Salary & Skilz

April 25, 2014 Tangent 5 Comments

So I was thinking about something. In my experience, and most especially my experience of late, it seems to me that the subject of salary (how much an employer is willing to pay you to work for them) is becoming more and more of a taboo subject. Yes, we all know that you shouldn’t discuss what you make – and especially not with your co-workers – but what about with prospective employers?

Well, here’s one person’s thoughts on the matter, should you be interested.

Let’s take me, for example. I have a very specific skill set that fits a very specific need in the corporate world. I am an Executive Assistant. Or, an Administrative Assistant. Or Receptionist. Secretary. You get the idea. I possess the skills one needs to support one individual, or several other individuals, so they can do their own job and so things can run more smoothly. In theory. (I’m over-simplifying this. Anyone who has ever had an admin job knows there’s a lot more to it than that and that administrative folks in general usually wear multiple hats.) I know what I can do; I know what I cannot do. I know when it comes time for me to seek alternate employment that I am worth whatever salary I am requesting. Or, alternately, that I am worth more than what an employer may offer me.

So why is it not okay to talk about this up front? During the interview process, why is it always such a touchy subject? Why do the job seeker and the interviewer always skirt around the very subject that is integral to the decision making process? Yes – skilz are cool. Skills are important. Hiring managers want to know what your skills are and how you can put your skills to work for them. But they don’t want to talk to you about what they’ll pay you to use your skills for their company?

Consider this conversation:

Friend 1: So, what’s the salary?

Friend 2: I don’t know yet. We didn’t exactly get around to that.

Friend 1: Why? Aren’t you afraid you’re wasting your time? What if they come back and offer you the job, but at much less than you could afford to accept?

Friend 2: Yes, that’s definitely a concern but I want them to want me for me – for what I can offer them in the skills department – not because they can afford me. If they want me, and want me badly enough, they’ll pay me what I think I’m worth.

Friend 1: Risky.

Friend 2: Yep – but all part of the process.

But what if it didn’t have to be part of the process. What if employers were up front with regard to what they were willing to pay for an employee? What if job seekers could look at a posted vacancy at Company X and know, immediately, if they should apply because the salary was right there for everyone to see?

Consider this conversation:

Friend 1: So, what’s the salary?

Friend 2: $12.00 an hour. Way less than I can afford to accept if I want to stay current on all my bills. I’ve already cut back to the bare minimum. The job itself looks great, but if they’re not going to budge on that salary, I don’t think I’ll even apply.

Friend 1: Well, at least you didn’t waste your time.

Not only did Friend 2 not waste her time, but the employer doesn’t waste his, either, by weeding through hundreds of candidates who applied for a position they might not have gone after if the salary was posted up front. This, therefore, leaves it wide open for the field of candidates who are not only qualified for said position, but are happy at the prospect of said salary.

In a perfect world, right? But it certainly is food for thought.

Now, I’m sure you’re sitting there, after having read all of my musings, thinking to yourself, “Yeah – that’s all great, but now I have more questions than I did when I started. Where do I go from here?”

Here are a few helpful tips:

• Know what you’re worth. Know, in any given market, what a person with your skill-set would make and do your research in advance of any possible interviews.
• Do your research. If you’re changing jobs, changing marketplaces, moving from state to state, or town to town, research the pay scales in your chosen area and be thorough with your research. Not all pay-grades, salary grades, pay scales (whatever you want to call them) are the same. For example: A Pay Grade 30 on the East Coast could be a Pay Grade 54 on the West Coast (I’m making that up, but you get the picture.)
• Consider cost of living. If you are a Pay Grade 30 on the East Coast, is the same salary (remember the example above?) going to be enough to cover the cost of living on the West Cost?
• Have a bottom number in mind. After you know what your salary level is for any given area or market, come up with a bottom number. This is the lowest number, the lowest amount of money you would be willing to accept if offered a position. This way, when you’re negotiating your salary you know when the time is right to accept a position, and when it is time to let something go.
• Consider For Profit vs. Not For Profit salaries. They are not the same, even if you are doing the same work.
• Get comfortable with negotiating. It’s your salary, and really, you shouldn’t be afraid to haggle over it regardless of the look that may cross your prospective employer’s face when the subject of salary comes up. And I believe it should come up whether you bring it up, or they do. You will find an employer respects you a lot more if you’re not only willing to discuss this subject up front, but able to do so in a thoughtful, accurate, fully-researched way. This is where knowing what your worth really comes in handy.

And…to get you started, check out:

Salary Dot Com
http://www.salary.com

Relocation Essentials: The Simple Solution
Cost of Living Calculator
http://www.relocationessentials.com/aff/www/tools/salary/col.aspx

CNN Money
Cost of Living: How far will my salary go in another city?
http://money.cnn.com/calculator/pf/cost-of-living/

The New Cheese

Putting your best facebook forward: Social media in the modern job market

April 19, 2014 tananda 3 Comments

Some of the readers may actually know that technology and social media are actually one of my areas of expertise from a psychological viewpoint. I spent about five years of my life and considerable efforts of research looking at how different people approach technological socialization. However, in that five years, technology changed and the impact of socializing through the internet became a much broader phenomenon than perhaps anyone with the exception of Heinlein and others of his ilk may have expected.

I’m sure some visionary souls saw the implications and potential of the information superhighway, but for the majority of humanity, it was a fad, a fluke, a diversion to entertain the technology enthusiasts. It couldn’t possibly impact things in our grown-up worlds? Could it?

The adventurous back in the early 90’s started creating their own identities on the internet. Between the bulletin boards (BBS) and internet relay chat (IRC) people of all ages were developing handles and becoming personalities around what would become the World Wide Web. Eventually, the urge to express theirselves combined with expanded graphic interface options led to the personal web page. People used hypertext markup language (HTML) to put their words and images up for the internet savvy to see, often accompanied by dreaded musical instrument digital interface (MIDI) files and animated graphic interchange format (GIF). I still cringe at the thought of some of the midi-file animated gif pages that would give you a seizure if you looked too long.

It soon became evident, even to the most itinerant cave-dweller, that the internet was the big thing in communication, commerce, education, and entertainment. Technology moved right along and expanded with faster processing and more real-time interface options. More and more of the regular everyday Joe’s and Jane’s out there, who were not necessarily of the geek persuasion, were drawn to the internet for learning, growing, talking, and shopping. People who may not be so skilled in the languages of the computer were given the same opportunities as programmers with new platforms such as MySpace and Facebook. People could share their interests, their talents, and their enjoyments with like-minded folks… and the rest of the world. No HTML (or any other languages) needed. Businesses found that not only was the internet the place to advertise and sell their wares but also to look for potential employees.

So, where is the downside? Broader market equals more opportunities to find the best options available, right? I wouldn’t argue that point, but along came social media. Gone are the days when your private life is kept private. Imagine what would have happened if J. Edgar Hoover had a Facebook or Twitter account. I’m not here to tell you that social media is the enemy either, but all that desire to express our individuality and free speech (among other freedoms) online have resulted in privacy breeches that make the British paparazzi look restrained. Seriously. As a friend of mine recently paraphrased, “Don’t put anything on the internet you wouldn’t want to see plastered across the front page of the New York Times…”

This is where so many people are failing to truly comprehend the impact of their self-expression. I believe in free speech. I believe in freedom of expression. I also believe that you still need to understand that the freedom you relish is everyone’s freedom, not just yours. That means that others have the freedom to not agree, to tell you to @#$% off, to have a less than shining opinion of you as a human being, and to not hire you as an employee… or discipline and fire you as an employee. What?!? Did she just say that?!? That’s discrimination, you say? No, it isn’t. It is the same right as you demand for yourself applied on a less restrictive basis. You have every right to express yourself however you choose… as long as you are content to experience the consequences, whatever they may be.

