and look for the reputable. Also, watch the customer testimonials. These are generally the most dramatic changes and chosen for that reason. If you read the fine print, you will often see “Results vary” or “Results not typical”. For people who had more than 100 pounds to lose, frequently any change of lifestyle to something healthier will prove more dramatic than for those who have a few pounds to shave off.

Remember, not all the powders, products, and pills (even if they are legit) will work for everyone. So, be savvy and cautious and get fit in a healthy way, AND check in with your primary care physician before starting out on any fitness or weight loss lifestyle change.

Body Image, Health, Rant

Rant: No one is safe from the fat-shaming media

May 15, 2015 tananda Leave a comment

So, I totally got sucked in the other day, like Alice down the proverbial rabbit hole of the interwebs. It started with a perfectly innocent article about iced coffee popsicles (that is innocent, I swear by all that is holy… and by the first bean of the blessed caffenation… ). However, as frequently happens (well, as happens to me that is) a side link caught my attention “GORGEOUS STARS THAT GOT FAT AND HIDEOUS!” (or something along those lines). Try as I might I could not resist the temptation to see this travesty of modern celebrity, and so, I clicked. And I found to my surprise that my temper flared. Once again the paparazzi and media hounds have pissed me off to an extent I didn’t think possible outside political arenas where they have no knowledge and generally speak from their posterior orifices.

Now, I’m going to digress a tad. I’ll try to keep my tangent to a brief ramble. So, bear with me. I have never been what might be considered a willowy sort. I was, at one time called a skinny kid by a grandparent here or there or others of a generation that knew The Great Depression years and thought that being able to see certain bones in a child meant lack of nourishment. I was never emaciated and I was certainly never without enough food to eat. We didn’t have a lot of money, but we had gardens and my mom’s magical abilities to make quite hearty meals appear on the slimmest of budgets. At any rate, I was never one that would blow away in a good wind. I was a solid, athletically built youngster that probably fell in the lower to middle range of those damnable BMI charts… in other words average. That being said, I was never what might be considered thick, either. I tended to be on the long scale. However, with age comes wisdom… and then it presents some more unpleasant gifts. One of those less positive side effects of age is what I will call the thickening. I’m not talking about mere weight gain and adipose tissue acquisition. I’m talking just the pure and simple fact that some of us just get visibly and measurably wider/thicker/whatever as we get older. I believe it has something to do with hormones and genetics and such (at least that’s what all those required biology and human physiology courses I took said), but it is just a fact of life. Neither diet nor exercise will fix it. Some lucky folks seem to dodge this bullet in comparison to their peers, though even they show some change from their own earlier years to some extent. They tend to be those willowy types that no amount of childbirth, years, or desserts seems to change (yeah, I want to stab them, too. It’ll be ok. Just put your head between your knees until the urge passes), but for the rest of us, there is just no avoiding the middle aged spread. We can impact body fat percentages, how we feel, our physical health, muscle tone, and energy levels with judicious dietary choices and appropriate exercise, but despite the efforts we will still never become a bean pole (even if we were in youth). Whether I like it or not, without surgical modification, I am never going to be what I was in my younger years. And with that foundation… on we go.

So, this article/slide show that I happened upon had a title at the top of the page: “Celebrities that Couldn’t Stop Eating and Got Fat…” I started paging through the side by side comparisons of various examples, “Before” and “After” as it were. Both genders were represented. However, the more I paged through the some 30 plus slides, the angrier I became. First of all, there is that misleading title. It brings to mind images of lazy bodies shoving bon-bons in their mouths. At no point was there any evidence presented to support the claim that all of the changes pictured were the product of overeating or food addiction. Secondly, the majority of the comparisons were literally years apart and sometimes decades. Additionally, the “After” shots were by no means grotesque in the majority of instances. They looked like normal people who had traversed spans of time and life events and aged… pretty well actually. For instance, if I was male, I personally would not mind having the physique that Lawrence Fishburne has kept. Aside from that, the disparity between the studio publicity photos and other posed examples given as the “Before” shots and the more candid, spontaneous, and natural “After” shots was glaring. So, I was baffled. Why were these celebrities being shamed? And what exactly is being said by all the negativity?

