Category Archives: The New Cheese

The New Cheese

Pie and the Dalai Lama: Writing Bios

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No… not BIOS. Different topic. Not my bailiwick. Well, it sorta used to be, but I digress. That’s not what I’m talking about. Bios. Biographical content. Those little blurb things that people put on dust jackets and seminar packets and programs for lectures and playbills. Those witty little summaries that people seem to put together that takes all of their life and interests and rolls them into a 150-word attractive package to let anyone interested in more than just the content of the book, lecture, or entertainment production know the real person behind it all. There are at least two of said bios in the About section of this blog. I think maybe all of 2 people have actually read mine. It is, as I said, probably the least interesting part of the whole shebang so… not necessarily worth the read. However, for ALL of the people who would rather know who is typing this drivel, the information is there in pithy commentary laid out to give you the snapshot of who I am.
That said. I HATE WRITING MY OWN BIO. I always do. I generally believe I suck it at, and what do I say? Seriously? No one wants to know about me. Hell, I wouldn’t want to know about me, either. I’m boring. I talk about neurochemicals and the dopaminergic response to antipsychotic medications. I occasionally discuss Dr. Who and Star Trek and many other terribly nerdy things. I obsess about books and… sadly, work. I talk about my cat and spend way too much time considering whether he thinks of me as a food source (the jury is still out).

Therefore, when it comes to requests for me to write my bio, I panic. I freeze like a deer in the headlights. I consider running away to a foreign country. My mind becomes a beautiful and drool-inspiring blank. Brilliant. So helpful. NOT! Strangely enough, I have been asked to perform this task more than once. You would think that by now I might be over my phobia, block, general dislike of the task. Not so much. I still stare at a blank screen or page like a monkey doing a math problem and dither between “I like pie,” and “This is my erudite application to be the next Dalai Lama.”

And there you have the crux of the matter. Seriously, if I write this thing from my heart and first impulses, people would walk out of an auditorium as soon as they read the blurb in the program. They would leave the book on the shelf. There is no way anyone would actually put time into anything produced by anyone quite so incompetent.

Obviously, this is the bio produced by the darkest parts of my insecurities and all those self-deprecating instincts instilled by a lifetime of acculturation as a southern female following the footsteps of generations of my foremothers. You just don’t brag on yourself. That is considered rude. Well… it was. I think things are changing a bit, but it is hard, so very difficult to undo all those years of being told that “nice, polite girls do not compliment themselves.”

So, I try to be objective. Take a good, honest look and who I am, what I have accomplished, and put all of that into words that are positive and believable. That is usually when the monster from the closet of insecurities (extra points if you are a Bloom County fan and caught that one) comes out and says, “Really?!? You think you are all that?!? Hahahahahahahah!” And I’m back to “I like pie!”

What makes a bio more difficult to me than say, a resume, is that you can’t have just one standard one that you use for every situation. For authors, public speakers, or subject matter experts who make public appearances, lectures, and book tours, the focus is generally the same every time. They have their field of expertise, their latest book, their regular genre. The audience for these things stays pretty much the same each time, as does their topics of presentation. They probably also have a snazzy publisher/editor who does the despicable bio-writing task for them. For actors and actresses (or do you all prefer to be called just actors or performers… again I digress), different roles are taken, but people just want to know your bio for what else they may have seen you in and what do you do in your off stage hours and for the creepy fans, are you single? For the rest of us mere mortals, we have to consider what is our role this time? Who is the audience? What about my pedigree and credentials is going to be important enough to them to make it worth their time to actually listen to or read what I’ve put together. Different subjects draw different crowds, and while the Board of Professional Counselors, Marriage and Family Therapists, and Pastoral Counselors may want to hear me give a lecture on the use of technology in process addiction research and treatment, it is unlikely that they are going to come and hear me sing show tunes from Chicago in a local theatrical review. See? Different audience. There may be overlap, but the professional board probably won’t particularly care that I was in the Dhahran Theater Group production of Guys and Dolls, and audiences wanting to hear me sing “When You’re Good to Mama” are going to take a powder for the production by reading that my interests include the varying PET scans of brains focused on different sensory and cognitive functions.

So, how the hell do I figure it out? First, who is the audience? Usually I have some basic idea of the people who will be attending. If the person inviting me to speak can’t tell me that much… I might actually want to skip it as it may just be a thinly veiled abduction attempt by aliens. The thing about audience is that it lets you know if they want to know your professional credentials and why they should trust your knowledge base, OR they may want to know more about you as a person and value that you aren’t an android (providing you actually are not an android. If you are, that would be fascinating… but maybe awkward). Once I have the audience, I have to think about what my subject matter will be. It always helps me if they give me a word count or some sort of limitation. That way I know whether I need to write a telegraph message or War and Peace (exaggeration of course… NO ONE wants to read a War and Peace variety bio).

After I address the content and what elements I want to include or that I actually want anyone to know about me, I read it aloud all the way through for flow. People usually read the same way I do. They hear it in their head. If I can’t actually read it without the cat looking at me funny… well, funnier than usual, then I probably need to rework it. Then, unless specifically given instruction for longer, I edit to keep it at 150 words or less. Read it through again and send it to a friend or colleague to see if it is actually readable.

One of these days, maybe I’ll have snazzy editors to write something that is less embarrassing and painful for me, but for now… I guess I will just keep trying to keep it somewhere between pie and the Dalai Lama.

 

personal, The New Cheese

Artificial Unintelligence or the Day Siri Tried to Get Me Fired

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So, there are entire site dedicated to the devil that is autocorrect. We have all seen and probably laughed heartily at the Freudian slips that our various communication devices seem to enjoy using to our abject horror. There are times when I am amazed and baffled at the hash that the circuitry seems to make of my simple exchanges. For example, who on earth would have gotten “Quetzalcoatl” from “mayonnaise”? For that matter, what the hell was the Aztec deity of wisdom and life doing in my phone in the first place?!? Points to ponder, that… Anyhow, as I was saying we all know that autocorrect is the bane of any neutrally classified conversation and the algorhythms thereof appear to have been deliberately programmed by a pubescent brain with a naughty streak that makes sexual innuendos from Captain Jack Harkness look like Sesame Street (extra points for those who got the reference). However, I believe that the voice activated artificial intelligence that have given personality to our smart phones may have exceeded even that threshold.

Though many of my brethren and sisters out there may have gone with other operating systems and their own flavors of artificial assistance, I have adhered to the evil fruity empire and that particular nemesis of my own… Siri. Please excuse my language, but Siri is an unmitigated bitch and works actively to make my life a more difficult place to live.

What could you possibly mean, Tananda? Siri does not have emotions or sentient thought. She is but a mere collection of programming and circuitry with only dichotomy decision making and search routines.

That’s just what she wants you to think!

Most people have the experience with Siri and other forms of electronic assistants of misunderstood speech and less than helpful answers. There was a whole range of commercials that made fun of GPS map systems with “RECALCULATING” as a regular punchline. Again, they are probably an easy target for humor since they have relatively simple interface and regardless of the progress one might perceive towards science-fiction-like computers and robotics, these devices are still in grammar school by comparison. It isn’t a negative observation, it is just realistic judgment of the initial stages of true human-to-machine interaction. To be completely honest, I’m not sure I want these things to get too clever. I’ve seen the movies, I don’t want to be controlled by our mechanical overlords, thanks.

Siri has, to this date, gotten me lost in some very unsavory situations and locations. She has a determined lack of desire to allow me to contact my mother by calling or texting. Instead she prefers to attempt to send the messages meant for my mother, my husband, or friends to business contacts and superiors who might not really appreciate being told that I love them or asking about various locations for planned debauchery. More than once I have attempted to ask the cow to “Call mom” or “Text Ted” to have her say, “What would you like to say to Doug Rodgers?” Seriously… or should that be Siriously?!? How on earth did she get that name from “mom” or “Ted”? It can lead to what I might like to call… “complications.” I’ve been brought to the brink of violence towards this disembodied entity that resides in my phone. More than once I have been diminished to the point of cursing at her with a string of profanity that rivals George Carlin’s Seven-Words-You-Can’t-Say-On-Television. To which Siri (proving that she is passive aggressive and has a seriously sadistic bent) replied “Okie Dokie, artichoke” at one time and “I was merely trying to help” at another. See what I mean?!? She’s evil. However, nothing quite compares to the day Siri tried to get me fired.