The next contradiction I can hear your little keyboards screaming at me: It’s my page! Only my friends can see it, because I know how to use my privacy settings! Well, I will refer to what my friend said about anything you put on the internet, and I will raise you the fact that no matter how private you think you are being about things you put over the electronic airways, once it is out there… it’s out there for good an all. Things that you would never expect to can go “viral” in the blink of an eye and click of a mouse. The only way you can insure that something is not visible to current or potential employers? Make sure it is never on the internet at all.

One of the more recent tactics in guarding the personal from the public has been to use fake names. It works… to a certain extent. Aliases are great, but remember that contrary to common belief, not everyone on the internet is a moron. There is a prevalence of facial recognition applications available. Also, you may have changed your name, but your friends and connections through the social media are not as a whole embracing the alias movement, are they? Adoption of a fake name or alternate profile will baffle some of the more amateur profiling attempts, but a good HR recruiter worth their salt can easily read between the nomenclature.

Am I saying you should avoid social networking via technology and the internet? No, I am not. There are some significant benefits to having an online profile, for many different career paths. Aside from having a social profile like Facebook or Twitter, there are professional social network sites like LinkedIn that provide an excellent resource for job search and connecting with professional recruiters and “headhunters” that can help expand your career options. I am saying that before you take the next selfie or post the next inappropriate meme, consider your potential audience. Employers are taking more stock of what current and potential employees are putting on the internet. Human resources policies have been written to address appropriate content or inappropriate as the case may be. Many employers will take the opportunity to search potential hires to see what profiles appear online. It can help or it can hurt. Keep in mind your professional goals and how your profile can speak to the people you see to impress with your skills and talents. Think about this: What does your online profile say about you?

Because I am also a proponent of neurolinguistic programing and know that the human brain pretty much ignores “no”, “not”, “don’t”, “won’t”, “couldn’t”, “shouldn’t”, and “can’t”; I am focusing primarily on the Do’s and not so much on the Don’t’s.

Do use privacy settings. Just because they won’t keep everyone out or everything in doesn’t mean they aren’t useful. They show that you have some sense of decorum and aren’t permanently on public blast like an exhibitionist.
Do use different types of profiles. For instance, I have Facebook, which I use for what I might call my “private life.” In other words, it is mostly friends and family and people I socialize with outside of business. I share jokes, interests, pictures, rants about traffic and people who don’t observe the 15 items or less sign… you get the idea. I use LinkedIn for my professional profile where I say where I work, include my resume, and I rarely turn down a link on this. All connections can be useful in this job market.
Do use some common sense in posting pictures of yourself or allowing others to do so. Right now, that picture of you participating in the wet t-shirt contest might be hilarious. Next week when a potential employer sees it or the guys down at the break room discuss the size of your assets… yeah, not necessarily the professional image you wanted to put out there.
Do check privacy settings and policies of social networking sites regularly. Updates have been known to change the broadcast options and settings.
Do change your passwords occasionally to deter hackers. The last thing you really want is for someone to get hold of your profile and represent you in a way you would never wish to be portrayed.
Do avoid negative comments about co-workers, supervisors, or corporations for whom you work. Sure, everyone wants to gripe occasionally about the usual trials and tribulations and basic asshatery that we experience in the world of what I like to call occupational hazard, BUT think about how that might appear to others. Even if it is not me or my company about whom you choose to vent your vituperative spleen, I’m highly unlikely to want to employ someone with such a negative attitude, and I may assume you will bad-mouth me and mine in the same way you do your current co-workers. Save the venting for your buddies at the pub like the rest of us.
Do be wary of friend requests from people you do not know on Facebook or the less professional networks. These can be phishing techniques, and they may not be people with whom you would necessarily be honored to have connection.
Do be wary of even private messages to individuals. Take for instance the cautionary tale of the young lady in the U.K. who passed along an email she received from her fiance’s step mother (The Daily Mail, 2011). The bride to be passed the email to a few “trusted” friends and she ended up having paparazzi at her wedding. So, take heed, and watch what you put in any format that might be taken “viral” or used against you in future.
Do searches on the internet for yourself periodically and see what comes up. You might be surprised what you find. Also, take a long hard look and try to see your own profile from the perspective of a potential employer or someone you might want to impress. What would a complete stranger assume about you if they found your profile on the internet?

There are a lot more specifics out there. I’m sure some of you probably have a lot of other tips that I have missed. The bottom line is that once you have put something speeding out there on the information superhighway, you may not be able to throw the breaks on or put up roadblocks to prevent specific people from seeing it. For some, you may not be concerned with the perception of professionalism, or possibly infamy and even bad attention is still attention and works for the career you are hoping to promote. However, if your purpose is to obtain gainful employment in any field where a professional appearance, reputation, maturity, and decorum are part of the “uniform,” you may want to reconsider the plethora of inadvisable selfies or vituperative rants rife with expletives, racial slurs, or political extremism. Your personal profile can easily become a professional nightmare if you are incautious. We’ve come a long way from the BBS, IRC, midi-files, and animated gif pages out there. With all the freedom of expression and opportunities for connection, there are incredible benefits for finding jobs and getting the word out there about your mad skills on a variety of topics. You can attract employers with the right kind of profile in the right places. Treat your online profile the same way you would your interview wardrobe. Make sure you aren’t scaring off your next opportunity for advancement with the wrong impression in your personal profile. Keep it classy out there!

Carolyn Bourne: Mother in law from hell. The Daily Mail. June, 2011. Retrieved from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2009518/Carolyn-Bourne-Mother-law-hell-sends-email-bride-Heidi-Withers.html

personal

A Good Memory is Unpardonable

April 17, 2014 tananda Leave a comment

We met at nine, we met at eight, I was on time, no, you were late
Ah, yes, I remember it well
We dined with friends, we dined alone, a tenor sang, a baritone
Ah, yes, I remember it well

That dazzling April moon, there was none that night
And the month was June, that’s right, that’s right
It warms my heart to know that you remember still the way you do
Ah, yes, I remember it well

How often I’ve thought of that Friday, Monday night
When we had our last rendezvous
And somehow I foolishly wondered if you might
By some chance be thinking of it too?

That carriage ride, you walked me home
You lost a glove, aha, it was a comb
Ah, yes, I remember it well
That brilliant sky, we had some rain
Those Russian songs from sunny Spain
Ah, yes, I remember it well

You wore a gown of gold, I was all in blue
Am I getting old? Oh, no, not you
How strong you were, how young and gay
A prince of love in every way
Ah, yes, I remember it well
~Frederic Loewe, Gigi (1958)

Many people say that we are the sum of our experiences. What makes us who we are as individuals are all the myriad of joys, sorrows, traumas, and enjoyments to which we have been exposed through the years of our existence in the world. From this perspective, it seems that our personality and the core of who we are is more about the sum of our memories.

So, what happens when our memories start to fade? Do we lose who we are with the loss of each experience recorded? Is it possible to change the true being of a person merely by wiping the memory slate and giving them new memories, even newly created ones? Sounds like something out of a science fiction horror show, doesn’t it?

Lately, I’ve been giving the concept of memory and identity a lot of thought. In part, I believe it is because my own memory has been slipping a bit. Additionally, working with people who have varying types of dementia or other brain injury or illness that impacts cognition and recall has made me aware of the differences. I was watching a program on the Science channel recently that talked about memory being part of what makes us who we are. It made me think about personality changes that occur in people with dementia and fictional accounts of people with amnesia who create whole new lives for themselves. What about the ethical dilemmas of punishing someone for their past when they don’t remember it?