I also noted that often the females presented not only were “victims” of time, but also had the photos taken after delivering children. Um?!? Yeah! Shame on them for embracing motherhood and pregnancy! I know that some people claim to bounce back, but I dare say there is a LOT of work and self-denial that goes into attaining pre-baby physique, and most NEVER DO! (Think Mammy’s conversation with Scarlett O’Hara who could not attain her former figure with the aid of a corset!) Many of the photographic comparisons were with 30-plus year differences, too. Seriously, people?!? Are you saying that in order to be safe from ridicule, one must maintain the body of the 20-year-old? One that surprised me by truly getting me to the boiling point was a caption in which the author/blogger/snarky-social-commentator made the “witty” chastisement of Gerard Butler on his deteriorated physique stating “Hugh Jackman can do it, why can’t you?” That sent me over the top, and I don’t even like Gerard Butler. Now, for one thing, I follow Mr. Jackman in the social media world (Of course, I do! I am female, appreciate the male form, and still breathing). I witness what it appears to take for him to maintain his Wolverine-like physique. He frequently shares images of his training sessions and dietary choices. This is not your average physical fitness routine. He puts a LOT of time, energy (and likely funds) into looking like that, despite any natural biological gifts and predispositions. Aside from that, who can say what additional differences there are in genetic makeup or body chemistry between these two compared leading men. (Not to mention all those government experimental mutation programs… just kidding). Not that Mr. Butler is any less capable of putting in the same efforts and resources to attain similar physical outcomes, but comparing one to another is just not fair. Besides, the picture showed as the “Before” for Gerard Butler was from the Spartan days… seriously, a still from the movie. Hello? Again, I say “Bad shot!” Let’s see? Movie magical film still with lighting and whatever other special effects vs. photo caught by sneaky photo-stalker with the long lens; not exactly an even playing field. Additionally, that was a bloody acting role people! I’ve seen, read, and heard about what some actors and actresses do for different parts. Look at Matthew McConaughey, Christian Bale, Robert De Niro, Charlize Theron, and Renee Zellweger. That is just to name a few of the performers who have literally changed their bodies by gaining and losing and putting themselves through physical metamorphosis for the purpose of assuming a character. Do you really think that given the timeframes of filming, deadlines, and such that they did that in the healthiest way possible? I can answer that one: NO THEY DID NOT. For many of the stars out there, the physiques and image that they portray come at a sacrifice to their bodies and health (and sometimes minds). Alas, they chose that lifestyle and career, and we have to assume they knew the risks when they signed up. The pressure to fulfill certain expectations and ideal appearance is something that Hollywood has been rife with since the advent of moving pictures. Gerard Butler is no different. He bulked up and got ripped to play a part. Now, because he is not maintaining that same exact body form some little paparazzo/wannabe journalist is shaming him. Did he somehow become morbidly obese since playing King Leonidas? No, he just looks… normal (well, in truth the guy is considered by most to be quite handsome and probably not average, but you get what I’m saying).

So, why do I give two rips about whether the media or one of their vulture-like representatives is bad-mouthing the A-listers? In all likelihood, those celebrities are probably thinking “Hey, attention is attention. All press is good press.” It keeps them in the public eye. So, they probably don’t care that some little whiner is saying that they aren’t brick @#$%houses anymore.

However, those celebrities are often the representation of our ideals in many ways. Even those among us who have been graced with wonderful ego strength, self-esteem and experience no twinge of doubt in the face of external recrimination can absorb some of the societal expectations and approbation to occasionally observe a paragon of physical virtue and think “I want my body to look like THAT!” That sentiment is typically the primary motivation for the majority of people to diet, exercise, and (yes) have surgical procedures. We have an image of our ideal body in mind. We want to look like the modern gods and goddesses of the public eye. We want to be attractive, and to be considered attractive and successful (yes, an attractive physical appearance often results in the assumption of success) according to the cultural norms. So, when some little hopped up photo-blogger or tabloid hack starts bashing someone who wasn’t prepared for a photo shoot and merely looks age-appropriate or like a normal, average human, what does that do in our subconscious and preconscious? Well, if you are a confident specimen who is happy in your life, it may do absolutely nothing… or possibly you believe that it has no impact to your self-perception. You may be correct. However, for the rest of us, it plants a little irrational seed that to be attractive, beautiful, desirable, loved… you have to achieve physical perfection. You cannot age. You cannot participate in the natural human milestones of life. You must conform to the image that the media has designated as acceptable, and the risk is there for making some supremely unhealthy choices just to avoid being too normal.