That is what I said. You read it correctly. It is my sincerest belief that while Siri is supposed to be without true sentience or personality, she secretly has “woken up” and become my archenemy and wants me to die a horrible death… or at very least be fired and forced to live in ignominy and humiliation for the rest of my days. So, for the record, I’m putting it on paper… well, not paper, but electronic version thereof… you know what I mean! I want witnesses dammit!!!

For those of you who do not know, I am actually a manager of a team of outreach specialists in the field of healthcare. I have quite a number of them who work for me, but in the infancy of the program, I had but three. Bless them, they worked hard and put up with all my stumbling attempts to define what our program would become. It was a struggle, but we made it… and I digress. As it happens, one of my first employees was male. He came to our employment relationship well recommended with a good many years of experience already under his belt. We’ve since that time gotten to know each other pretty well, but starting out, things were the stiff and professional interactions you might recognize. Everything was still very new and personalities were still figuring themselves out a tad. I primarily was trying to do my best to give an impression of professionalism to inspire confidence in the people working for me.

So, as the business day came to a close one evening, I was heading across town in my jeep. Like a good many people in the workforce today who need to communicate quickly in a variety of circumstances, my crew uses texting. Before any of the HIPAA-aware folks out there start freaking out, no protected health information flows through these lines. It is primarily a way of addressing generic information and safety considerations. Things like, “I’m leaving” or “I’ve arrived” to indicated things that the police have lovely codes for like 10-8 or 10-77.

On this particular day, we had been struggling with a case and trying to access resources in a very short timeframe. My staff member texted me as I was driving to say something along the lines of being unable to fulfill all the requests that were made of us that day.

Now, I’m not one of those who will text and drive. I’ve always seen it as dangerous, and given my propensity for clumsiness and lack of coordination, it would just be idiotic not to mention being illegal in most states these days. However, I do have Siri to assist me with these things. She asked, “Do you wish to respond?” I answered in the affirmative, and Siri said “What would you like to say to….?” So, I responded by speaking into the air, “That’s ok. We will just have to deal with the rest tomorrow.” Now, for those of you familiar with the interface in question, you know that she repeats the message back. For those unfamiliar, the next horrifying response from Siri was, “Your message to … says ‘Ok. I guess I’ll show you my breasts tomorrow.’ Do you wish to send?”

As you might imagine, for all my safety precautions using hands-free options and avoiding texting while driving, I nearly capsized my poor vehicle attempting to prevent that missive from sending along the airwaves. Imagine if you will, me trying to capture from the air the words as in slow motion the word “Noooooooooooo” flies out of my mouth. I could see the nightmare before me during my exit interview in human resources, “So, Dr. Haren, can you please help us understand how you thought it appropriate to sexually harass your employee by threatening him with your breasts?” Oh yeah, that would have been a hoot! Now, looking back, it makes for an enormously humorous situation that we can all get a chuckle from, but I can still almost capture that moment of panic when I thought Siri would likely send the message anyway.

As it stands, I’m still employed and not under any investigations for inappropriate conduct. I have foiled the little electronic @#$% so far. May I continue to be vigilant!

The New Cheese

The New Cheese: Ballad of a wardrobe moron

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I am accessory idiot. I admit this freely, but not without shame. I am a mature, educated, professional woman. I should be able to dress myself to impress (or at least not embarrass). However, I am severely deficient in any fashion sense or style. I can stare at a rack of accessories like a monkey doing a math problem and bring myself to near tears knowing that I will never appear to the advantage and picture of professional confidence that I see in so many of my colleagues in the world. I watch videos of remarkably clever ways to use scarves (that have nothing to do with 50 shades of anything). Even with all the tutorials in the world, I still manage to look like a homeless person who is a cross between the hangman’s victim and an overflowing laundry hamper.

I have gazed with envious eyes at my peers, friends, and (yes) rivals who seem to have that gift for putting together just the right outfit and look that says “See the confident, competent, professional/social, attractive individual… ME!” Instead, I always feel like my appearance say, “Look at me… I just got back from a lynching by Claire’s Boutique!”

It is not that I’m completely tasteless. I hope not, anyhow. I have picked out and assisted in wardrobe choices of others for their important event appearances to very positive outcome, but when I focus my skills upon my own person… Oh the humanity! It is a train wreck, truly. I’ve watched longingly the shows on various networks where fashion experts take some poor unfortunate soul and make them over to maximize their assets and camouflage the less than optimal facets of their figures with, of course, a few thousand dollars as a shopping budget.

Hell, they can keep their money if they would just take me and my aged, hoarder-like wardrobe in hand. Actually they could take the majority of it in hand and quickly transfer it to the trash or donation bin. In fact, if I remove the outdated, holey, and worn through, I’m left with the outfit in which I came into this world … not a pretty picture. Certainly, it is not suitable for business meetings… well, at least not my chosen field of business and none of the meetings I’ve been attending.

In addition to this, I’ve never had the gift that some women (and men) have of looking professional with long hair. You know what I am talking about… untidy bun of hair (not artistically messy), untamed wildness that looks like I just crawled out of bed no matter what I do, or hastily pulled back into a ponytail. My hair will defy any apparatus and all products. It will insist on expressing itself in what appears to be a collection of overgrown vines in the wilderness or a feral human analog. Mainly due to this unsightly and inconvenient characteristic, I keep my hair short. Very short. While there have been other contributing factors to the choice of my boyish hairdo (see The Breakfast Club), I find that I have a much better chance of appearing professional if my hair requires little to no effort on my part. As my hair does not currently lend itself to ornamentation and combined with my stature could appear a bit masculine, I try to enhance my femininity with appropriate jewelry and facial adornment (of the cosmetic variety, not piercings). My makeup tends to be subdued and natural, because the 80’s are over and were not particularly flattering when I was actually living through them. I try to enhance what I was given without appearing to be auditioning for Ringling Brothers. Jewelry is another of those strange issues for me, however. I cannot seem to become proficient in utilizing the various accoutrement of the bling bling.

I am of a rather large framework. I have been told that means that I should scale my accessories accordingly, but I honestly cannot seem to look at the outcome and not see a gypsy fortune teller in the sideshow. Everything looks too big, too gaudy… just too. I have, over the years picked up some beautiful pieces, but I’ve never been able to use them successfully in an ensemble. I get a brilliant idea for a look and assemble it with all the appropriate pieces. Upon looking in the mirror, I generally dismantle the whole caboodle in horror because I cannot bring myself to be seen in public. Another drawback of my stature is that I have to take particular care not to appear too massive or intimidating. Power suits that look phenomenal and so elegant on my more petite sisters in the business world can make me appear like an amazon warrior in a badly staged version of Victor/Victoria. Seriously, I have to be very cautious in the use of too much black or other intense colors. I want to get appropriate attention, not make everyone scurry in terror or hide under their desks.

Never are all my deficiencies so evident to me as when I must prepare for a meeting where there may be a lot of eyes on me, where I may be held in representation for my program and staff as a whole, or when I am trying to make an outstanding first impression. I agonize over the right choices and generally the night before any such event, it will appear to all intents and purposes that my closet has vomited… repeatedly… all over my bedroom. My strategy over the years has been to choose at least three different outfits. Why? You ask. Well, that would be because in the light of the day, the fashion statement decided upon before retiring may not feel like the right statement. So, I give myself three options. I have been, if not thoroughly successful at least not a complete failure.