More interesting to me was also the social impact of memory. There have been studies that show that memory and recall are heavily influenced by the social impact of peer groups. The details of your own recall can be influenced and even overwritten by the approbation of your peers. It is true. People who were shown a picture of a little boy in a cowboy hat eating ice cream were more likely to get details wrong (for example saying that the boy was not wearing a hat) if they were informed that the majority of their peers answered with the wrong answer. What was even more astounding was that the information that was overwritten by peer pressure was enduring and later the same people got the answer wrong again even when not influenced by the fake social pressure.

So, um… why do we even care about this? Well, it means that details and facts in our memories may not be accurate. They may be just what someone else wants us to recall. Scary, right? It actually started me thinking about social interaction and popularity from the aspect of whether memory agrees with that of the peers around you.

Are people who succumb to the memory peer pressure seen as more agreeable and pleasant than those who might question the details recalled by their peer group? Think about it. So, everyone is talking about some event or occurrence and each witness to the event (as they say on all the cop shows) recalls things differently due to their individual perspective. Listening to the group reminisce, eventually all the stories start to drift towards agreement in detail. All tales resolve to the norm… and that norm is defined as what? That is probably set by the person with the most stock in the story or the highest charisma. Everyone else starts matching their impressions to that person. It is a human evolved characteristic that insured congruence in social groups and structure.

Now, what about the one person in the group who has eidetic memory? Yeah, it is rare, but for the purposes of this hypothetical, we’ll say there is one in every group. They listen to everyone and think, “That’s not what happened?” While everyone else in the group would swear that they recalled the same details as their peers, this one person knows that the details are not correct. Their memory isn’t being socially rewritten. This individual has a choice. They can sit quietly with their psychic dissonance, or they can contradict the group recall. Socially adept individuals will accept the psychic dissonance and let the group continue blithely on with their incorrect assumptions. However, if there is significant repercussions to the accuracy of the recall or if the dissonance is too uncomfortable, the individual will speak up and create a conflict of information. If they have enough charisma, people may accept their details or may even overwrite the incorrect memory encoding, but if not, the person becomes “that guy” or “that gal”. They may be seen as odd or even unpleasant, a troll. They may be ostracized for non-conformity with the consensus of their peer group.

Even in this age of relishing the non-conformist spirit, the truth is that most social groups do not want a nay-sayer. They like for everyone to get along and hold the same opinions. Contradiction breeds contempt and discord. Thus, having too accurate a memory, specifically one that disagrees with the majority, results in social distortion among peers. Perhaps this is the real reason the “nerds” were ostracized in school. Accurate recall is remarkably helpful for making excellent marks in school, but it tends to be awkward when the mean girls know you remember every incident of their rule infractions, remembered precisely when they said something less than erudite, or possibly even recalled a heinous wardrobe malfunction. No one likes being reminded of or knowing that people remember their mistakes or humiliations. The mirror of their imperfections is unlikely to garner affection or esteem.

It is possible that as more and more of our lives are captured digitally and immortalized on the internet that having accurate recall is less of a social blunder, but it is often wiser socially to observe Jane Austen and know that a good memory is unpardonable to the preservation of good rapport in amicable society.

The New Cheese

Dress for Success -or- Professionalism vs. the Interview

April 15, 2014 Tangent 3 Comments

Dressing professionally is never more important than when seeking employment. When a hiring manager gets their first look at a prospective employee – for the sake of this article that would be you – what do you want them to think? Let’s see if I can help you make them think, “Wow! I want that person on my team!”

I am constantly amazed by just how casual this world has become. I have seen prospective employees wearing jeans, t-shirts, flip-flops, ill-fitting clothing, dirty clothing, sporting all manner of piercings and tattoos (more on that, specifically, later) unkempt hair and a general outward appearance of apathy. I find myself wondering about the thought processes of these individuals while they are dressing themselves. It seems to me that in order to get a job – a decent, well-paying, respectable job – one needs to actually care not only about what skills one can offer (which is obviously important) but also how one appears to a prospective employer. A good first impression is not necessarily the most important thing in the corporate world, but it certainly helps.

In my opinion, it does not matter if you are applying for fry cook at McDonalds, a call-center representative, a sales manager or the company CEO – it is always a good idea to dress professionally for your initial interview and then let your employer dictate the dress code thereafter. Also, once dress code has been discussed, stick to it! This, of course, applies to all jobs, unless you are applying for a position with a company that promotes self-expression such as the little store on the corner that specializes in original vinyl recordings or the little bead and yarn shop with the wacky owner, or the trendy art gallery downtown. Even then, it is better to ask how you should dress for an interview than risk showing up in something inappropriate and being turned down solely based on your appearance.

Speaking of the corporate world, I’ve been in it for quite a while now; long enough to have a good idea of what the word “professional” means. And while I may not be a hiring manager, or one who has any say in hiring practices, I have observed much and have had multiple discussions about this very subject with those who are in such positions. I made copious mental notes and serve them up for you now, on the virtual silver platter.

LADIES:

Go easy on the make-up and jewelry. You are there to discuss how your skills can benefit the company, not show them how well you can accessorize or demonstrate your skill with an eye pencil.
Do not wear perfume. Seriously. This one is pretty important, folks. If you must wear perfume, go easy with the application! Keep in mind that many people are sensitive to artificial or overwhelming scents; an allergic reaction can end your interview before it starts. Also, if you have a thing for patchouli oil…just don’t. OK?
Wear clothing that is comfortable and fits well. Clothing that is tight, revealing, loose or ill-fitting is inappropriate. Not only that but if you are fidgeting with your clothes (or jewelry, or hair) during the interview, you run the risk of seeming insincere. It’s okay to be trendy, but make a concerted effort to do it in a professional, well-put-together way.
Wear your hair away from your face. Think pony-tail, French twist, clip or barrette. Having your hair in your face during an interview is a distraction to both you and your interviewer. If you are constantly tucking stray tresses behind your ear, your interviewer is more likely to focus on your movements than your words.
Skirts should be no shorter than one inch above your knee. Seriously. I realize that short skirts are the thing right now and that some companies don’t care if you wear them – but do you know that when you go in for an interview? No, you don’t. Short, tight clothing just isn’t appropriate, so let’s not and say we did.
If you wear a skirt, always wear nylons. Forget comfortable and go with professional and modest.
If you wear nylons, please, for the love of all that is good and decent in this world, do not wear open-toe shoes or sandals. In fact, open-toe shoes, sandals, flip-flops and other footwear such as this appear on the “inappropriate” items list of the dress codes of most professional places of employment.

GENTLEMEN:

Shave. Unless you have a fully-grown beard or mustache, please shave. A five o’clock shadow at nine o’clock in the morning is just lazy.
Make an attempt to tame your Harry Potter hair. If your hair naturally sticks up at all angles, and you have done everything to tame it with little to no success, that’s one thing. However, if you look like you’ve just rolled out of bed…well, I’ve already used the word lazy.
Wear slacks or freshly laundered khakis – with a crease!
Wear lace-up shoes.
If you wear lace-up shoes, you must wear socks. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen a well-dressed man come in for an interview wearing no socks! Do I need to call your attention to that dreaded “inappropriate” items list? Believe it or not, a lack of socks is considered inappropriate on most dress codes.
Wear a button-down shirt. Ironed and creased in all the right places, please? If you do not know how to iron, take your shirt to the dry cleaners well before the day of your interview and don’t forget to pick it up the day before! The cost of dry-cleaning one measly shirt is a small price to pay for looking crisp, clean and professional.