Health, wellness, fitness, and diet should not be something that is dictated by negativity or the avoidance of external negative perception. It should be something that we choose because it brings us more satisfaction in our lives. So, I say to the nasty little scandal rag jerks out there who love to put other people down (even if it is the Hollywood “royalty”)… Bug off! Or I might start a movement to encourage the victims of those long lenses to return the favor. How will you vultures bear up to the intense scrutiny and critique of your physique?

Here endeth the rant… at least this one (y’all know me too well to think it’s the last).

The New Cheese

The New Cheese: Ballad of a wardrobe moron

April 18, 2015 tananda 1 Comment

I am accessory idiot. I admit this freely, but not without shame. I am a mature, educated, professional woman. I should be able to dress myself to impress (or at least not embarrass). However, I am severely deficient in any fashion sense or style. I can stare at a rack of accessories like a monkey doing a math problem and bring myself to near tears knowing that I will never appear to the advantage and picture of professional confidence that I see in so many of my colleagues in the world. I watch videos of remarkably clever ways to use scarves (that have nothing to do with 50 shades of anything). Even with all the tutorials in the world, I still manage to look like a homeless person who is a cross between the hangman’s victim and an overflowing laundry hamper.

I have gazed with envious eyes at my peers, friends, and (yes) rivals who seem to have that gift for putting together just the right outfit and look that says “See the confident, competent, professional/social, attractive individual… ME!” Instead, I always feel like my appearance say, “Look at me… I just got back from a lynching by Claire’s Boutique!”

It is not that I’m completely tasteless. I hope not, anyhow. I have picked out and assisted in wardrobe choices of others for their important event appearances to very positive outcome, but when I focus my skills upon my own person… Oh the humanity! It is a train wreck, truly. I’ve watched longingly the shows on various networks where fashion experts take some poor unfortunate soul and make them over to maximize their assets and camouflage the less than optimal facets of their figures with, of course, a few thousand dollars as a shopping budget.

Hell, they can keep their money if they would just take me and my aged, hoarder-like wardrobe in hand. Actually they could take the majority of it in hand and quickly transfer it to the trash or donation bin. In fact, if I remove the outdated, holey, and worn through, I’m left with the outfit in which I came into this world … not a pretty picture. Certainly, it is not suitable for business meetings… well, at least not my chosen field of business and none of the meetings I’ve been attending.

In addition to this, I’ve never had the gift that some women (and men) have of looking professional with long hair. You know what I am talking about… untidy bun of hair (not artistically messy), untamed wildness that looks like I just crawled out of bed no matter what I do, or hastily pulled back into a ponytail. My hair will defy any apparatus and all products. It will insist on expressing itself in what appears to be a collection of overgrown vines in the wilderness or a feral human analog. Mainly due to this unsightly and inconvenient characteristic, I keep my hair short. Very short. While there have been other contributing factors to the choice of my boyish hairdo (see The Breakfast Club), I find that I have a much better chance of appearing professional if my hair requires little to no effort on my part. As my hair does not currently lend itself to ornamentation and combined with my stature could appear a bit masculine, I try to enhance my femininity with appropriate jewelry and facial adornment (of the cosmetic variety, not piercings). My makeup tends to be subdued and natural, because the 80’s are over and were not particularly flattering when I was actually living through them. I try to enhance what I was given without appearing to be auditioning for Ringling Brothers. Jewelry is another of those strange issues for me, however. I cannot seem to become proficient in utilizing the various accoutrement of the bling bling.