So, I continue to agonize over my lack of savvy dress sense, but at least I’ve not been naked without my homework anywhere but my nightmares. In the meantime, if any of the hosts of those makeover shows happen to stumble on my blog, please feel free to save me from myself.

The New Cheese

Telecommuting: The Good, The Bad… The Yoga Pants

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In the modern marketplace, technology has allowed for a less traditional approach to workspace. Thanks to internet speeds, mobile technology, webmeeting applications, and virtual conference areas, we are no longer bound by boardrooms and cubicles. Telecommuting is the perk… and yes, the curse… of the modern professional.

For those who have known me the whole of my professional life, it comes as no surprise that I have seen the opportunities and trials of non-traditional workspace. In days gone by, I actually field tested some of the earliest incarnations of smart phone technology at remote access sites for internet providers and mobile communication services. I am an unashamed and unabashed geek. At the time, I was totally excited by the prospect of being untethered to office walls and windowless workspaces to access servers from wherever I could catch a decent signal. It felt like Star Trek, and I couldn’t be more pleased to be part of that away team.

As my career path shifted, I entered my current field and as an emergency service worker, my office was mobile. It was often my vehicle. The ethical considerations of confidentiality and security for privileged health information were forever in the forefront of my mind. The technology was improving, but I still spent a good deal of my efforts and time safeguarding actual paperwork and worrying about what I would do if the worst should occur, and I happened to be in an accident that would leave my work unguarded. Other downside of my previous roles involved the definition of “business hours.” Being on call, sometimes 24 hours per day and without recognition of holidays or paid time off led to a little something I call “boundary blurring.” Yes, my job was my life. Part of it was just the nature of the beast. Pagers that went off at all hours and employers that called me whether I was scheduled for a shift or not were just part and parcel of the gig. Crisis intervention, intensive inpatient residential, and critical incident work do not know a 9 to 5 schedule. Besides that, another part of problem was my own work ethic and difficulty establishing a personal life boundary as well as hesitancy in being assertive with bosses that tended to lack respect for life outside the office and the need for personal time.

Sadly, this resulted in what usually happens when the work-life balance is ignored. I became completely crispy. I developed burnout and compassion fatigue accompanied by some not terribly healthy relationship neglect issues. It actually got so bad that for a time, I considered leaving my chosen career all together. This is a common risk for people in the helping professions and for those who work in the first responder fields. However, it has also become a risk for anyone who has a telecommute position.

When I took a position with my current employer, one of the “perks” of the job (according to my colleagues and supervisor) was being able to work from home anywhere from a couple of days per week to full time telecommuting. For many of my coworkers, this was a blessing and a treat. They saved gas, and did not have to brave traffic and weather to sit in a somewhat colorless office space 40 or more hours per week. I was the holdout. I staunchly refused to use my opportunity to WAH (work at home). They thought I was nuts, but I knew myself better. I needed the physical, geographic boundary between office and home. I knew the dangers of the workplace invading my home space. I didn’t trust myself to impose the psychological barrier if the physical wasn’t there as a reminder. So, I continued to leave my office at the office, and my home was free from the work influence and accoutrements of the office life.

Over time, I started feeling braver about my ability to separate myself from the job at the end of the workday. That, and some health issues that presented themselves, resulted in a choice to take advantage of my opportunity to WAH on occasion. I was not telecommuting full time, and I would be found frequently on the couch with my laptop and one or more phones to take clinical reviews, conference calls, and trainings. It wasn’t particularly professional, nor was it very healthy from an entirely orthopedic standpoint. My back and neck would ache after trying to work in that configuration for a day. The additional downside was that my old boundary issues started creeping back into my approach. It was too easy to sign onto my laptop early and get in some work before traditional business hours, or worse, the end of day would come and go and I would always find “just one more thing” that I could do.

That is the danger of telecommuting. You don’t worry about drive times and do not have coworkers leaving for the day to prompt you to pack up your own kit and go home. Being at home already, telecommuters often find themselves working longer hours than traditional office workers. It is just too easy to keep going in the comfort of your own abode. So… I put myself back on office duty. I tend to be a bit of a workaholic as it is. I might work over at the office, but with the prompts of others packing up to go home and saying their farewells, it was a cue for me to wrap things up for the day and head home myself.

I took a promotion with my company (oh, and believe me, I struggled with that decision). The promotion came with a different office and some new staff to manage. We had our own space and everyone worked from that location. There was camaraderie. The work we was and still is meaningful (most of the time), and our group had a good fit with each other. As a manager, I was required to be in the office where my staff were based the majority of the time. There were, as usual with any new program, a lot of long hours, but having the geographic boundary between work and home was good to keep some level of balance. But things change…

The work we did gained a good deal of attention, and the decision was made to expand the program. With that expansion, there came transition. My staff became full time telecommuters. That’s right. They all went home to work. Again, with the program expansion, there were some long hours put in by myself and my colleagues. I found myself in a darkened office alone until 7:00PM or later many nights. As you might imagine, this was not well received by my family. Aside from the actual lack of time, there were some concerns for my safety being alone at the office after dark. Eventually, I allowed myself to be convinced of the folly of staying at an empty office, and I packed up my cubicle and brought my workspace home.

As it happens, it hasn’t been so bad. In fact, it has been much better and more positive than I had originally experienced or feared. However, the more positive experience has been due to some very conscious decisions on my part.

The first was my home office. While I am by no means the champion of housecleaning, I am pretty obsessive about my workspace. I have been teased by coworkers that I decorate my office with a slide rule, but it is true that my office tends to be a good deal neater and uncluttered than the other parts of my life (yes, take that however you may). Most of my day is filled to the brim with multitasking and a lot of technology. So, my workspace tends to be as organized as I can make it, but I keep some comforts and personal mementos around just to soften what could possibly lead to a depersonalized and cold atmosphere. Instead of working from the couch, which previously led to the boundary deterioration as well as a need for chiropractic services; I set up my home office in the spare bedroom that we had been using as a makeshift library (mainly because we have a book addiction). With the help of my spouse, I set up the network and laid out the design much as I had my cubicle at the office. The benefit of this arrangement is that it is organized, neat, and has appropriate space for locking away information for compliance and ethical consideration. Unlike the old cubicle, this space is warmer in style and more personal to me, and the chair is definitely more comfortable. Lastly, at the end of the workday, I can shut the door on it. That is a very important part of the telecommuting culture. It is absolutely necessary to have a space that I can physically leave (even if it is just departing the room and walk downstairs).

Another decision that I made was to change my schedule. Prior to moving my office home, I chose to run and work out at the end of the work day on the way home from the office. It was a good transition and helped me rid my body of some of the physical components of work related stress. Another reason was that the gym was on the way home and too far from the office to make it convenient to go at any other point during the day. The problem that arose was late in the day meetings that interfered with my usual workout time and time zone differentials for some of my staff who may have end-of-the-day questions. However, it became apparent that with my gym being about 5 minutes from my house, I could actually take my lunch to go to the gym. It was miraculous. Suddenly, I could have my run, workout, come home and shower, and I could be back at work in the time most people take for lunch. It broke up the day. It got me off my derrière. It made me a better employee and (though you’d have to ask my team) a better supervisor.

So, what is the downside? Well, there is the whole fashion issue. I’ve fallen into the habit of wearing workout gear the majority of the time. Yes, you guessed it. I am the queen of yoga pants. Now, I have not yet fallen to the depths of wearing them in public (except to the gym), but I have to maintain a very strict watch that I don’t start slipping. I do get up every day and put on different clothing than I slept in, and I consider that a good sign. Another possible danger: I am an introvert. Without the necessity for getting out of the house to go to the office, it is entirely possible that I would never leave. Between working from home and the prevalence of businesses that will deliver food, I could potentially become a hermit. However, my gym time has come in handy for getting me out of the house every day and regular social activity and off site work functions provide enough opportunity to make sure I do get out now and then.