NEATNESS AND GENERAL APPEARANCE:

Wash. Wash yourself and your clothes. There’s nothing worse than sitting in a small room with someone who smells less than awesome.
Clean and clip your fingernails. Yes, believe it or not prospective employers do, actually, look at your hands. They’ll probably shake your hand, too. Dirty or ragged fingernails are a small sign that you don’t really care about yourself. If you don’t care yourself, why should a prospective employer think you’ll care about your job? Details, people! Details!
Iron your clothing. Wrinkled shirts, pants, blazers or any article of clothing only shows that you are…oh – there’s that word again…lazy. No one wants to hire someone they view as lazy.
Jeans, t-shirts, shorts and flip-flops, and sneakers are unacceptable. Period.

TATTOOS & PIERCINGS

I told you I’d say more on this subject. I have no issues with tattoos and piercings in general. Hey, whatever floats your boat, right? And, not to ooze clichés but, it’s your body and who am I to judge? Tattoos and piercings are a bit more widely accepted these days, but tread lightly with prospective employers with regard to body personalization. (Go me with the political correct-ness!) I’m also not saying you should hide who you are – an employer needs and wants to hire the real you – but until they get to know who you really are, do you really want to flaunt that? Well…maybe you do. Maybe you’re a take-me-as-I-am kind of person, and that’s fine. I guess what I’m trying to say is this is a touchy subject and use your best judgment.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT:

Don’t arrive 30 minutes early and sit in your car smoking, or fixing your makeup, or chatting on your cell phone. If you are there early, go in. Let the receptionist (if there is one) know who you are and why you are there. You may even say, “I know I’m early, but…” Most places of employment have a lobby or waiting room and will encourage you to have a seat inside.
Go over your resume so you know it in detail and be prepared to answer for any lapses in employment. (Keep your eyes open for an upcoming article regarding Master Resumes.)
Give a firm handshake. Don’t present a limp or “wet noodle” handshake. You can almost guarantee that you will be passed over for another candidate. Now, the flip-side of that coin is to try not to break your prospective employer’s hand, either. Many hiring managers base their entire opinion of you solely on your handshake.
Eye contact is always extremely important. Look your interviewer in the eye as you shake their hand, as you answer questions. Use caution, however, as too much direct eye contact can be viewed as hostile or defensive whereas not enough eye contact can be viewed as evasive or untruthful. Easier said than done, but try to find that happy medium.
Drive someone else’s car. I realize this one is a long-shot, but think about it. If you drive a beater, or something with a smashed rear quarter panel, or something with a hood that is a different color from the driver’s side door, which is a different color than the trunk, what impression are you making. You know these people are watching you, right? They’re judging you from the moment you pull into the parking lot and thinking about things they could never say out loud, legally speaking. So consider borrowing someone else’s car, or possibly having someone drop you off. This is not to say that once you have been offered the position you should hide what you drive, but just another way to put forth a professional first impression.

THANK YOU NOTES:

Do you really need to send a thank you note to your interviewer? Not really, but it’s a nice touch. This is usually reserved for higher-level positions. Does receiving a thank you note (for your time and consideration) tip the scales in your favor? Maybe. Just maybe.

The New Cheese

The New Cheese: The every-person’s guide to the functional job market

April 13, 2014 tananda 1 Comment

In light of a number of conversations I have had with friends and colleagues of late, it has become more apparent than ever that the world of occupation has changed and continues to evolve. Every day, I still see in the news reports that unemployment and the economy are not particularly healthy in our nation. Layoffs and expenses have hit very close to home for me and others close to me. The impact of losing income and searching for ways to meet the expenditure needs of family have increased my own attention on how the job market and occupation focus has changed since I first entered the workforce.

Additionally, I have recently had exposure to the hiring side of the job market as well. What I saw, to my dismay, is that the ability to compose a coherent resume and the art of the interview appear to be a dying. In conversation with my co-author (yes, Tananda.com is welcoming a new contributor… more about that shortly), I noted that technology has not only changed the function and focus of the occupations available, but it has changed the ways we judge and are judged by employers.

The new job market has presented prospective employees with some challenges in the form of needed job skills and public displays of their private persona in the form of social media. The same job market has presented prospective employers with a dwindling pool of potential hires with an understanding of professionalism that outshines a sense of entitlement. Sadly, the people entering the job market today have frequently never been taught to fill out an application much less build a decent resume, or due to layoffs or delayed retirement due to financial constraints, individuals re-entering the job market are lacking familiarity with new technology and procedures. Even those who previously had the marketable skills and were taught to present themselves in resume and interview find now that they may not have the knowledge they need to put themselves into the current market in the most attractive way, or they are lacking the technological comfort to use all the tools available to them.

The idea came to us that people might actually appreciate a little information or instruction about the new, modern job market including the benefits and challenges it presents. And so… this is The New Cheese. It will be a series of posts from me or my colleague about everything from applying for employment to telecommuting. A series of this breadth and magnitude would not be done justice from a single perspective, and the idea was a collaborative effort as well. My co-author is a dear friend and colleague who has generously agreed to contribute to what I feel is an worthwhile project for helping people navigate the new working world. We hope to include interviews from others who have faced the obstacles of the modern job market, changing career paths, technological advances impacting job function, and mining for gems in the pool of potential candidates for hire.

A new “About” page will soon be available to give you a little more information about my co-author. We are both excited about this series, and we hope that it will be informative, helpful, and even a bit entertaining. Stay tuned…

Memories

Finding Spring

April 13, 2014 tananda Leave a comment

Spring is here

Time for joy

Time for cheer

Little children love to sing

The happy song of spring

For most, there is something inspiring and rejuvenating about spring. The temperatures increase and the light lingers. Yes, some will be complaining about the heat before too many weeks have past, but for that brief glorious time, Mother Nature seems to give us a tiny glimpse of hope that at the end of every difficult time, there can be a reward.

My mother always had a saying about this time of year. She would always say, “Spring is just around the corner!” It was her little way of greeting the new season with a childlike aspiration of starting fresh. In my own childhood, she attempted to instill the same wonder and joy of nature in my heart and mind. To that end, we had our own special ritual. Each year, she would drag me out to go look for spring. It wasn’t nearly as much of a chore or punishment as I made that sound, but as the years passed, it became more difficult to pretend the same innocent wonder that she was able to incite when I was 3 or 4 years old.

Magic often loses its power to awe when you see behind the curtain of how the trick works. As a child I was so excited to find the joy of those signs that spring had made an arrival and summer was on the way. My mother always miraculously knew just were to find it… Yes, I figured out that she had planted the crocus bulbs in that particular corner where they would “wake up” first. However, it never failed to impress me that we had managed to sneak up on the Printemps and catch her just waking from her long winter’s sleep.

Now, passing through some remarkably dreary winter times of my own this year, I wish that I could recapture that sense of discovery and glee at something so simple as a planted perennial. Perhaps it is also that I find myself approaching my own autumn that my mind turns so frequently to my younger days, or perhaps it is that the darkness of my own responsibilities has pushed me to flee to the time when I had none and could truly enjoy the world around me. Whatever the reason, I started noticing some of the little gifts of nature that signal renewal.