I am of a rather large framework. I have been told that means that I should scale my accessories accordingly, but I honestly cannot seem to look at the outcome and not see a gypsy fortune teller in the sideshow. Everything looks too big, too gaudy… just too. I have, over the years picked up some beautiful pieces, but I’ve never been able to use them successfully in an ensemble. I get a brilliant idea for a look and assemble it with all the appropriate pieces. Upon looking in the mirror, I generally dismantle the whole caboodle in horror because I cannot bring myself to be seen in public. Another drawback of my stature is that I have to take particular care not to appear too massive or intimidating. Power suits that look phenomenal and so elegant on my more petite sisters in the business world can make me appear like an amazon warrior in a badly staged version of Victor/Victoria. Seriously, I have to be very cautious in the use of too much black or other intense colors. I want to get appropriate attention, not make everyone scurry in terror or hide under their desks.

Never are all my deficiencies so evident to me as when I must prepare for a meeting where there may be a lot of eyes on me, where I may be held in representation for my program and staff as a whole, or when I am trying to make an outstanding first impression. I agonize over the right choices and generally the night before any such event, it will appear to all intents and purposes that my closet has vomited… repeatedly… all over my bedroom. My strategy over the years has been to choose at least three different outfits. Why? You ask. Well, that would be because in the light of the day, the fashion statement decided upon before retiring may not feel like the right statement. So, I give myself three options. I have been, if not thoroughly successful at least not a complete failure.

So, I continue to agonize over my lack of savvy dress sense, but at least I’ve not been naked without my homework anywhere but my nightmares. In the meantime, if any of the hosts of those makeover shows happen to stumble on my blog, please feel free to save me from myself.

Body Image, Health, Rant

Physical Fit: Scathing Rant Commencing in 3…2…

April 6, 2015 tananda Leave a comment

So, I have tried not to become one of those people when it comes to my physical activity and fitness regimen, but today truly tested my metal.

I’ve recently changed up my routine workout schedule. A few different circumstances contributed to the adjustments. The primary reason was my move to a telecommute status for my job that put me within five minutes of my gym. Whereas previously my workout waited until the end of the workday when I stopped on the way home (because my office was inconveniently far from the gym to go during the day), I now have the ability to run to the gym for a mid-day workout break during my lunch hour. Another reason for the schedule shift was that my former choice of the after-work-workout was popular with a lot of people. The gym was crowded starting at around 5:00 P.M. If I didn’t get to the gym before that time, it was very unlikely that I would find any of the cardio machinery (elliptical, treadmill, stationary bicycles, or stair climber) free. The same could be said for the various resistance and strength training machines, and don’t get me started on the circuit training area. Needless to say, with my late in the day meetings, project, and door-knob questions from staff, I rarely got to my gym in time to get my turn at the necessary activities. It was frustrating, to say the least, and a recipe for fitness failure if I allowed it to be. Therefore, my change to a mid-day workout was an unexpected blessing. It is glorious. I practically have the whole place to myself, and I get in a full workout in the time most people get through lunch.

I fear that even this brief period of blessed freedom and isolation in my fitness has led me to a sense of complacency. I’ve become accustomed to my privacy and freedom of the unpopulated daytime gym. I have taken for granted that I have the run of the place. I mistakenly assumed that my frustrations of the gym-etiquette-deficient were behind me. Today, that cherished feeling has been decimated … decisively.

First, I got rather a later start than normal, but I was still at the gym shortly after the normal lunch hour. As usual, my chosen temple to physical fitness was practically empty. I was immediately able to get an elliptical machine for my run (yes, this is how I run because I’m old, and I have knees that still haven’t forgiven me for the mistreatment of my youth). So far, so good. After my usual three miles, I moved to the circuit training area.

I just heard the groans from some of my more dedicated fitness experts among my readers, but here is my defense:
I don’t do the circuit training every day or even every workout.
I do practice “muscle confusion” and switch things up between leg day, torso, abs, etc.
When it comes to a lunch hour workout, circuit training is a great way for me to get in a full body workout to start my week.