Do I still tend to be a workaholic and sacrifice personal time to the job? Of course, but the truth is that I would likely do that even if I still had an office space outside my home. I try to be mindful of time and boundaries, though, and for the health and wellbeing of all my friends and family, I promise not to wear my yoga pants out anywhere but the gym.

The New Cheese

SERIES: Email Diseases: How they affect your life and how you can avoid them (Issue 3: Skimmers and non-readers)

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This is less a documentation of an email disease than an irritation and pet peeve; so, less of an illness to cure than a bad rash… yeah, that works as a metaphor.

In today’s world of technology dependence, telecommuting, and distance education, personal interaction and direct communication has taken a back seat to texting, instant messages, self-directed learning platforms, and email. We spend less time in face to face communication with coworkers and staff than we do typing on our keyboards and putting our thoughts out over the ether in a variety of characters and digits.

And here begins my tale of woe. Well, maybe not so much my woe as my ire? All I know is that it is frustrating and irritating to the Nth degree.

I understand how it is. As the recipient of a metric crap-ton of email (seriously, I was out for one day and came back to literally 743 unread emails in my inbox… not including spam). We spend an inordinate amount of time sifting though and reading electronic communications. The modern age has given rise to a number of scams and advertisement driven electronic communication that drowns us all in useless drivel and time-wasting blathering. Most of us have spam filters that provide some defense and decrease the sheer weight of worthless email and potential security breaches and identity theft risks. However, the legitimate communications can often equal or outnumber all the phishing and natural male enhancement ads on the planet.

It’s a time sucker. I know it. You know it. The down side? It is often the only option for communication in what has become a modern, virtual workplace. The days of paper trails and memos are not so much gone as changed. We communicate by phone, conference calls, video conferences, WebEx, text message, and instant message. The old fashioned paper memos served a purpose. The were communication devices that also left a somewhat permanent reference that could be kept for future. This was especially important for policy changes, new procedures, and announcements.

Translate that to the modern day workplace. Verbal communication, instant messages, and texts are not a suitable format for mass communication or information to be used as reference. This is where email is especially important. Email is used when there is a need for “electronic paper trail.” In other words, email provides a similar version of communication that paper memorandum once did.

So, what is the problem? There are certain types of people in the workplace. I’ll call them the “skimmers” or “non-readers.” I admit there is a lot of unimportant fluff that can get passed around the office networks, but the bottom line is that this is, for most corporations the line of communication through which the important information flows. When staff do not read their email, it means that they may fail to follow new procedures or miss important updates. To often the excuse for mistakes is “I didn’t see that,” or “I must have missed it.”

Wow. That’s a heck of an excuse. The whole reason that someone put the effort in to convey the information in a more stable and durable format was to allow future reference. As someone who tries to keep email to a pertinent minimum, it really does sting to hear the phrases above. Aside from failure to follow instructions, it also is dismissive of the efforts of the author and of authority when that person is a management or other leadership role.

Skimming might actually be worse than just ignoring. While deleting or ignoring important email communications can result in missed information, skimming can result in misinterpretation and translation of details that could result in potentially devastating mistakes or the exact opposite of desired outcomes.

Skimmers and non-readers tell their employers and management teams (by their behavior) that they don’t really care about the job or anything that the leadership has to say. I’m not saying that every supervisor on the planet is a modern day messiah imparting wisdom of the ages, but usually these people are trying to give information that will help everyone do and, more importantly, keep their jobs. So, before you hit the delete button on the next inbox influx or skim through a pile of electronic communication, keep in mind that your decision could result in important information being missing from your knowledge base. That missing information could impact your success or lack thereof.

For the email authors out there, to avoid the risk of skimming and ignoring, keep emails short and concise. Use bullet points to outline important information without excessive verbiage. Organize information into logical patterns. Keep on point, and avoid tangents. Try to stick to one topic or subject in an email to allow for easy sorting and categorizing. Avoid mailing lists with too broad a recipient focus. Broadcast emails should be limited, in number and length.

So, senders, keep your emails targeted and recipients specific. Recipients, read your emails. Chances are they were sent to you for a reason.

The New Cheese

SERIES: Email Diseases: How they affect your life and how you can avoid them (Issue 2: SHOUTY CAPITAL LETTERS)

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Do you like to be yelled at?  Does anyone?

DEAR MR. SCHMOE,

YOU, SIR, ARE A BOIL ON THE BUTT OF SOCIETY!  YOU HAVE NO IMAGINATION AND NO ABILITY TO DO THIS JOB AND I, FOR ONE, THINK YOU SHOULD BE FIRED!  SINCE I HAVE NO AUTHORITY IN THAT MATTER THE ONLY OTHER THING I CAN DO IS YELL AT YOU AND TELL YOU WHAT I THINK OF YOU AND YOUR STUPIDITY!  I AM RIGHT AND YOU, SIR, ARE WRONG!  I THUMB MY NOSE IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION AND WISH TO DISASSOCIATE MYSELF WITH YOU ENTIRELY!

SINCERELY,

MR. DOE

 

Argument A

Picture, if you will, an email exchange between two individuals engaged in an electronic argument.  (I shall not make something up here because my ability to argue successfully extends really only to myself – I tend argue with myself a lot – and to very few others.  Needless to say, debate class in high school was not my very favorite thing.  Though some would say I live to argue, this is simply not the case.)  These two individuals have allowed their virtual disagreement to escalate to a point where one user (let’s call him USER 1) has finally lost his ability to reason effectively and has resorted TO SHOUTY CAPITAL LETTERS in order to make his point.  The other user (let’s call him USER 2), upon receiving the SHOUTY CAPITAL LETTERS, sits back in his chair feeling defeated and thinks: “Well!  You don’t have to yell at me!” Followed by some choice words (fiercely unspoken) directed at USER 1.

Argument B

Imagine, now, this same exchange – however long it may have been – in person.  Two people, standing nose to nose, both red-faced and obviously ticked off, each about a stones-throw away from coming to blows.  To the outsider, it is apparent one individual of this duo is the instigator and the other is simply doing his best to hold his ground and not allow himself to be bullied.  Both are furious with one another.   Both believe they are right and the other is wrong.  The shouting is disruptive to others around them both in a way that disallows these others to be productive employees and in a way that makes these others truly uncomfortable.  It could be that a few of these others are interested in this heated exchange in the same way a passer-by might be interested in a train wreck, but for the most part, people have scattered to other parts of the building to attend to suddenly urgent duties.  This argument culminates in one person finally blowing his top and shouting, “YOU’RE WRONG!  YOU’RE JUST WRONG!  YOU’RE STUPID, YOU DON’T KNOW THE PRODUCT OR THE CUSTOMER BASE AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!!”  Whereupon hearing this, the other individual deflates, says something quietly to the shouter which witnesses can’t really make out, and slinks off to lick his wounds.

Does the “winner” of either argument actually win?  Or is that person simply better able to argue some point or another and, possibly, better at wearing down his opponent?  Does it make the “loser” less right, or his argument less sound?  Granted, it will depend a lot on the actual argument and since I did not see fit to imagine one for you we’ll really never know.

But…what does all this have to do with SHOUTY CAPITAL LETTERS?

In my most humble of opinions, using SHOUTY CAPITAL LETTERS in an electronic exchange is, quite simply, unacceptable.  I tend to use capital letters if I am trying to place emphasis on a word or phrase that underlining or italicizing will not draw adequate attention to.  But in those cases, it is usually very obvious that I am NOT shouting.

I read a story once (well, actually, if I’m being honest I’ve read this particular story multiple times) about a group of Solomon Islanders who had an ancient practice of felling trees by yelling at them.  (All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum – http://www.robertfulghum.com/)  The theory behind this practice was that yelling killed the spirit of the tree and so it died and fell over.