Living in the south has its benefits and its challenges, but there is nothing that quite compares to springtime in the south. The glory of redbuds with their almost lavender pink blossoms that coat the branches in beautiful pastel foam; the dogwood in white or pink that line subdivisions and the edge of wooded groves; the glorious riot of tulips and crocus in beds everywhere, and the fields of daffodils that line even interstates. It is as if the whole landscape is putting on taffeta and crepe accented by the faintest green that is only seen in spring. Lastly, the carpet of white and purple violets that most consider weeds reminds me of running and laughing in the days when I did such foolish things as running and laughing…

When did it become foolish? When did I lose the time and joy of just being and noticing?

So, today… I went looking for spring around the corner, and I thought I would share it with you…

Vaping

An Attack of the Vapers… Er… Vapors?

March 29, 2014 tananda Leave a comment

Unless you have been a shut-in with a phobia of all forms of media, you will be aware of an up-ticking trend in nicotine use. It involves the use of the electronic cigarettes. There has been recently and increase in the debate concerning regulation and health concerns regarding the use of these alternatives to combustible tobacco use. Warning, dear readers, this may get “sciency”. I’m not going to apologize. In this particular issue, science is a significant player in the regulation debate. So, with the disclaimer out of the way, on with the show…

What Are Electronic Cigarettes?

The first electronic cigarette, vaporizer, or nicotine delivery system was patented in 1963 (Gilbert, 1965). The devices work by using an electric heating source to heat a solution to vapor state by which it can be inhaled (Czogala, et al., 2013). The liquid solution or “e-juice” is usually a mixture of propylene glycol (PG), vegetable glycerine (VG), and or polyethylene glycol (PEG). These chemicals are mixed with flavors and nicotine. These days, there are a wide variety of flavors. Additionally, not everyone is keen on PG and PEG to which many are allergic and/or it exacerbates asthmatic conditions. So, there are 100% VG versions that do not contain any PG or PEG. The solution of nicotine is also variable these days, generally from 24 mg down to 0 mg of nicotine. The user breathes in the vaporized solution, and exhales mostly water vapor. Unlike other smokeless nicotine delivery systems (gum or patch), the electronic cigarette more closely resembles the feeling of the physical and behavioral aspects of smoking.

With the expansion of non-smoking laws and limitations, the popularity of non-combustible tobacco options grew. There are a wide variety of electronic cigarettes that closely resemble traditional cigarettes. Some brands also have a glowing tip that mimics the fire of traditional cigarettes. There are disposable options. Other options have disposable cartridges that attach to rechargeable power sources. With the increasing popularity of the vaporizing trend, there are a wide variety of power sources (batteries) with varying power charge and time. More advanced options include ability to adjust power and delivery. With these new power options there are detachable tanks that run the gamut from disposable tanks to artisan crafted hand-blown reusable options.

As the number of electronic cigarette users increased, the language also expanded to incorporate new vocabulary associated with the trend. Because the mechanism is vaporizing the solution, the behavior has been labeled “vaping.” The devices have been called e-cigs, e-fags (U.K. primarily), e-hookahs, or hookah pens (Richtel, 2014; The Time Out London blog, 2014).

Why Are More People Vaping?

So, why the up-tick in the vaping trend? In four years, from 2008-2012, the number of e-cigarette sales increased by nearly 7000%. It seems that while the mere restriction on smoking in public places may have pushed traditional smokers to the non-combustible alternatives, this may not be the only reason for the increase in number of vapers. So what are the leading reasons for people to choose e-cigarettes?

Avoidance of smoke-free laws (Koch, 2012)
Convenience (Noguchi, 2014)
Smoking cessation (Pokhrel, et al., 2013)
Health concerns (Farsalinos & Polosa, 2014; Koch, 2012)
Financial (Koch, 2012)

The concern for environmental factors and second-hand smoke made more and more indoor environments become non-smoking. Smoking sections in restaurants, airplanes, hotels, and other facilities became a thing of the past. Smokers were relegated to outdoor designated areas. Complaints about non-smokers entering buildings through a cloud of second hand smoke, prompted building owners and businesses to post boundaries and zoning to bar smokers from proximity of the doors. However, more and more organizations, companies, etc. are moving towards the smoke-free environment entirely. The push has been for users to choose smoking cessation options, such as nicotine gum or the patch. However, the new prevalence of e-cig options have made vaping a more convenient option. Vapers can remain at their desks (in places where vaping indoors has not yet been banned) rather than being pushed into the weather for their break (Noguchi, 2014).

Some people saw the e-cigarette as an alternative to smoking cessation (Koch, 2012; Pokhrel, et al., 2013; Richtel, 2014). While there is a significant lack of evidence to support the efficacy of e-cigarettes as a smoking cessation intervention; people still believe that vaping is a viable alternative to nicotine gum, the patch, or other pharmaceutical options.

Even for those who do not desire abstinence from nicotine, there are aspects of vaping that have smokers switching in hopes of improving their health (Farasalinos & Polosa, 2014; Koch, 2012). Detractors have argued that there are still dangers and volatile chemicals associated with the vaping process that endanger the health of humans (Koch, 2012; Reasons Supporting Regulation of E-Cigarettes, n.d.). Additionally, nicotine is still a poison and can be dangerous to anyone inhaling, ingesting, or absorbing transdermally (Glatter, 2014). Nicotine toxicity is a concern for those handling the nicotine infused e-juices. Additionally, the risk to children who might mistakenly consider the intriguing smells and colors to be something edible supports the push for child-proof closures on e-juice containers. The detractors also are concerned with the second hand vapor expelled into the environment. However, much to the chagrin of those who want to claim harmful effects of vaping as being as dangerous as combustible tobacco, what little research is out there has shown that the negative effects of vaping on the primary user and the innocent bystander from second hand exposure are a fraction of what would be experienced with traditional smoking (McAuley, Hopke, Zhao, & Babaian, 2012; Noguchi, 2014). Studies have shown that there is still some nicotine expelled in the vapor resulting from e-cig use, but that it is ten times less than the amount found in traditional combustible cigarette smoke making it less harmful to those exposed second hand (Czogala, 2013). Additionally, there is none of the “side smoke” (fumes from the burning tip) that occurs with puffing a traditional cigarette. Goniewicz, et al. found in 2013 the levels of other toxicants to which vapers are exposed were 9-450 time lower than by traditional cigarette smoking. Most sources acknowledge that the research is just very limited at this time and more time and studies are needed to examine the long term effects.

There are many anecdotal accounts by former smokers who have reported that vaping has improved their own perceived health (Koch, 2012). Vapers indicate that the traditional “smokers’ cough” disappears after a short period. An unexpected development for some former smokers switching to vaping is a return of their olfactory sense. One former smoker/new vaper stated, “I went outside to sit and vape and smelled something. I couldn’t identify what it was, but it didn’t seem very pleasant. After looking around, it finally dawned on me… I was smelling the ash tray [that was still sitting on a table for smoking guests].” Because the oral behavior and nicotine are present, many report that they have not seen the weight gain that accompanies other types of nicotine replacement systems, and even though there is no current research supporting vaping as an effective smoking cessation method, the ability to step down the e-juice nicotine to zero might provide options for those who wish to break their nicotine addiction (especially for those to whom the “ritual” of smoking is as important as the actual chemical addiction).

One of the other major foci of the people against vaping has been the aspect of vaping as a gateway for young people and the behavioral aspects of the trend. Several outspoken antagonists of the vaping trend say that the “candy” flavors and colorful packaging target the young (Richtel, 2014). Additionally, the non-smoker rights movement have viewed the vaping trend as setting back smoke-free society by decades by “making smoking seem acceptable” again (Reasons Supporting Regulation of E-Cigarettes, n.d.). The argument is that the “mimic behavior” of vaping is just going to draw more people to the smoking behaviors, and nicotine addiction will keep them there. The lack of federal regulation leads detractors to fear the marketing of these items to teens and children.