Back to my tale… I went to my blessedly empty circuit training area. There is absolutely nothing more frustrating than trying to do circuit training during the busy times of the day. Sadly the circuit training area is the one place in a gym where, for some reason, people tend to congregate and socialize after work (which was one of my frustrations with the after-work-workout). This is a serious problem for someone who is trying to stay in their groove (“Beware the groove… beware the groove…”).

For those that are unfamiliar with the circuit training, it consists of a fenced-in area with a series of resistance/weight machines interspersed with steps or other cardio activity that are laid out in a particular order allegedly to maximize the muscle isometrics (the science jury is still out on that one). The point of this is to work on strength and tone while keeping the heart rate in a target zone. There are arguments in the fitness community about the value of this, but for me, it seems to be a good option (especially, again, when pressed for time). My approach to circuit training, and why it is the perfect solution to a lunchtime workout for me, is to do the resistance machines in order (as one is supposed to do). I generally do three sets of 12-15 repetitions on each one, but I don’t do the steps in between every machine. I usually just monitor my pulse and use the cardio to boost it if it drops out of the target range. The exception to this would be when the circuit training area is totally hoppin’. I then follow the prescribed routine to keep from disrupting the flow for others… or I just avoid the circuit training all together and opt for the other machines or free weights available outside the area.

There I was, in the circuit training and starting to work my way around the area from machine to machine, checking my pulse and using the interspersed steps in between… I had worked my way around to the military press machine and just finished it. I took my pulse and found that I was still in the target range. Completely in my groove, I moved with determination to the next machine. That’s when it happened…

He walked into the circuit training area with loose, saggy (and probably more-expensive-than-they-should-have-been) basketball shorts. Ball cap on backwards and sporting a t-shirt with the sleeves cut out. Before I realized what had happened, he stepped between me an my next machine. That’s right, he skipped the rest of the circuit completely, just cut me off in traffic and sat down to do some bicep curls accompanied by impressive huffing and grunting. At this point, I had the option of skipping past this machine to the next in line or use the cardio step. As I paused to reflect, another of the species came over to stand next to the first and slid into place at the machine as the first finished his set.

Suddenly, I had a completely overwhelming urge to be an ass… or kick one. I pictured myself delivering a champion, thermonuclear wedgie accompanied by a firm flip of the reversed baseball cap perched on the head of the original douchebag. I also pictured walking over and just standing there without saying anything. If either of the Neanderthals asked what I was doing, I would calmly explain the purpose of the circuit training area and excuse their ignorant rudeness as “I am certain that your egos have cut off the blood supply to the part of your brain that governs your ability to read or think or have manners.” My final fantasy option was to go over to one of the empty bicep machines that were just outside the circuit training area and visible to the pair of them proclaiming loudly as I did so, “I wish there was a bicep curl machine somewhere outside the circuit training area!!!”

I, of course, did none of these things, satisfying though they might have been. Instead, I heaved a great sigh, gave them a patented Ginsu-knife-eye-of-the-basilisk-witch-whammy glare, walked to the abdominal area to do some oblique work, and then finished up with another mile on the elliptical. Somehow, while much more righteous and mature, I’m pretty sure the imagined actions would have been a good deal more fun. BUT I would like to be able to continue using my gym, and taking the high road probably was the wiser option. However, for any of you out there reading this, be aware of the people around you and have some bloody manners!

Here endeth the rant… As you were.

The New Cheese

Telecommuting: The Good, The Bad… The Yoga Pants

April 3, 2015 tananda Leave a comment

In the modern marketplace, technology has allowed for a less traditional approach to workspace. Thanks to internet speeds, mobile technology, webmeeting applications, and virtual conference areas, we are no longer bound by boardrooms and cubicles. Telecommuting is the perk… and yes, the curse… of the modern professional.