I believe that being yelled at does, indeed, kill one’s spirit.  Especially if one is yelled at often and for an extended period of time.  To make one cower before you by the very act of yelling – out of anger, frustration, intent or intensity of feeling – is a lowly act and one that only makes you a bully.  Yes, there are absolutely reasons why yelling, on occasion, is warranted; but only on occasion.  If you go around yelling at people all the time, will you have any friends?  Will anyone truly love you and will you be able to truly love?  Will anyone respect you?  Listen to you?  Act on your words or simply ignore you?

Ending an argument by so thoroughly defeating your opponent is akin to abuse and yes, in some cases, even murder.  Do you really wish to kill someone’s spirit by yelling at them?  I believe there are much better ways to win an argument and that, my friends, requires finesse, an adequate understanding of and ability to use the English language, and a genuine desire to make your point without completely steamrolling your opponent.

Just some food for thought.

The New Cheese

SERIES: Email Diseases: How they affect your life and how you can avoid them (Issue 1: Reply All Syndrome)

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In my professional life as an administrative assistant, I see a lot of email.  And I mean a lot of email.  Tons.  I’ve seen all manner of badly written email.  SHOUTY CAPITAL LETTERS.  the perpetual lowercase user.  The Forgetter of Punctuation.  Let’s not forget individuals who do not care how a word should be used grammatically, or how it should be spelled; if it looks good, or perhaps is one of those words favored by that particular individual, even if it has nothing whatsoever to do with the context of what they are writing, they will use it.

Today, I shall touch upon something that, if I am being truthful, annoys the crap out of me.  Something I am certain you, fellow email user, have either encountered or have (GASP!) been guilty of.  Frankly, as email users, we are all guilty of this from time-to-time, but the ramifications…well…the ramifications could be at least embarrassing, at worst, damaging, and always annoying.

The REPLY ALL Syndrome

So there you are.  You’re buckled down.  You’re focused.  You’re organized and getting stuff done.  You are feeling productive and your day is moving along very nicely.  You receive an email which has been sent to…for the sake of this argument…over two hundred recipients.  You do your due diligence, open the email, read the information contained therein, and think hm…looks like they forgot to include the date on which this event they’re telling us all about is going to happen.  (I’m making stuff up, just stay with me for a bit.)  Just as you are considering your reply, another email pops through with the same subject.  You think hm…looks like someone got to it before I did; let’s see what they say.  You open the new email, observe that the responder has come to the same conclusion that you did (the event date is missing) and further, has taken the liberty of responding not only to the original sender of the email, but also to everyone on the original distribution list.

This secondary individual in this example (we’ll call him The Responder) has a disease.  It is called The Reply All Syndrome, or RAS, for short.  It’s contagious.  And it spreads like wildfire.

In the blink of an eye, two more emails hit your in-box in response to the original email notifying you about the event.  Rapid fire REPLY ALL.  And quickly, three more.  Each email saying essentially the same thing, “What is the date of the event?”  Now, not only has your day been interrupted once (the original email) but before you could say “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” your day has been interrupted seven more times.  And it’s only just beginning.  Pretty soon, you get one brilliant responder who decides that it’s up to him to respond to everyone to ask everyone to please discontinue Replying to All.  It is at that point where you, who were so productive and focused earlier, are now totally distracted to the point of considering slamming your head into the nearest hard surface, wall, whatever.  Full-on Face Plant on your desk out of sheer frustration.

We’ve all been there, ladies and gentlemen.  And unfortunately, we’ve all been guilty of it, too.  However, there is a difference between accidentally hitting the Reply All button and doing it on purpose.  Let me give you a hint: If everyone on the original email absolutely must receive information which is vital to their continued existence or to the subject matter at hand, then yes, by all means, select Reply All.  If your response is based on a feeling – for example, you feel you should let everyone know that the date of an event was missed – please, for the sake of all that is good and organized and free-flowing in this world, respond only to the original sender!

You could respond to the original sender with something like Hey – you may have already gotten this several times, and I apologize if my email is just one of many, but I wonder if you realize you neglected to include the date of the event?  If you would please let us know when said event is to occur, I sure would appreciate it.

OK – maybe not exactly like that.  But wouldn’t you much rather receive an email response such as the example above, even if you have already gotten several, than over a hundred Reply All responses?

There is a cure for this disease.  It is called Conscientious Attention to Detail or CAD, for short.  CAD is not something that comes naturally for humans.  It is something to which we need to aspire.  We are born with a natural immunity, if you will, to CAD.  CAD must be actively practiced, on a minute-by-minute, day-by-day basis.  It must become habit to become an effective cure for Reply All Syndrome.  Unfortunately, in today’s society of instant gratification, CAD is rare.  Texting, truncating words to fit within a certain character limitation, or simply a gradual (and sometimes not-so-gradual) slide away from proper usage of language is prevalent.  Therefore we must be diligent!  We must be attentive!  We must constantly consider how our actions (or non-actions) are going to affect others!  But again I say, this instant gratification society is also a “Me” society.  How many of you have said, “Well, it (whatever it is) doesn’t affect me so therefore why should I bother?”

I think I have just made my case.

SWISH! Score one for Tangent.

CROSS POSTED: …Off on a Tangent

The New Cheese

We Get Older but We Don’t Grow Up: Classroom or Boardroom, the song remains the same

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One of the things that seems to hold true for any era is that kids cannot wait to grow up. “When I’m an adult, I’ll…” insert various pipedream-type predictions that afflict the adolescent and teenage brain. We all did it. We just knew that once we were beyond the confines of the authority figures in our lives that everything would be so much simpler to do and understand.

What a fabulous joke! Am I right? Once the promised land of adulthood was reached, we found that now there is a whole new roster of authority figures laying down laws, restrictions, rules, and consequences. Now, the refrain is more likely “when I am the boss…” or possibly “when I am in charge…” Oh my dears. That is the best joke of all. No matter where the buck stops, someone always has the whip hand over us. It isn’t a bad thing, really. It is more a system of checks and balances. Even the tippity-top of the echelons of business, higher learning, government, or any other field for that matter has to answer to someone. If it isn’t the next guy (or gal, can’t let the boys have all the fun) higher on the ladder, it is the customer. No matter where you go, that cycle of accountability continues.

The other patterns that continue? The same ones we saw in the days gone by through adolescent angst and teen drama in the halls of junior high and high school. Yes, my friends, I am talking about the cliques, labels, and melodrama that soaks the very walls of Ridgemont, Rydell, or West Beverly. You have your mean girls, jocks, geeks, freaks, weirdos (sometimes the last three roll into the same clique), brainies, bullies, richies, slags, sluts, stoners, punks, and untouchables. Doesn’t matter where you went or what your nomenclature, you know who I’m talking about. And for the most part, we were all so very grateful to leave that world behind with the savagery and struggle to find our own place. In truth, even the popular kids were mostly glad to get away and, for those who pursued higher learning, get a new identity away from the mold they had been congealed in during their formative years.

Oh, but the tragedy! When we reached the pinnacle of our maturation and enter the workforce, what do we find? Ah yes, there they are: The mean girls, the bullies, the partiers, the invisibles, and the brainies… and yes, the freaks, geeks, and weirdos (but that is mostly in the IT department…what?!? I’m kidding, sorta). They are all there. They travel the halls and cubical pathways. All that is missing is the lockers. Granted, the behaviors have changed a little. Rarely do you see an office bully shove someone in a locker. Though, I suppose it could happen. Mostly the behaviors have taken on a thin veneer of professionalism and maturity to gloss over those savage instincts that cannot quite be put to rest. But there is a twist to this tale…

While some of our high school beauty queens and class presidents maintain their identities and personae throughout their lives (and not all of the stereotypes are such bad sorts), one of the most interesting developments in human social structure appears to be a reversal of roles upon entering the “adult” work place. The statement has been attributed to Bill Gates, but I cannot really verify through trustworthy sources that he said it. “Be nice to the geeks, because you will probably be working for one.” This is given as a warning upon graduation that the tables can turn for the bullies and they may find themselves having to kiss up to the person whose head they shoved in the toilet… or better yet, they may have to ask, nay beg for a job.