Finally, the last reason on this list is the financial perspective. E-cigarettes present options that are far less expensive than smoking (Koch, 2012). With the cost of cigarettes and “sin tax” making the price of combustible tobacco rise astronomically, vaping provides a significantly less expensive alternative. Even with the cost of starting (purchase of power source, tanks, and e-juice), most vapers find that the choice to vape instead of smoke significantly decreases the amount of cash expenditure monthly. Let’s look at an example of an average user:

Assuming a moderate smoker as a pack of cigarettes per day use, this averages approximately a carton of cigarettes per week. Obviously, the cost of cigarettes varies significantly from state to state, but for this exercise, we will use the prices from Tennessee. Cartons of cigarettes vary in price. The range is somewhere between $36-70 depending on brand. Taking the cheapest option as the choice, a carton of cigarettes per week gives us about $156 per month or $1872 annually. This does not include accessory costs (lighters, lighter fluid, flints, etc.); or incidental costs of accidental burns in clothing or upholstery, smokers deposits (some rental agreements), and cleaning costs of ash and smoke in clothing and environment. For this case, we will calculate cost based on one of the mid-range electronic cigarettes known as the “hookah pen.” This particular model includes a battery with removable tank that charges using a USB connector. The basic start-up kit at the local vapor emporium includes one power source, charging adaptor, one disposable tank, and one 10 ml bottle of e-juice; all for $30. Disposable tanks cost $5 a piece and last between 10 and 30 days depending on intensity of use. However, there are alternatives. There are also rebuild tanks that cost $5 new and have replaceable coils for $2. Coils last about the same time as disposable tanks. The e-juice is the primary consumable in this process. From speaking with vendors and vapers, a 15 ml bottle of e-juice is the approximate equivalent of a carton of cigarettes. This amount varies person to person according to reports. Factors that impact usage are nicotine load in the e-juice, prior smoking rate before switching, and behavioral differences in drawing vapor/smoke. In general, the cost of e-juice runs $8-10 per 15 ml bottle. Right there, you have a comparison: One carton of cigarettes, $36; the equivalent amount of e-juice, $8. To take it a bit further, let’s follow our new vaper/former smoker for a year. At the end of a year, assuming the pattern above, the smoker would spend approximately $2000. For the equivalent vaper, the annual spend would be (including start-up, additional tank purchase, and coil replacement) $473. That is a difference of $1527.

Would it be an even greater savings to quit smoking or vaping all together? Of course it would. However, for those who do not want to stop the “ritual” or abstain from nicotine, vaping provides a fiscal alternative that is far less offensive to the bank account. Now, keep in mind, these things are not currently federally regulated or taxed. Some states are imposing their own taxes, and sales tax is definitely applicable (Koch, 2012). If regulations are implemented, it is possible that the cost of vaping may increase, especially if those already lobbying against vaping succeed in their efforts. The inexpensiveness is another point they make in the risk to teens and young people for whom the cost of cigarettes has exceeded their lack of adult income.

To Vape or Not To Vape… What Was the Question?

So, what is the conclusion? There is no doubt that more research is needed. The long term effects of vaping are, as yet, unknown. There may be health impacts that we have not seen. It is still not recommended to expose children or pregnant women to electronic cigarette vapors, actively or passively. Nicotine is still a poison, and unless you are using the zero nicotine e-juice, you are still inhaling this chemical. Additionally, the danger to anyone ingesting or transdermally absorbing the nicotine solution can be significant. E-juice should be kept away from children, and vapers should always wash their hands after filling tanks to prevent accidental overdose exposure. However, as noted in the studies mentioned here, the levels of carcinogens and harmful toxicants are significantly less for e-cigarette use than for combustible tobacco. The second hand risks and impact to the environment are also decreased. Financially, at least for now, vaping is less expensive than smoking. The trendiness of vaping, along with the flavor and color associated may draw younger people. However, as with all trends, the potential for long term use may be less as the newness wears off. Since it is possible to vape without any nicotine in the e-juice, those choosing to vape initially as opposed to switching from traditional cigarettes do not face addiction risk in the same way. Also, with the capability of stepping nicotine down, it is possible for former smokers to break their own addiction to nicotine while still participating in the behavioral “ritual” of smoking. The biggest deterrent for anyone considering vaping is that there really is just not enough research to indicate what the risks and benefits might be.

Bottom line is that for those who do not smoke, vaping is an unnecessary habit to form. For those who smoke, weigh the pros and cons and do your research (there are articles listed in the references as well as links for organizations that have more scientific research to offer). Think about your reasons for switching. If it is for health reasons, set yourself a timeframe and think about the step down process. Keep a calendar and stick to it. Remember that nicotine is a poison. Keep e-juice out of reach of children and pets. For those who are looking at the financials, watch the news and be aware that regulations may decrease the fiscal benefits of vaping. Also, watch out for the “shiny” aspects. There are a lot of toys, gizmos, accessories, and flavors of e-juices that go with vaping. You aren’t saving if you are buying all the latest “shiny” new things.

Examining all the various arguments for and against as well as observing the phenomenon first hand, my own leaning is that vaping is positive option for smokers. It can save money. Vapers smell better (both the individuals and their own olfactory sense). Until research proves otherwise, I believe that this new trend is a better option for those who are forced or would like to avoid combustible tobacco but aren’t ready to let go of the “ritual.” For those who do not need the “ritual” but want to quit, there are viable options in the form of gum, patches, and pharmaceuticals. And for those who are just fine with their tobacco in fiery form, enjoy while you can as the non-smoker rights advocates chase you from pillar to post.

I know that this has been a very long post, but I hope that it has presented useful information that will help any of those teetering on the brink of decision.

References

Czogala, J., Goniewicz, M., Fidelus, B., Zielinska-Danch, W., Travers, M., & Sobczak, A. (2013). Secondhand exposure to vapors from electronic cigarettes. Oxford Journals: Nicotine & Tobacco Research, doi: 10.1093/ntr/ntt203

Farsalinos, K., & Polosa, R. (2014). Safety evaluation and risk assessment of electronic cigarettes as tobacco cigarette substitutes: a systematic review. Therapeutic Advances in Drug Safety, 5(2), 67-86.

Gilbert, H. (August, 1965). Smokeless non-tobacco cigarette US Patent 3200819 A. Gilbert Herbert A. Retrieved from https://www.google.com/patents/US3200819

Glatter, R. (2014). The real dangers of liquid nicotine. Forbes (online). Retrieved from http://www.forbes.com/sites/robertglatter/2014/03/24/the-real-danger-of-liquid-nicotine/

Goniewicz, M., Knysak, J., Gawron, M., Kosmider, L., Sobczak, A., Kurek, J., Prokopowicz, A., Jablonska-Czapla, M., Rosik-Dulewska, C., Havel, C., Jacob, P., & Benowitz, N. (ABSTRACT, 2013). Levels of selected carcinogens and toxicants in vapour from electronic cigarettes. Tobacco Control, doi: 10.1136/tobaccocontrol-2012-050859 Retrieved from http://tobaccocontrol.bmj.com/content/early/2013/03/05/tobaccocontrol-2012-050859.abstract

E-cigarettes and coffee at London’s Vape Bar. (March, 2014). The Time Out London blog: your daily guide to city life, news and culture. Retrieved from http://now-here-this.timeout.com/2014/03/26/e-cigarettes-and-coffee-at-londons-vape-bar/

Koch, W. (September, 2012). E-cigarettes: No smoke, but fiery debate over safety. USA Today. Retrieved from http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/story/2012-08-18/electronic-cigarettes-smokeless-vaping-risks/57121894/1

McAuley, T., Hopke, P., Zhao, J., & Babaian, S. (2012). Comparison of the effects of e-cigarette vapor and cigarette smoke on indoor air quality. Inhalation Toxicology, 24(1), 850-857.