For those who have known me the whole of my professional life, it comes as no surprise that I have seen the opportunities and trials of non-traditional workspace. In days gone by, I actually field tested some of the earliest incarnations of smart phone technology at remote access sites for internet providers and mobile communication services. I am an unashamed and unabashed geek. At the time, I was totally excited by the prospect of being untethered to office walls and windowless workspaces to access servers from wherever I could catch a decent signal. It felt like Star Trek, and I couldn’t be more pleased to be part of that away team.

As my career path shifted, I entered my current field and as an emergency service worker, my office was mobile. It was often my vehicle. The ethical considerations of confidentiality and security for privileged health information were forever in the forefront of my mind. The technology was improving, but I still spent a good deal of my efforts and time safeguarding actual paperwork and worrying about what I would do if the worst should occur, and I happened to be in an accident that would leave my work unguarded. Other downside of my previous roles involved the definition of “business hours.” Being on call, sometimes 24 hours per day and without recognition of holidays or paid time off led to a little something I call “boundary blurring.” Yes, my job was my life. Part of it was just the nature of the beast. Pagers that went off at all hours and employers that called me whether I was scheduled for a shift or not were just part and parcel of the gig. Crisis intervention, intensive inpatient residential, and critical incident work do not know a 9 to 5 schedule. Besides that, another part of problem was my own work ethic and difficulty establishing a personal life boundary as well as hesitancy in being assertive with bosses that tended to lack respect for life outside the office and the need for personal time.

Sadly, this resulted in what usually happens when the work-life balance is ignored. I became completely crispy. I developed burnout and compassion fatigue accompanied by some not terribly healthy relationship neglect issues. It actually got so bad that for a time, I considered leaving my chosen career all together. This is a common risk for people in the helping professions and for those who work in the first responder fields. However, it has also become a risk for anyone who has a telecommute position.

When I took a position with my current employer, one of the “perks” of the job (according to my colleagues and supervisor) was being able to work from home anywhere from a couple of days per week to full time telecommuting. For many of my coworkers, this was a blessing and a treat. They saved gas, and did not have to brave traffic and weather to sit in a somewhat colorless office space 40 or more hours per week. I was the holdout. I staunchly refused to use my opportunity to WAH (work at home). They thought I was nuts, but I knew myself better. I needed the physical, geographic boundary between office and home. I knew the dangers of the workplace invading my home space. I didn’t trust myself to impose the psychological barrier if the physical wasn’t there as a reminder. So, I continued to leave my office at the office, and my home was free from the work influence and accoutrements of the office life.

Over time, I started feeling braver about my ability to separate myself from the job at the end of the workday. That, and some health issues that presented themselves, resulted in a choice to take advantage of my opportunity to WAH on occasion. I was not telecommuting full time, and I would be found frequently on the couch with my laptop and one or more phones to take clinical reviews, conference calls, and trainings. It wasn’t particularly professional, nor was it very healthy from an entirely orthopedic standpoint. My back and neck would ache after trying to work in that configuration for a day. The additional downside was that my old boundary issues started creeping back into my approach. It was too easy to sign onto my laptop early and get in some work before traditional business hours, or worse, the end of day would come and go and I would always find “just one more thing” that I could do.

That is the danger of telecommuting. You don’t worry about drive times and do not have coworkers leaving for the day to prompt you to pack up your own kit and go home. Being at home already, telecommuters often find themselves working longer hours than traditional office workers. It is just too easy to keep going in the comfort of your own abode. So… I put myself back on office duty. I tend to be a bit of a workaholic as it is. I might work over at the office, but with the prompts of others packing up to go home and saying their farewells, it was a cue for me to wrap things up for the day and head home myself.

I took a promotion with my company (oh, and believe me, I struggled with that decision). The promotion came with a different office and some new staff to manage. We had our own space and everyone worked from that location. There was camaraderie. The work we was and still is meaningful (most of the time), and our group had a good fit with each other. As a manager, I was required to be in the office where my staff were based the majority of the time. There were, as usual with any new program, a lot of long hours, but having the geographic boundary between work and home was good to keep some level of balance. But things change…

The work we did gained a good deal of attention, and the decision was made to expand the program. With that expansion, there came transition. My staff became full time telecommuters. That’s right. They all went home to work. Again, with the program expansion, there were some long hours put in by myself and my colleagues. I found myself in a darkened office alone until 7:00PM or later many nights. As you might imagine, this was not well received by my family. Aside from the actual lack of time, there were some concerns for my safety being alone at the office after dark. Eventually, I allowed myself to be convinced of the folly of staying at an empty office, and I packed up my cubicle and brought my workspace home.