But we are adults! I can hear you, you know. And I agree, wholeheartedly. We are… chronologically. Grudges run deep, and grudges run long. Charity and forgiveness are virtues, but not always easy to embrace after memorizing every scratch, dint, and piece of gum stuck to the inside of the locker while waiting for someone to let you out.

So, we find ourselves in the corporate workspace, in a corporate culture. Look around. If you have been working in the environment and with a particular group for a while, you can probably identify all of the stereotypes easily enough. The bullies may have been the geeks when they were younger, but if they have chosen to identify with the aggressor, they can come up with torturous misery that their high school counterparts could not even begin to consider. They won’t give you a swirly or a wedgie, but by heaven, they will make your life a living hell in the office with sabotage, humiliation, and drudgery. The mean girls may have been the wallflowers in school, but they have mastered the act of shunning in the cubical farm. Designing silences to make any statement or contribution to conversation echo resoundingly as a social brick is an art, and forgetting to invite someone to lunch with the group… just a mere oversight, right? Gossip and whispered conversations that end when someone else walks by or the old divide and conquer with the “Do you know what I heard so-and-so say about you?” is the mean girl power play. If you are lucky, you may have been a neutral. Switzerland was always a safe place to be in high school, and it serves pretty well in corporate land as well, but there is still a threat of being pulled into the tempest of drama as a ship sailing round Charybdis.

It is truly hard to resist the pull of that clique and role-based melodrama. Even the most professional person can oft find themselves tempted to participate in the office gossip or to side with the powerful cliques to ensure their own safety. Sometimes, it is easier to slide into familiarity of a role, even when it is not good for you, or worse, actually bad for you. Good managers and management teams can influence a culture of professionalism that will stifle the tendrils of the clique-mongers and put the kibosh on any attempts to stir up the negativity. However, managers are human, and not all of them are immune to the pull. Traits that should and can guard against the pitfalls of repeating history: Ethical behavior, true maturity, and professionalism. Not everyone has these. Shocker! No, seriously, sometimes these aspects of adulthood are not so common as they might be… as they ought to be. I wish adulthood and education could impart some sense of maturity into each person who is granted passage into the world of occupation and gainful employment (because all the drama wastes a lot of time and productivity), but that’s not how it works. As far as I can tell, each individual has to get to know or develop their own core of integrity that defines their identity and provides a foundation for self-esteem based on genuine accomplishment. Accomplishment doesn’t have to be publically recognized, or even acknowledged in any way. It should be something that you sense within yourself. When you have that, it is a lot easier to resist the machinations of those stuck in the perpetual high school hallway, reliving their glory days (or more likely revenging their not-so-glorious days).

One good thing about the corporate and professional environment is that most adults (even the ones caught up in the drama) frown on overtly aggressive behavior. So, it is very unlikely that anyone will shove you in a file cabinet or flush your head in the toilet if you resist temptation and go against the corporate cliques. Eventually, even the passive aggressive post-it notes and emails will not be sufficient to vent the vindictive spleen, but they dare not be more blatant. Human resources and upper management take a dim view of behaviors that create toxic work environments, intentional or not. Once you step outside the bubble of the conjured adolescence where the mean girl or bully has tried to make you revisit, you will find that they really do not have all that much power to impact your life. Do what is right, embrace truth, and practice professionalism, and the denizens of the workplace clique-regime will not have power. High school was an ok time for the majority of people, but no one should want to stay there in perpetuity. We all need to grow up and graduate eventually. Welcome to adulthood!

The New Cheese

Professional Leave-Taking: Crossing that bridge without burning it

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So… Tangent and I were doing what we do… and one day, we were talking about the whole subject of departures. We’ve talked about getting jobs, about keeping jobs, about professional behavior while on the jobs. The thing is that even the end of a job has its own nuances of professionalism that should be attended to and observed. So, we decided to interview each other and get two well-informed and professional perspectives on how one leaves… a job.

What is appropriate notice?

Tananda: It totally depends on your position within the company, your level of education, and specificity of your duties. Notice is so that there is time to find a replacement, and get them up to speed on what it is that you do for the company. For example: If you are talking about an Executive Director position, it may require (depending on the size of the company) finding just the right person; and it might even require travel time. You’ve got to calculate that into the notice that is given. Rule of thumb for most professional jobs is two weeks. That is generally the bare minimum of a professional notice.

Tangent: When I gave my notice at my last employer, I really had no choice in the matter because my new job needed me when they needed me. If I was going to get the job, I had two weeks to take it. At the time, my employer was not even sure they were going to backfill my position after I left… So, that really dictated what I needed to do with my time. However, I have had other positions where I had to give 30 days, and even so, I had to come back and train the new person. I depends more on what you do within the company. Regardless of your notice given, if you are a professional, you are going to make sure that everything is covered and that “your people” are taken care of before you leave.

Tananda: Now back to the actual time frames, your rule of thumb. For example, the higher education you are might lengthen the amount of notice that you need to give. If you’re talking about someone with a professional license, (Masters, Doctoral) 30 days is minimum because you have to take the time to find the person with the minimum degree and credentials, but you don’t want to take the first one that shows up. Not necessarily, anyway.

For other types of positions, like academic professors, or even teachers at other levels, a semester or maybe an even academic year, is an appropriate notice. Just to let them be prepared to find the right person.

It’s what you do. It’s all about what your role is and who you are responsible for. More than the duties that you enact in your job, but who you take care of and the number of people you take care of.

Is there ever a time where it’s acceptable to just walk out?

Tananda: There are jobs, where, because of the sensitivity of the material (security issues, what have you) they’re going to simply escort you out when you’ve given notice, or on your last day. It really is one of those situations that, as bad as it sounds, the less professional and skilled position (think specificity of skills again) a lengthy notice is not needed because there are – truth be told – people literally lined up for that job. And not that people are completely replaceable or not unique, but for some jobs a warm body is all that is really needed. In a professional setting, it’s truly never okay unless you’re on the verge of Going Postal. Good example: Where you feel that there are unethical practices it would be acceptable to walk away and say, “I’m not going to get into this.”

Tangent: I have a story about that…

When I first moved to my current locale, I was working as a receptionist in one company. Due to the financial obligations upon us, I elected to take on a second job in a retail location. The manager hired and trained me, but the manager would not allow me to ever ring up a sale (in other words I never got credit for them). During the holiday rush, the manager brought on her boyfriend for extra help. A customer had a question, and I had to go find the manager and went to the back of the store where … (pause for effect) I saw boyfriend and manager doing an illicit substance in the back of the store during business hours. Now, I know that I did not handle this in precisely the best way; I freaked out and walked out never to return.

Tananda: You know what? The bottom line is: Using any substance, doesn’t matter if it’s sipping eggnog in the back room or taking a prescribed medication, if said substance inhibits judgment, it’s unacceptable and unethical behavior during business hours. Catch something like this going on in the back room and you have good reason to be leery. In your situation, Tangent, you caught them with an illegal substance, and, on top of that, there were probably some questionable business practices beforehand. I would say yes, that was an appropriate reason to just walk out.

How do you give notice?

Tananda: To say it’s all about the relationship with your direct supervisor is sort of a cop-out. I truly believe that official notice should always be given in writing, whether that is on actual dead-tree pulp or the electronic version thereof. I believe it is just professional to have a written version.

Do you want to give a heads-up to your boss who has been good to you? YES! If you’ve got a boss you’ve got a really good relationship with then you talk to them like a friend and tell them about your new opportunity or change of circumstance. “My husband is the new Dread Pirate Roberts and we’re taking off on the next available ship.” The bottom line being that I’ve done it both ways. I have literally walked into to tell the person I reported to that I had been offered a substantial raise with a change of location which was opening up opportunities for my husband (who is apparently now a Pirate) as well. Regardless of the reasons in telling this – my direct supervisor was very supportive, very proud, and I could tell by the look on his face that he was very disappointed that I was leaving. I burst into tears and it was next to impossible to keep a straight face.