Noguchi, Y. (March, 2014). Ok to vape in the office? Cities, feds and firms still deciding. NPR Shots. Retrieved from http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2014/03/21/291139371/ok-to-vape-in-the-office-cities-feds-and-firms-still-deciding

Pokhrel, P., Fagan, P., Little, M., Kawamoto, C., & Herzog, T. (2013). Smokers who try e-cigarettes to quit smoking: Findings from a multiethnic study in Hawaii. American Journal of Public Health, 103(9), e57-e62.

Reasons Supporting Regulation of E-Cigarettes (n.d.) Retrieved from http://tobaccofree.ucsc.edu/pdf-only/regulating_ecigarettes.pdf

Richtel, M. (March, 2014). E-cigarettes, by other names, lure young and worry experts. The New York Times (online). Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/2014/03/05/business/e-cigarettes-under-aliases-elude-the-authorities.html?_r=0

More Resources

Scientific and Medical Information on Electronic Cigarettes, National Vapers Club – http://www.vapersclub.com/science.php

Smoke-Free Alternatives Trade Association (SFATA) http://www.sfata.org

personal

Careful, Girl! Your “Old” is Showin’

March 25, 2014 tananda 2 Comments

No one ever expects it. Rather the opposite, we all assume that we will never say and do the things we observed in our parents, grandparents, elders of whatever relation. It was as obvious to me as I am certain it is (or was) to all of you that, unlike those we observed, we would be more likely to perish of terminal coolness and hipness and general with-it-ness than fall into the bear trap of cliché and caricature from which the likes of Walter Matthau and Maxine derive their entertainment value.

I have blithely progressed through my life, certain that I would never lose touch with the modern set. I would be able to understand and connect with people of all ages using understanding and open-mindedness (something I was absolutely certain my parents and other forebears never obtained). And then… something changed. I don’t know exactly what it was. It was as if an alien entity entered my very being and I awoke to hearing a horrific cacophony from my own brain, “Hey you kids! Get off my @#$% lawn!” Ok. Maybe not literally, but it might as well have been. I found myself saying things like, “What has happened to…?” and “When I was starting out…”

I was horrified. I seemed to have no control of it. The vile ramblings would spew forth as if from an octogenarian fount of crotchetiness. Where in the name of all that I hold holy did this awful despair of the human race come from?!? Sadly, I have become that which I never expected… I’m an old codger. Oh, the humanity!

We’ve become a very casual society. I’m not entirely sure what did it. It might be the fast pace. It might be that as a society we have become more interested in the inside of the person than the superficial appearance of geniality. It might be that in the age of widespread technology and decreased privacy, there are no secrets and therefore no need to put on airs and facades. It might be any or all of these… or it might be something else entirely; something that we have lost through the passage of time and lack of patience, something that has lost any importance and meaning lost to history, like a relic or the Antikythera mechanism.

I am talking about manners and self-concept and, yes, even to a certain extent fashion. I can almost hear the clicks of people shutting down this browser window. I can hear the arguments brewing and desperately wanting to talk over the words on the screen. “We don’t need some antediluvian set of social conformity rules to guide our behavior! Go back to your cave, you old crone!” However, I will just say that I become nostalgic for some of the finer interactions of days gone by. I miss the days when people waited for their turn to speak and listened when someone else was speaking. I miss having dinner or any meal or serious conversation without someone checking their phone in the middle of it. I miss having events or social engagements where it was expected that you would wear something other than jeans and a t-shirt. I miss the days when people actually felt some remorse for hurting the feelings of others, instead of the entitlement of those who live by “YOLO” and the value of not caring about what people think… or feel.

I find myself falling in with the pattern of society and failing to observe what might be considered just common good manners, but then again, good manners appear to be about as common as common sense… in other words, not so much. As much as I abhor the lack of good grace by which we all seem to live in these modern times, I cannot deny that I am easily as much at fault in my own manners. My language inclusive of way too many slang words and too few apologies. I catch myself paying more attention to my electronics than the breathing beings around me. While I am actively trying to be mindful, I catch myself speaking over others or interrupting them because I feel too rushed to take the time to just listen. I am culpable. And I don’t like it. I do not want to join the crowds of “me” generation who don’t care about the feelings of others. I want to remember and experience what it is like to engage in pleasant social interaction with people who value the companionship chosen, not merely as an audience for a game of “Look how clever am I”.

It is not that I fear change (hush up all of you who know me and will contradict this statement emphatically…). Ok, so maybe it is. I didn’t used to be. What happened? I really can remember a time when I would dive in head first to the unknown. And… that is stretching the truth as well. Now, I’m getting depressed. Was I always so reserved and hesitant? Perhaps, that is the sad truth. Perhaps I was raised by someone who believed that good manners were not a luxury. Perhaps I was encouraged to engage in the niceties because they are not just superficial, they are a sign of respect for yourself and for your companion. Perhaps, these weren’t such worthless lessons to absorb. Are some of the trappings of society superficial? Of course they are. However, they represent something that we seem to have lost. They are small ceremonies of respect that we show the people who fill our daily lives. When we fail to engage in those small ceremonies of respect for those around us, those around us may fail to show us the same respect. When no one respects each other, we may start to absorb that disrespect and lose respect for ourselves, no matter how entitled we feel.

I guess that may make me old fashioned. I would like to continue interacting with the people around me with respect, for them and for myself.

Ah, but watch out girl! Your ‘old’ is showin’.

Is it? I can live with that.

personal

The Breakfast Club

March 18, 2014 tananda 1 Comment

I apologize to my loyal few for the delay. I will only say that I have experienced some internal resistance recently. I will warn you that this entry departs strongly from my usual style. It may also feel a bit more intense than my usual entries.

Walking into the waiting room, it was subdued, more than usual. It was not that the day was gray and sullen, though it was. It was not that it was early, but it was. There was a difference in the mood. It was the same room where I had been spending mornings periodically with varying frequency for going on half a decade. The room was familiar as was almost every face. But today, something was different.

I signed in and took my seat. Occasionally, the loud clear announcement from the phlebotomist would request the presence of one of the occupants of the room to provide their blood sacrifice into the plethora of vials and tubes that would be delivered to the lab for quantifying and assessing. One of the volunteers came through the room stopping and asking “How are you doing today…?” to all in passing. Occasionally, she would spend a bit more time with this person or that because she had some knowledge of their personal life. However, the question seemed on this day less of true interest and more the mechanics of habit.

I lifted my eyes to scan the room. Closest to me, a frail, fragile lady with immaculate white hair and bones so visible that they appeared to almost cut through the skin sat next to what appeared to be her daughter. The daughter kept up a whispered commentary, but her delicate companion fidgeted with an antique gold and diamond ring too large for her right hand with the left hand which sported a tiny engagement and wedding set, the kind that was favored in the days when a tiny chip of a diamond would have been the equivalent of a crown jewel. I could only imagine that the giver of these treasures had long since passed. Beyond this pair was another lady, skin bruised and slack on the frame of her bones. A cane balanced against her knees indicated the possible source of all the purple patches marring the skin of her extremities, but it could also be the result of intravenous punctures for any variety of causes.