As it happens, it hasn’t been so bad. In fact, it has been much better and more positive than I had originally experienced or feared. However, the more positive experience has been due to some very conscious decisions on my part.

The first was my home office. While I am by no means the champion of housecleaning, I am pretty obsessive about my workspace. I have been teased by coworkers that I decorate my office with a slide rule, but it is true that my office tends to be a good deal neater and uncluttered than the other parts of my life (yes, take that however you may). Most of my day is filled to the brim with multitasking and a lot of technology. So, my workspace tends to be as organized as I can make it, but I keep some comforts and personal mementos around just to soften what could possibly lead to a depersonalized and cold atmosphere. Instead of working from the couch, which previously led to the boundary deterioration as well as a need for chiropractic services; I set up my home office in the spare bedroom that we had been using as a makeshift library (mainly because we have a book addiction). With the help of my spouse, I set up the network and laid out the design much as I had my cubicle at the office. The benefit of this arrangement is that it is organized, neat, and has appropriate space for locking away information for compliance and ethical consideration. Unlike the old cubicle, this space is warmer in style and more personal to me, and the chair is definitely more comfortable. Lastly, at the end of the workday, I can shut the door on it. That is a very important part of the telecommuting culture. It is absolutely necessary to have a space that I can physically leave (even if it is just departing the room and walk downstairs).

Another decision that I made was to change my schedule. Prior to moving my office home, I chose to run and work out at the end of the work day on the way home from the office. It was a good transition and helped me rid my body of some of the physical components of work related stress. Another reason was that the gym was on the way home and too far from the office to make it convenient to go at any other point during the day. The problem that arose was late in the day meetings that interfered with my usual workout time and time zone differentials for some of my staff who may have end-of-the-day questions. However, it became apparent that with my gym being about 5 minutes from my house, I could actually take my lunch to go to the gym. It was miraculous. Suddenly, I could have my run, workout, come home and shower, and I could be back at work in the time most people take for lunch. It broke up the day. It got me off my derrière. It made me a better employee and (though you’d have to ask my team) a better supervisor.

So, what is the downside? Well, there is the whole fashion issue. I’ve fallen into the habit of wearing workout gear the majority of the time. Yes, you guessed it. I am the queen of yoga pants. Now, I have not yet fallen to the depths of wearing them in public (except to the gym), but I have to maintain a very strict watch that I don’t start slipping. I do get up every day and put on different clothing than I slept in, and I consider that a good sign. Another possible danger: I am an introvert. Without the necessity for getting out of the house to go to the office, it is entirely possible that I would never leave. Between working from home and the prevalence of businesses that will deliver food, I could potentially become a hermit. However, my gym time has come in handy for getting me out of the house every day and regular social activity and off site work functions provide enough opportunity to make sure I do get out now and then.

Do I still tend to be a workaholic and sacrifice personal time to the job? Of course, but the truth is that I would likely do that even if I still had an office space outside my home. I try to be mindful of time and boundaries, though, and for the health and wellbeing of all my friends and family, I promise not to wear my yoga pants out anywhere but the gym.

Memories, personal

My Internal Pandora is Stuck on a Loop

March 27, 2015 tananda Leave a comment

Every now and then, my brain has the oddest tendency to get stuck on a particular song. Like a needle on a scratched LP vinyl (for those who remember), I hear the same tune and phrase over and over. It isn’t even that I get the entire piece of music. It is just a short snippet of lyric and note that will wedge itself in my conscious, linguistic portion of my mind, and I am doomed to be singing it to myself all day long. No attempts to dislodge it with other similarly repetitive notes will work. Even when I become engrossed and distracted by the actual productive activities of the day, it is but a brief interlude before… “It’s a small world afterall…” And no, that is not the song that got stuck today. It just illustrates the point so beautifully; not to mention that you are all now sharing my grief with the proverbial soundtrack to the realms of Tartarus playing in your skulls… Muahahahahahahaha!