Conversely, the next supervisor posed a lot of ethical concerns for me and that was a very different situation altogether. It involved me walking in, handing him an envelope with my letter of resignation in it, and walking right back out. The implied “bird” was flipped in his general direction. Not my most shining moment, professionally speaking.

When do you tell people? Co-workers? Friends?

Tangent: For me, and since the situation was very specific… I had literally 2 weeks to get everything done, let people know, get things together, tie up the loose ends, and make sure everyone was taken care of. Once the notice was given, people needed to know! They don’t necessarily need to know why, but they deserve to know the pending vacancy that you are leaving in the organization and in their lives.

Tananda: I agree. Keeping in mind that some companies and organizations have specific rituals and may have their own ideas about how they want to make that announcement. Again, it’s all about the role you play in the company. Depending on what your role is, that company may need to bolster morale, do damage control, assure people that the proverbial rats are not fleeing the proverbial sinking ship. They may want to have a “spin” on why you are leaving and they may want to dictate what that spin is. However, most places are not that uptight.

Cake or No-Cake People

Tananda: So, just a brief statement about what a dear friend and colleague refers to as the “cake” and “no-cake” people. Briefly stated, there are people who get the big send-off, and those who leave quietly… we won’t mention the ones who are escorted from the building, but you get the idea. It isn’t necessarily a reflection upon their character as human beings, but it may be a statement about the impact they made on their workplace.

That being said, there are circumstances that completely preclude the option for “cake,” but generally, the co-workers and others make sure that those people that would have had “cake” still get it even if there is no time for the big send-off inside the office.

What about current employer contact on references?

Tananda: This is prior to obtaining new employment, yes?

Tangent: Yes.

Tananda: If I say it depends, that’s another cop-out, but it does. It depends on the personality, or personality disorders, of your direct supervisors. Most places have a little check-box that says, “May we contact your current employer?” and you can always say no. If it’s a problem for them not to be able to contact your current employer then they may not want to interview you. They may want to ask about it, but most hiring places understand when you are still employed and might not want to rock the boat. (There’s a definite nautical theme in this article. AAARRRRR!) On the other hand, for a lot of higher-level professionals, they expect other people to want their quality employees, and they expect to receive those reference calls on those quality employees.

For the record, and as a courtesy, I like to let my current employer know if I’m exploring other employment options so they are prepared if someone calls asking for a reference. Not that I’m leaving. But my position is a little different. On top of my full time position, I teach and consult, so those really aren’t conflicts and they aren’t reasons for me to leave my current employer.

Tangent: If you are working for someone who is got a “not-so-great-grip-on-sanity” [different term here censored for family content]; you probably do not want them involved in the process. However, if you are working for that great boss and great employer, you would want any potential hiring agents to talk to that person who will (of course) “talk you up.” If you suck and know it, you are obviously not going to be letting any new folks out there talk to the old ones who could clue them in… and if you are completely unaware of your worth, you might just need to flip that coin and see how it lands.

Tananda: The only thing about the “if you suck and you know it” is that there are a lot of states that have legal restrictions on how much a former employer can say to someone calling with a reference question. They are technically not allowed to bad mouth you. However, they can and do ask whether or not you are rehire-able and a negative answer speaks volumes. It tells the potential new employer that your old employer would be happy to be rid of you.

Tangent: *whispered* You’re not gonna get that job.

Tananda: Precisely.

Bad-mouthing?

Tananda: So, we were just talking about that.

Tangent: Yep, we sure were.

Tananda: Don’t do it.

Tangent: I think that’s enough said, don’t you?

Tananda: But what about if it’s your friend getting ready to apply for a job with your former sanity-challenged boss?

Tangent: There’s… um… there’s really a very fine line between what you might tell a friend in confidence, and what you might tell a potential job-seeking employee. You don’t want to set the friend up to not get a job when they need it, but you also don’t want your friend to be challenged (and possibly use your picture for dart practice) when they end up working for your boss who wears his backside as a toboggan.

Tananda: So, bottom line? See my second statement, “Don’t do it.” And your friends have probably already seen your misery and would hopefully not pursue that line of employment anyway unless they were truly desperate.

I hated my former employer… And?

Tananda: Operative word, “Former…” And to quote Raifiki: “It’s in de past.”

(Ensue tangential conversation about Disney movies.)

Tangent: So, here’s the thing. I have another story.

Shortly after I moved here, I started working for a company where I reported to more than one person. I caught one of the people I reported to speaking to another in the break room and telling them that their job in life was to make me cry as often as possible. I hated that job. Hated it. I still see that person around this area. No matter how many years have passed, and how much I hated it, badmouthing her or the company doesn’t feel right. Talking to friends and such about the negative experience serves no positive purpose.

I try to be above reproach no matter who they are or how they have treated me. I can cut them out of my life. It gets to me. It gets to anyone, but I need to live my life to a certain philosophy.

Tananda: The point being, that rehashing and being negative in what we say and do, doesn’t remove the experience and doesn’t shine a very positive light on us or our professional behavior. And it doesn’t help us move on. It keeps us locked into looking in the rear-view mirror when we need to be looking forward.

I’m leaving people behind…

Tananda: Literally, one of my people that I was leaving, cried non-stop for about a week. That was the hardest part of leaving any job that I have left. Sometimes those people are not necessarily my employees. Sometimes they are my boss, but I tended to be a caretaker for them, too.

Tangent: In my case, having gone through this so recently: I looked at it from two different perspectives. I’m trying to make sure that my people are not left clueless about what I did for them and be able to do those things for themselves. By the same token, I am really going to miss some of those folks. I do miss some of those folks. But that said, you have a new job. There is so much new to learn, absorb, get into… I haven’t even been on Facebook lately, and that was my only connect for some of them. I have every intention of keeping in touch, but life happens. I miss my people, the ones that I saw every day that just stopped to say “hi”. <sigh> But this was a good decision for me. I need to remember that.

Tananda: Well, you haven’t managed to get rid of me yet!

Tangent: I’m good with that, actually. I’ll keep you.

What about non-competition clauses and conflicts of interest?

Tananda: Be aware of any potential issues that a new employer may have. A lot of them will want you to disclose any conflicts of interest, including friendships, volunteer work, consulting, or other income. Non-competition clauses mean that you can’t go work for somebody that has one of these agreements with your former employer. Period. End of story.

Making sure co-workers left behind are taken care of after you leave

Tangent: In my case, I feel like (especially given the administrative nature of the work I do) and most of the things people are relying on me for… people are not going to be able to do what I did. They wouldn’t know how, because I had always done it for them. My task in leaving was to leave them with the bevy of information to make sure they could do those things for themselves, or knew who to contact to get it done. I made a document that covered everything, and the response to that document was a mixed bag of incredulity and amazement that I would even put my time into making sure that people had that information. But I felt it was my responsibility.

If you are in another role, it may depend on what your employer (direct supervisor) may require to be done in preparation for your departure. There are just going to be times when it won’t make a “hill of beans”… You may not have a job that really impacts others, and truth be told it is going back to job specificity. So, how and what you leave people with may not be as important as cleaning up any potential messes. On the other hand, it comes down to what sort of person you are and the responsibility you feel to the people you leave behind.

This is a really good time to brush up on the decision-making skills. It is really up to you, unless your boss specifies, to decide what you need to do to take care of those left behind, right?

Tananda: My situation is a little different because I have the people that rely on me for their clinical support. I’ve been their teacher, their supervisor, their mentor, the encyclopedia of all trivial knowledge, a cornucopia of strange and unusual facts, and leader from a sense of stability. My decision to leave that kind of role means that I need to make sure that not only are the day-to-day tasks and job functions taken care of, but the emotional needs are met as well. My employees really get shaken up when they have to worry about reporting to someone new, even temporarily; having a new commanding officer that is running inspection. So, my job means making sure that my crew is as shiny for the new person as they can possibly be and that all of them feel confident enough in their abilities to do their jobs without me and still come out smelling like roses.