Across the room, a new couple sat close together. By their physical behaviors, it was evident the wife was the patient. She appeared resigned, holding her records, but next to her, the husband hovered protectively and uncomfortable, in truth unable to protect her in this instance from her attacker. The door opened to admit two ladies. In my head, I’ve always called them “Dorothy and Rose”. The one is tall, almost masculine but stylish. Her build would have once been athletic. Her friend is of a more petite stature, with curves and more femininity. It is “Rose” who is the patient, but “Dorothy” always accompanies her, and they always bring their coffee, purchased from an expensive franchise. While it is possible that neither lady would miss the cost of a latte, it is also likely that this is the weekly carrot that rewards the acceptance of the stick of treatment.

An elderly gentleman, who has a volume control issue, wears overalls and an engineer’s cap. He is back for his third round of our shared experience. We are all aware, as he is not shy about sharing, but we are all also aware that this is likely his last chance. His attitude is always positive, and his loud voice is never raised with complaints, though I know how often pain is his companion, as much as the younger man seated on his left.

Resuming my scan of the room, I mark an absence from our morning gather: An elderly gentleman who had been present every Wednesday since my initiation to the club. He was always cheerful, despite evident discomfort and occasional shortness of breath. He was usually accompanied by his daughter, and they always sat in the same seats. We all did. It was if by general consent we had assigned seats. Their seats were empty, and no one sat there. Even new people avoided the chairs as if there was an invisible barrier preventing it. Perhaps he just recovered, I told myself. I understood now the change in the atmosphere. I had seen it before. None of us asked the question, but we all knew what the absence meant. The subdued tones of the staff confirmed our suspicions. We all just sat quietly and waited.

Loudly, startling everyone in the room, my name is called. I walk back to be installed my recliner. The room is always so cold. Scattered about the room, others have taken their places. One elderly man dozes under a blanket while the IV monitor continues to pump the toxins that are meant to prolong his life. I patiently await my own turn. The nurse comes to my side and goes through the ritual of verification. I prepare myself for the sting and pinch as vehicle of administration is inserted into the crook of my arm and the bags of pharmaceuticals hang to pump into my body. I can feel my arm going cold and slightly numb. The feeling of fatigue and nausea begin, and I attempt to distract myself with reading or social media on my phone. Across from me, the fragile lady sits in her own recliner waiting for her own treatment. She sips on a cup of some fluid and begins to choke as the liquid, due to her weakened physical state and damaged swallow reflex, attempts to enter the wrong pipe. Her daughter attempts to assist her. Staff quickly assemble equipment to help with the oxygen deprivation. The woman meets my eyes, and I see her panic like that of a drowning victim. I forget about the discomfort in my arm and disorienting feelings caused by the chemicals. I can only see the terror in those eyes as she struggles to cease the spasms in her throat and get enough oxygen to her body.

What makes it all worse is looking around to others who, like me, want desperately to help, but we cannot move, tied to our own seats by the tubes and needles that connect to the bags of chemical assault upon the diseases that have overtaken our bodies. So, instead, we sit impotent and weak and watch the struggle.

How selfish and self-centered am I? Having my private pity-party with my discomfort and anger. I watch as the woman clutches at the breathing mask and tries desperately to get the spasms to quiet and oxygen to her system. Slowly, the terror recedes to exhaustion and slight embarrassment at being the center of so much attention. The activity returns to normal, and conversations start up around the room, softly at first and then increasing to normal volume. They talk about travel and family and hobbies. No one talks about the nausea and the night sweats and the hair that comes out in greater amounts with each passing treatment. We all know. It isn’t important.

Life is what is important to these few. The people they love. The people who love them. The daughter now carefully watching her frail mother breathing more comfortably now, and the son who sits quietly beside his dozing father. The friend who crochets a newborn’s skullcap while her friend slips in and out of consciousness to the ticking and drip of the IV. And the solitary woman who sits quietly and observes. Is it better to struggle against futility to extend the hours of life upon the earth merely for the sake of existence, or might it not be better to spend the time more wisely in the pursuit of a worthwhile goal though it shorten the span of time? For these, the choice is made. Every extended moment with those they love is worth the fight. And with that, I find that it is remarkably easy to let go of a lot of things that take more energy than I have to give. I find that there is only so much room in my life for the petty and self-important. I have enough drains on the energy that sustains me, and I feel that my time and activities are spent better with those who fill that void rather than further drain it.

The following is not my own creation, but I found it to be extraordinarily poignant, appropriate, and wish to share it with all of you:

She let go.
She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of the fear.
She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.
Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice.
She didn’t read a book on how to let go.
She didn’t search the scriptures.
She just let go.
She let go of all of the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go.
She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.
She just let go.
She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.
She didn’t call the prayer line.
She didn’t utter one word.
She just let go.
No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort.
There was no struggle.
It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore…

~ Rev Safire Rose
via Devi Moksha
www.awakeningwomen.com

personal

Diagnostic Evaluation of ‘But First’ Disorder: The Epidemic

March 11, 2014 tananda 2 Comments

It was a joke between my father and me. It was a collection of observations we made over the years. Many of our family members actually praised the organizational skills of my father. My mother frequently noted wistfully how much more disciplined I am that she. Dad and I knew what it was. It was the ‘but first’ disease.

The ‘But First’ disease is a remarkably prevalent disorder in the general human population. There are acute and chronic versions. It is a degenerative disorder and can become more chronic and severe with age. Here is a general case study of the criteria for this common disorder as described by an anonymous sufferer and disseminated to the internet in the early BBS days:

“I call it ‘But First’ Syndrome. You know. It’s when you decide to do the laundry. So you start down the stairs with the laundry, but then see the newspapers on the table. OK, you’ll do the laundry.

BUT FIRST you decide to put the newspapers away. So on your way in to put the newspapers away, you notice the mail on the table. OK, you’ll put the newspapers away.

BUT FIRST you’ll pay that bill that needs to be paid. So you look for the checkbook. Oops…there’s the baby’s bottle from yesterday on the floor. OK, you’ll pay the bill.

BUT FIRST you need to put the bottle in the sink. You head for the kitchen. Darn it, there’s the remote for the TV. What’s it doing here? Okay, you’ll put the bottle in the sink.

BUT FIRST you need to put the remote away. Head for the TV room.

Aaagh! Stepped on the cat. Cat needs to be fed. Okay, you’ll put the remote away.

BUT FIRST you need to feed the cat…

So, here’s what happens at the end of the day: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, bottle is on the table, bills are unpaid, checkbook is still lost, and the cat ate the remote control …

And, when you try to figure out how come nothing got done all day, you are baffled because …..you KNOW you were BUSY ALL DAY!!

That’s the ‘BUT FIRST’ Syndrome.”

~author unknown

I have for years blithely watched as various family members struggled with deadlines and due dates and arrivals and departures. There was always the last minute scrambling that occurred before heading out to any planned event. I always marveled at the frantic actions that accompanied any scheduled departure. I was baffled at the inability of so many to actually have a “To Do” list and yet fail miserable to get any item on it “Ta Done”. I believed myself to be immune to the plague from which so many suffer.

And then it hit. I’ve never really known whether it was age or stress or various life events that activates the “but first” disease, but it has hit me… with a vengeance. Along with the described progress of the disorder above, there is an accompanying cognitive disruption that culminates in a glorious confusion that prevents you from remembering exactly what you were even supposed to be doing or where you might be on the vaunted “To Do” list. I now find myself in the mortifying circumstance of mirroring the behaviors and symptoms previously regaled. I will share with all of you, my dear readers the criteria for this sad epidemic in our midst.

“But First” Disorder Diagnostic Criteria

A blog about a few thing I picked up along the way… Hey driver, where are we going?!?