Ok, so maybe not. It is entirely possible that your will is so strong that the insidious seeds of mental torture are incapable of ensconcing themselves into your conscious and subconscious to play in a never ending loop. You might be one of the lucky ones who do not have the plague of songs waiting to absorb your neural energies with their continued repetition.

I, however, am not so lucky. It could happen at any point. A good many times, it occurs upon waking. There is the random song (or worse, an advertisement jingle) that has just *bamf* appeared in my forebrain waiting to tie up all my verbal processes while I try to get the record in my head to quit skipping and playing the same small section of music and words over and over and over… and over…

It might help me to even understand from whence the stream of notes and syntax has arrived to plague my thoughts. Sometimes, I can almost guess. I figure that I probably heard a random bit of something on the car radio or as elevator music somewhere along the path of my day. Sometimes, it may be that there were just a couple of words spoken with a lilt that called to mind a particular phrase in a chorus or a verse that remains glued to the inside of my head echoing for hours (and sometimes days). It might even be that I just read something in an email or instant message at work or even on social media at some point that excited the neural pathways in the auditory portion of my brain to make it light up like Christmas (because, yes, I am one of those people who actually “hear” the words when I read them on paper or screen). It could be any of these very logical and incredibly rational explanations for why a song gets stuck in my head like a shred of beef jerky between two molars in the back of my jaw, aching until a toothbrush or floss can be obtained.

And then… there are the other ones, the ones that pop into my conscious thoughts for no apparent rational cause. These are the ones that truly make me doubt my sanity and consider that perhaps there really are government or alien entities beaming thoughts into my head… where is my aluminum foil?!? While I’m not quite ready to subscribe to outlandish theories, I really do become extraordinarily curious about how my brain links up all the different pathways to bring those specific words and notes to rattle around incessantly until I want to pierce my own eardrums with icepicks.

When I imagine it, there are flow charts in my head that have yes and no dichotomies in a decision tree that ultimately results in the bizarre and random thoughts that seem to occur as if by magic or divine intervention. The scientific part of me knows that there are links somewhere, somehow… But the childlike wonder in me says “It’s magic. It’s a message.” Today is one of those days.

The song that presented to my brain unbidden was from the movie Meet the Robinsons. It is titled “Little Wonders” by Rob Thomas. I cannot attribute the presence of this musical interlude to any multimedia influence as television and radio had not presented it to my ears. Additionally, I hadn’t seen the movie (though I do like it a lot) in quite a long time. The song itself is one that, despite my best efforts to stave them off, will bring me to a wistful or even morose place. I have actually been brought to tears by this song, though the theme itself is quite positive.

And so here I sit… tune stuck in my head… tearing up, and so very thankful no one can see me as I wail away like a big derpy girl. Why did this one pop in for a visit today? I guess I’ll take the message this time as “Appreciate the positives and take the win…” I guess if we can all learn to appreciate the moment we might stand a better chance of moving forward instead of getting stuck in the past.

Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder,
Don’t you know the hardest part is over,
Let it in,
Let your clarity define you,
in the end,
We will only just remember how it feels.
Our lives are made in these small hours,
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate,
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain.
Let it slide,
Let your troubles fall behind you,
Let it shine,
Until you feel it all around you and I don’t mind,
If it’s me you need to turn to,
We’ll get by,
It’s the heart that really matters in the end,
Our lives are made,
In these small hours,
These little wonders,
These twists and turns of fate,
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain.
All of my regret,
Will wash away some how,
But I can not forget,
The way I feel right now,
In these small hours,
These little wonders,
These twists and turns of fate,
These twists and turns of fate,
Time falls away but these small hours,
These small hours, still remain,
Still remain,
These little wonders,
These twists and turns of fate,
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These little wonders still remain.

(Rob Thomas, 2007)

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