Asking for written references, letters of recommendation or introduction

Tananda: Let’s do a brief introduction on what these things actually are.

Tangent: Yes! Because, they all sound the same, but they’re really not.

Written References: These are typically three written character references from someone who knows you in a professional capacity, someone who knows you in a training or social way, then maybe someone who has known you for a long time. They are kept in your portfolio (yes, you should have a portfolio) in perpetuity…meaning forever and kept updated as your experiences warrant. These are things that talk about you as a person and the address the core of who you are.

Letters of Recommendation: These are letters addressing your appropriateness for a particular position. These are from someone who has the qualifications to judge your ability to perform the duties of the position you are seeking to fill.

Letters of Introduction: Hi, let me introduce you to Hyacinth she is awesome and you should hire her. And, more specifically, it is generally from someone who is known to the person who is potentially going to hire you. It’s a professional formality. And while it may seem kind of old fashioned in this modern era, it’s a nice touch – kind of like a flourish – and employers definitely pay attention.

Tananda: The question is, why are we talking about this? Because, if you have a decent relationship with your current employer, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get those things lined up…just in case. To catch a letter of recommendation from a respected supervisor is a big deal. Ask a former employer if they would be willing to be listed as a reference on your resume. Keep in touch with that mentor and continue to keep a good eye on their connections, so that when opportunity knocks, you can ask to be introduced.

Tangent: OK – this is great! I think we need to tie it in a nice, pretty bow now.

Tananda: But you make better bows than I do!

Tangent: But you’re better at nautical knots.

Tananda: Actually, we’re really not done. I have one more thing. Try not to burn a bridge that you’re attempting to cross because you never know who’s back there on the other side who you may need down the road. Plus, I always like to have something at the end that ties in with the title.

Tangent: Yeah. What you said. Bon Voyage!

The New Cheese

Landing the Job… It’s Only The Beginning

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I’m going to go on a tiny little bit of a rant. It isn’t something I plan to do frequently in this “column,” but it is something that has been on my mind for a while. So, bear with me… I’ll try not to type too loudly.

I have been witnessing a trend for the last decade or so of people who see the acquisition of gainful employment as the finish line of their entry into the rat race. The people desperately putting themselves out there on the job market consider the welcoming job offer as the ultimate goal of their efforts.

This is possibly the most inaccurate attitude prevalent in the workforce of today. Over and over, I have seen people who put on their best face, clothes, and most professional behavior for the interview process, drop it like it’s hot when they are accepted into a position. The job that they worked so very hard to obtain loses the “shiny” once employment is achieved. The job that the employee was so excited to take on becomes unworthy of the effort to retain. Sadly, this attitude seems to mirror the thread of ingratitude prevalent in other parts of society today. The broad sense of entitlement is virulent in the hearts and minds of too many individuals trying to earn a living. People who were so grateful to have a job too soon lose any sense of believing that opportunity could just as easily gone to someone else… and still might.

It is not necessarily a matter of carelessness, incompetence, or even laziness. Most of the time the individuals in question will absolutely put in the amount of effort to do their job… but just that amount. And that is pretty much it. That is the extent of what they are willing to do, the bare minimum of job requirements. “Above and beyond” is not really part of the vocabulary. Again, this isn’t a matter of laziness, but these folks do not have any passion for their job, nor do they have any attachment to the organization for whom they work. As an employer, I see these as gypsy vagabonds… just passing through. They are not getting anything formative from the job, and they probably are not going to provide anything earth-shattering to any program, department, or company. No ill will harbored. This is just the nature of the individual. They are there until they are met with the first obstacle or any other offer comes along that might provide them sufficient reward. Lather, rinse, repeat. They move from gig to gig with no real sense of anything more than “Meh, it’s a job.”

Sadly, there are degrees of this type of worker. At the mildest level, they do no harm, but they do no amazing good either. They are going to put in their 40 per week and are working for the weekends. They are passing through life, and work provides the funds to pursue their other activities and interests. They are not looking for promotion. They aren’t necessarily looking to move on. They are not looking towards the future, and certainly not planning for any sort of retirement. They will likely not stand out in the crowd around the water cooler. They live to make the fewest ripples. They live from paycheck to paycheck. It really doesn’t sound so bad, right?

There are others, however, who seem to be unable to exist without making waves. They fail to grasp the fact that just because you managed to get the position, doesn’t mean that you can stop working to keep the job. These people are your complainers, pot-stirrers, or drama induction specialists. They frequently request (or demand) special treatment, and they generally do not make any effort to get along with their coworkers. Sometimes, they deliberately sew the seeds of discord within the office to divide and provide a hotbed of drama on which they feed (but this usually requires more effort than they are willing to expend). Occasionally, this can go so far as to be reflected in a disrespect for the workplace culture, regulations, and even employers. They are quick to perceive slights. They are doing an extraordinary favor to employers and coworkers by merely showing up. Most of the time, these people are not deliberately malicious, just incapable of seeing past the tight circle of their own perception. It is more a lack of empathy. It is a perceptual myopathy that prevents them from understanding how anyone else might be impacted by their attitude or behavior. They simply cannot see things from outside their own perspective. Every action is formulated on the premise of “What will this get me?”

Sadly, these individuals seem to go through life with the attitude of “I was looking for a job when I found this one.” That isn’t a bad approach to avoid spiraling into a despair if a job ends. However, it also reflects a lack of appreciation for the job at hand. The end result for many individuals with this attitude towards their job is a remarkably checkered job history with a lack of any longevity or stability. While that might not seem so bad so long as there are no particular breaks in the employment history, many employers will see the lack of any duration as a less than stellar recommendation for employment. Most employers are looking for reliable workers who will contribute in a positive way to the work environment. Contrary to some misbelief out there, most employers are actually looking to benefit the company, organization, and the many that are dependent on the success thereof, rather than providing sole benefit and comfort to one individual.

I am the last person to suggest that anyone should put up with mistreatment at work. Bullies in the workplace do exist. Harassment is intolerable. People should never have to work in a toxic environment, but there is a difference between taking productive actions to improve your situation and defuse intolerable work conditions and merely adding to the negativity by complaining and badmouthing to others in the office.

There is an extremely fine line between confidence and arrogance. However, despite the arrogance and entitlement that leads people to believe that obtaining the job was the last challenge they will face in the pursuit of wage, sometimes a little effort put into keeping a job is of greater benefit. Every job has challenges, and everyone (no matter how much they love their job) will have days they just do not want to go to work. It happens. It is normal. Hopefully, it is an exception rather than a constant. Truth is that while there are some very rewarding occupations in the world, every single job has some aspect that may not be fun. In the world of occupation, it is my hope that you all can find something that is rewarding and provide you the opportunity to grow, learn new skills (or at least perfect skills you have), and provide the resources to support your way of life. It isn’t always the case. Sometimes, things are going to be difficult. Sometimes things may be unpleasant. There are tasks and jobs that are not pleasant, but they still have to be done. The job you have may not be the best job in the world or even a job that you are thrilled to hold for extended amounts of time. Coworkers may not be that pleasant, and the boss may be a complete jackass; but, in truth, is a bad attitude or lackadaisical approach to your job duties going to improve relationship with coworkers or employers? Will negative, complaining behavior make the job less tedious or less unpleasant? The point is that our attitudes make up well more than half of our own job satisfaction. Having a positive attitude can actually improve your job experience.

If all jobs were a constant party of social, leisure, and entertainment activity, it would not require payment. It wouldn’t be work. Getting a job is not the end goal. It is just the beginning. Any job accepted is worth some effort to keep. There are other people in the market who may value that job more and could easily fill the position. And who knows? Approaching the job with a positive attitude and good work ethic might make the job itself less of a chore.